THAT good?

In and around the craziness that has overcome our lives of late, I have found myself more on my knees and more in fasting than at any other time in my life. I have found myself begging, on a nearly daily basis, to know the Lord's will because we (my DH and I) have to make decisions for hundreds of people and we just aren't that smart.

And God has come through. I can't express the gratitude I have felt in being guided very specifically to certain people, to certain statements, to certain information. I've been guided by dreams, by promptings, by the scriptures, by knowing what to pray for, and by others from whom I did not expect help. I've been guided in small things that don't seem to impact the big situation we're in, like what to eat for lunch and when to fill my car with gas so it'll be ready when I need it. It has been a season of tremendous growth and profound humility for me, one that has and is changing my life and I can only think to sing praises to my Heavenly Father for His goodness and mercy to us all. Then, I have to ask, as I asked the question of my younger sister on Sunday...how did I get to be 38 and not know these things?

Now all of the above IS the direct result of many, many prayers beyond my own. When all the events started, I sent an email to family and friends and begged their prayers on our behalf so that we could know and do what God would have us do. I know that we were blessed and continue to be blessed because of that. But in looking back over the choices and enlightenment of the last few weeks, I've come to realize that I was different. I, in needing the help, really prepped myself to receive it. And so I've come to ask myself...do I want that all the time? Do I want to be different, changed forever? And if I do, do I need to be THAT good?

It's a silly question...of course I want to keep this change and of course I have to be THAT good to do it. THAT was always expected of me. I just gave myself all kinds of "outs" before that I didn't give myself over the course of these last weeks. And I found that if I gave myself an out in the last few weeks that it really messed me up. I didn't feel as close to the Spirit and didn't feel as able to stay calm and do what has to be done. This last sentence, more than any other, has made me able to see that I have to be THAT good. I saw the opposition in my own life that occurred because of my own shortcomings. I guess the questions becomes, how do I maintain? How do I keep the humility? how do I continue to hear? These questions are easily answered, but not so easily done. I just have to keep praying that the answers can become my reality.

Isn't God amazing?