Caring for your Parents

[5ft Diva]

Do you ever wonder if you'll be the one to take care of one or more of your parents in their aging years or even a sibling that can't care for themselves when your parents are gone? What are you doing anything about it now to prepare for that possibility?

[runamyrun]

This is actually a concern of mine. I worry that we will need to financially help certain family members. That is stressful to me because it is hard enough to support one family, let alone two.

I also figure that my older sister will eventually live with us. She is mentally handicapped and currently lives in an apartment by herself. She is in an awesome situation. My mom has asked me to take care of her finances after my parents are gone. Diabetes runs in my family and if my sister becomes diabetic (she is overweight) she will need to move in with my parents. I assume she will live with us after they are gone (I'm not sure though, my brother or other sister might take care of her.).

I don't think I am doing anything to prepare for it.

My husband's perspective is that it feels like too much of a burden to even think about it. He figures that if something happens, you cope with it and everything works out even if it is hard.

[bookworm]

I would do anything for my Dad. My mom is the one I dread the future for. I can't even begin to express the terror at the thought of having to take care of her. As far as in-laws go, we would happily take them in if they needed it. We have no space, but we would just figure it out as we went along. We refuse, however, to take in DH's deadbeat bro who lives with them now. In the event that he outlives them, he'll have to (gasp!) get a job and find his own place to live. He's done it before, he's not handicapped, he can do it again. Financially, I'm not worried. Things have a way of taking care of themselves. God will bless us if we honor and serve our parents this way. Again, though, my mom (shudder) is the only one I would really have a hard time with.

[runamyrun]

I realize my previous post sounds selfish. I love both of our families and appreciate everything they have done for us. I would be more than willing to help them in any way they needed. I do worry about the financial aspect, but my husband is working hard on his business so that hopefully in the future that won't be a concern. I also worry about taking care of my sister (it would almost be like having a child with us forever), but I love her and figure things will work out.

[5ft Diva]

I'm anticipating that if my parents needed to be cared for or my hubby's parents needed to be cared for that there are other members in the family that would do it, just because it's in their nature to do so. I am, however, wondering about the day my parents or his parents start to get older and how we still make them feel important to us. How often do we visit and things like that. One thing that I've learned from observing my own grandparents is how to teach my children to take the time to remember their own grandparents as they themselves get older and start having their own families. I am not worried about his parents, my parents on the other hand are the types that bite the hands that feed you so I don't know how much of a relationship any of us will have with them in the years to come. We'll see.

[Dia Minha]

This is the main reason I feel the need to finish our basement as soon as possible. My mom is being ran out of her house. My siblings seem to have it in their heads that my mom still owes them, somehow, and keep moving back in. Right now along with my handicapped brother, she is housing my brother and his two kids and my sister, her husband and two kids. The two families living there have completely different morals and ways of living, which is really dragging my mom down. I have offered her a bed at my house several times. I think she deserves more than a bed and hope to have her a room and her own bathroom downstairs available before they break her down completely. This would be the only reason for us needing a bigger house anywhere in the near future. I would have a room for my mom in the finished basement, but my brother would need access to a main floor room with no stairs. We could pull it off, if we built a ramp up the front steps and then gave up our office if needed, but we would all be better off if we just got something a little bigger.

I am already a big emotional support to my mom and handicapped brother. We talk on the phone often. We get along very well. I think we would all live together nicely. That is if we all had our own bathrooms.

Dia

[Big_Sissy]

Just so you know. Women in general are planners. Men are NOT! So the fact that some of your spouses may just be ignoring this has more to do with not being planners than anything else.

My thoughts are I'll help where I'm needed. But I'm not planning on anything. If it comes it comes, if it doesn't it doesn't. We'll deal either way.

[Erudite]

My DH is an oldest son so I can foresee taking in one of my inlaws when the other is gone. We've planned for that in our current house by thinking that my main floor office could be turned into a lovely bedroom with a bathroom just across the hall. We'd have to remodel to put in a tub/shower, but we could do that because there's space in the garage. We get along with them both very well and would be happy to take care of them in the future.

As for my parents, I come from a large family and I'd guess that I wouldn't end taking care of them, though I'd be happy to do so if that were needed. I'm lucky to have easy to live with parents and inlaws.