My recent lesson on children and fighting

Today I stumbled on a new idea. Now don't laugh because I'm sure I'm the last of my kind to learn this.

I was reading the morning paper on my bed enjoying the sweet tender moments that my children were having together in the living room. Wait! Rewind....trying to ignore all the yelling and fighting going on in the living room.

I sat there listening to my kids say things like, "You're such an idiot!" "Shut up!" "Get away from me!"

I thought long and hard about getting up and telling the kids to stop, but in all reality, I knew I would not help the situation. The reason being that if I went to advise my children of their conduct all I would get is a bunch of stories, excuses, and rationalizations for their behavior and then I would just get frustrated and most likely mad because they are now not listening to me and blah, blah, blah - you know the rest of the story. Clearly not the desired result.

So instead I continued to read the paper while trying to figure out what to do about the rude and obnoxious comments. In time I found that the kids worked out their own problems and for this I was very grateful.

The scripture in Mosiah 4:14-15 kept coming to my mind during all of this. How can I teach my children to stop fighting and to love one another when I'm just sitting here on the bed listening to them fight? The answer came very clearly. I first and foremost teach by example. I then teach in those small moments when I'm alone w/ each child. And finally, I teach at FHE.

Why was it helpful to sit back and do nothing? Because it allowed me to see the situation from afar. I can't really do anything about a big problem unless I know what's causing it. Sitting back and doing nothing at the moment gave me perspective for what needed to be addressed and who exactly needed to be talked to about what.

I learned that when I go in during the middle of a "fight" I am a much less effective parent. I am not able to see what's really going on nor am I allowing my children to grow from the experience they've just put themselves in. I also learned that this is the first step to not being the controlling parent I sometimes am. I do feel that there are times to step in, but most of the time our children need to practice the skills we've taught them and they can only do that when we don't step in.