birth order

[teeny]

So, BS, I was reading on the other thread about the birth order concept, and it really interested me, so could you expound more? Like, what does it mean exactly that you inherit the "problems" of the father, mother etc.? I can definitely see some connections with this in my family, but it's almost like there is an opposite factor, for example, my sister (the oldest) has a hard time getting along with my Dad, and I being the fourth child, have a lot of issues (complaints and such) with the dynamics of how my family works. Any ideas?

[Big_Sissy]

Ok so, if I remember correctly, the patterns/issues can go either way. You can either inherit the pattern, or go exactly the opposite of it. Depending on how you deal with it.

Just to recap (for me, since I always get it wrong)

Child 1) Fathers patterns
Child 2) Mothers patterns
Child 3) Marriage patterns
Child 4) Family patterns

The pattern then starts over if you have 5 or more. Also, the pattern I believe starts over if their is a 5 or more year gap between children.

Just to help myself understand this better, I contacted my therapist Wendy and asked her because I couldn't remember all the details.

I need to setup some basic understanding -- If you generally have a problem with another person, that is almost always in all situations your own issue. Meaning, it is usually something you do, which is why you don't like it. So the problem may or may not be that person's problem, but you can be assured it IS yours. You have the power to control only one person, and that's YOU!

So in your sisters case, she more than likely has issues with your Dad because they are so much alike. His patterns/issues are Her patterns/issues. Does that make sense?

Now with the 4th child, this is a little different. The 4th child is usually the one that is the family rebel, the one that will come to the family table and say "Hey, we're not perfect, and we do this and this wrong. Life in this family is not all rosy and bright" so to speak. I hope that makes sense...

So you being that child completely makes sense, since you are the one that has issues with how the family works.

Does that make sense?

I'm not even sure if I answered your question, so let me know if not.

[teeny]

Okay, so that is hilarious because it explains me to a T! This sounds terrible but it took me about 5 years after getting married to learn how to be able to deal with my family in a postive way. Sometimes I wonder how it is that I grew up in my family because I feel like I'm so different than most of them. Then again, I do tend to be what you would call a rebel because there are a lot of family characteristics that I have rebelled from and refused to be a part of. This is an issue that I constantly am dealing with. As to my sister and her being the oldest I don't think I see a connection between her and my Dad's issues being the same because it's almost like they have completely opposite issues. For example, my Dad has a hard time being a go-getter, and my sister thinks she has to be (and her kids have to be) over-achievers. But then, I do see the connection between my second oldest sibling and my Mom having some of the same issues. I also see my husband ( a second child) and his Mom having very similar characteristics. Interesting. So, where did this theory come from? Any books on it that you know of? I'm probably weird but this kind of psychology and family dynamic type stuff really interests me. Probably because I'm always trying to figure out a way to better deal with my fam!

[Big_Sissy]

The very first line in my post is where your sister fits in. She didn't like what she saw and has become the exact opposite of your father. So again, same thing, she just chose to go the other way. Exactly the opposite.

I asked about information on this, and it is possible that Carol Tuttle (Author) may have written some stuff on this, but I'm not sure, I should have more information tomorrow or the next day.

[teeny]

Very interesting..... Yeah, let me know when you find more info. Thanks!

[Big_Sissy]

hmm, sorry I still don't have more information. I'll make a call and see if I can come up with the sources on this.

[sunrisegirl]

Wow this sounds very interesting. I had never heard this before but in looking at what you posted BS it is right on in my family too. I'm child number four and I always wanted to do everything different than the rest of my family and wondered why my family had to do things certain ways. It took me years to accept certain things they way they were. My sister #3 had big issues with the marriage and such. I would love to hear more!

[Big_Sissy]

Ok, being the person that I am, I got side tracked and completely forgot to call my source. I'll call today and get more info.

And SRG, I agree, scary really isn't it. At least for me it is