Adjusting to Life

[5ft Diva]

How many kids did it take before you felt like you were in over your head and didn't have enough time or hands to go around for all of them? How long did it take to adjust?

[Chaos Unlimited]

I think number six was it for me. But just when I think I have adjusted to life with eight people they get bigger so the loads of laundry get bigger and I feel like all I do is clean and laundry and then the day is over and it all starts over. I would have to say at this point in my life I still have not adjusted so when you figure out how let me know.

[bookworm]

Well, for me number 3 was it, but I still had my #4 child later. I agree with Chaos about the increasing size of things- and it's amazing how much my boys eat! And they are still pre-adolescent! I'm going to need to take out a loan just to feed them through the teen-age years!!! And all that laundry... Well, my older two can wash their own now, so that helps, but it's amazing how much more they need a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a helpful hand, etc. as they get older. Their problems evolve along with them, I think. It's all good. The baby years were crazy, chaotic and messy, the toddler years were messy, chaotic, funny, loud, and now that all my kids are school-age, it's loads of paperwork, chattering, phone calls, video games, blogging, in and out with friends, etc. I don't know that it'll ever feel like there is enough of me to go around. But as long as we communicate well, things seem to roll along smoothly. The hardest thing for me over all these years has been the lack of order in my house. I'm recovering some of it now, but it's a slow process.

[runamyrun]

I am thinking that number 4 will do it for me. Each time I have had a baby I have felt overwhelmed and wondered how anyone could have more children than I had at the time. It seems like once they are 18 months old I feel like I can handle things a little better. With my third I feel like I can manage certain aspects but not others. So I think 4 will be my limit. My problem is that I have too high of expectations for myself and I still want to be able to do unnecessary things (like helping in my kids' classrooms, helping with class parties, etc.). I also want to continue with my running, which has gotten more difficult with each child. I want to be a happy mom, and I feel that with 4 it will be my limit. I admire those of you who have more, I don't know how you do it.

[5ft Diva]

Originally Posted by Chaos Unlimited

I think number six was it for me. But just when I think I have adjusted to life with eight people they get bigger so the loads of laundry get bigger and I feel like all I do is clean and laundry and then the day is over and it all starts over. I would have to say at this point in my life I still have not adjusted so when you figure out how let me know.

I agree! Let me know, too, whoever gets this figured out.

[5ft Diva]

Originally Posted by bookworm

The hardest thing for me over all these years has been the lack of order in my house. I'm recovering some of it now, but it's a slow process.

Well, it's nice to know that when your kids get older that order does get restored at some point.

[5ft Diva]

I found that #3 was a breeze for me and even with almost a four year gap between #3 & #4 that #4 was very difficult for me. It wasn't necessarily hard to adjust to #5 it was just that more chaotic which in turn made it hard overall. I'm not sure what to expect with #6, I guess we'll see. It'll be an adventure for all involved I'm sure!

[Dia Minha]

This has been a constant struggle for me from baby #1. Sometimes I am in complete awe to why Heavenly Father keeps blessing me with one more baby. Then with the loss of Levi, I have struggled with the guilt of believing he was taken from me, because I couldn't handle raising six. It certainly hasn't helped has my sister-in-law talks constantly about the fact that Heavenly Father would never give us more than we could handle and that is why she was blessed with twins.

I am so jealous of my sister-in-law who only has one right now. I can't believe how much time and money she has to put directly toward that one little boy. I often feel bad that none of my children have had that. I was pregnant with my second by the time my first was six months old.

When I go with my heart, I feel the constant need to have one more baby. When I stop to think it all out with my head, I want to give several of them back. Thus, my constant struggle in deciding if to do anything permanent when it comes to birth control.

It is a daily battle for me. I feel like I wash the clothes just so I will have clothes to wear while I wash the clothes. I prepare meals, just so that I will have the strength to prepare meals. I clean house so that my kids have a clean place to make a mess. I'm trying harder to make sure I find something to do everyday that is "just because" so that I can find a little joy among all the chaos.

There, of course, is the hope of grandchildren. Hopefully I will be able to enjoy them when they come. Not that I don't enjoy my own now. There is just so much work and worry.

Dia

[bookworm]

Originally Posted by Dia Minha

It certainly hasn't helped has my sister-in-law talks constantly about the fact that Heavenly Father would never give us more than we could handle and that is why she was blessed with twins.

Oh, dia! That's so painful!

However, logically, that isn't what that means- that Heavenly Father didn't think you could raise him!!!! Obviously, I can't speak for God, but I would think women who miscarry must be made of steel- you are only given challenges you can handle, right? Do you honestly think the struggle of losing him was any less than the challenge of raising him? I can't see how we can even measure challenges.

I think it's not fair to ourselves to assume we aren't worthy of challenges that others have. So, am I weaker than a woman with a special needs child, or my step-sis who's 13-yo dd died last year- because my children are healthy?

Maybe, but I've been through my own struggles, and will surely learn from future experiences just how much I can "handle".

Don't second-guess yourself, Dia. You are amazing!!!

I do see what you're saying about how different things are when you only have one child. I no longer worry about that, though. I'm so glad my kids have siblings. The only one I feel sorry about is DD- she doesn't have a sister, and I LOVE my sisters, but I think the Lord will help her find the companionship and friendship she needs.

[5ft Diva]

I am so jealous of my sister-in-law who only has one right now.

Chances are good that she's jealous of the fact that you're on the tail end of things. She's just beginning where you're on the end of wrapping it up - so to speak.

[Big_Sissy]

We need to also remember it's not so much what we can handle, but more so, what YOU need to learn.

Just a little different perspective.

[5ft Diva]

Originally Posted by Dia Minha

This has been a constant struggle for me from baby #1. Sometimes I am in complete awe to why Heavenly Father keeps blessing me with one more baby. Then with the loss of Levi, I have struggled with the guilt of believing he was taken from me, because I couldn't handle raising six. It certainly hasn't helped has my sister-in-law talks constantly about the fact that Heavenly Father would never give us more than we could handle and that is why she was blessed with twins.

I am so jealous of my sister-in-law who only has one right now. I can't believe how much time and money she has to put directly toward that one little boy. I often feel bad that none of my children have had that. I was pregnant with my second by the time my first was six months old.

When I go with my heart, I feel the constant need to have one more baby. When I stop to think it all out with my head, I want to give several of them back. Thus, my constant struggle in deciding if to do anything permanent when it comes to birth control.

It is a daily battle for me. I feel like I wash the clothes just so I will have clothes to wear while I wash the clothes. I prepare meals, just so that I will have the strength to prepare meals. I clean house so that my kids have a clean place to make a mess. I'm trying harder to make sure I find something to do everyday that is "just because" so that I can find a little joy among all the chaos.

There, of course, is the hope of grandchildren. Hopefully I will be able to enjoy them when they come. Not that I don't enjoy my own now. There is just so much work and worry.

Dia

Dia,

I was studying for my RS lesson tomorrow and came across this quote by Russel M. Nelson and thought it kind of applied.

...To those couples who bear and share that priesthood worthily and remain faithful to the law of the everlasting covenant of eternal marriage, enduring the congested years and trials of diapers and dishes, crowded kitchen and thin pocketbook, service in the Church, education and the burning of the midnight oil, the Lord makes this promise: “Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; … and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, … [and there] shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.”

You're doing awesome and even though you sometimes can't see the immediate and/or eternal results (how's that for an oxymoron) of your actions they are recorded and are not in vain!