Forgiveness found

I've been meaning to blog about this for two weeks, since it happened. I hope my thoughts about it come through clearly.

About 6 weeks ago, I got heavily involved in happenings at our kids' school. As a result of forwarding an email, I had one person from the school email me back and be completely and unjustifyably mean to me. I thought she figured her that one experience with me gave her insight to my entire character and she felt it was her duty to point out how flawed my character was. I ignored her email.

Then just 2 weeks ago, I had occasion to be with her daughter and said something that I thought would help, but that was taken very badly by her daughter. I promptly realized I was wrong and told the daughter so, but she reported only the "mean" thing to her mother and went on to lie about what else I'd said. The mother, of course, felt the need to call me out and sent an email telling me not to criticize her daughter and why was I "always" doing that to the kids and if I need to do that, why didn't I work with my own daughter who needs my help. The hypocrisy and presumption in all those statements just floored me.

I wrote back what had actually happened and been said and apologized for whatever it was I'd done to offend her and explained that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. I told her I knew my daughter wasn't the best dancer, but that I was trying to give her what she needs just as I'm sure she was trying to help her daughter.

She felt I hadn't heard what she'd written and sent back an email, within about 20 minutes of receiving mine, that gave me numbered "specifics" so that I could understand the depth of my many errors. In that email she told me how her daughter had had to make up for my errors and how even though she'd had hardly any contact with me, she'd talked to many others about me and knew what kind of person I was as a result.

My gut reaction was to tell her that her list said more about her and her daughter than it did about me and that gossiping was surely NOT the way to get to know a person. I was so frustrated and angry at her many assumptions of me based on what OTHER people were saying about me. And the hypocrisy of her saying that I shouldn't criticize HER daughter while she criticizes MY daughter...oh my goodness!

BUT before I responded, I was able to spend some time in my scriptures. As has so often been the case over the past weeks, what I read mirrored exactly what was going on in my life and helped me see the situation anew. I was reading in Mosiah about how Alma and his people were persecuted. But Alma's response was to "esteem his neighbor as himself". And I thought, if this woman is my neighbor, how do I treat her? If I esteem her as I esteem myself, how do I treat her, no matter how she treats me? And I realized that I was going to have to forgive this woman, no matter how she choses to think of me. I dropped my head right then and prayed that I could forgive her.

And that's the email that was returned...no more explanations, no recriminations. I thought as I wrote it "a soft answer turneth away wrath". My email said that though I didn't agree with her assessment of me, I would work with my supervisor to correct any problems he sees, and I hoped she could forgive me of any offenses I may have given. I went to bed that night still worried and hurt about it, but woke up in the morning with a heart free of malice and hurt. I was even able to speak to her the day after all the emails went back and forth and hope that, if she was looking for it, she knew that I had forgiven her. I don't know if she was looking it or not. I also found the opportuntity to apologize to her daughter who said "it's ok".

For me, the experience was so freeing. I have had so many miracles in my life of late, and this one just has to be added to the list. God gave me forgiveness for her and what she chooses to think of me now is her problem. I don't want to canker my soul with those hurts and I don't have to. I would never have believed that forgiveness could come so quickly and so completely until I was able to feel that cleansing myself. How grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father and for the atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ, that makes all these things possible.

Amen