I just want to be heard!!!

[5ft Diva]

Why is it that some of the people we talk to only listen and don't really hear what we're saying? When this happens to me I feel annoyed because it's a waste of my time to sit there and try to explain something to someone who isn't really hearing what I'm saying. I mean, they can hear the words leaving my lips, but are not understanding what it is I'm saying. Utter frustration, that is! I'm so sorry if talking to me provides this kind of an experience for you. Truly I am.

I guess I just needed to vent. I'm tired of not being heard!!!!!! Today was just one of those days.

[Meticulous madness]

I ABSOLUTELY get what you are saying, Diva!

You can usually see it in people's eyes, whether they are "with you" or not. I've learned that some people aren't good at "hearing" and don't realize it. Some people aren't good at hearing and DO realize it. They are the types of people who really have to FOCUS on doing it (because they know it's something they don't do well, and want to be better).

Some people CHOOSE not to hear. That's the most frustrating kind of person at all.

Anyway, I probably shouldn't go on and on - in your thread. Just wanted to tell you I understand and I feel your pain!

[runamyrun]

I'm sorry! Feel free to vent!

[runamyrun]

Oh, and have fun on your trip!

[Erudite]

You know...DH had to sit me down, early in our marriage, and say "you gotta start listening to me". I would glaze over and how rude of me! Since that time, I make an active effort to hear him and be heard by him. It IS something to learn, but makes our marriage good. I also sometimes still have to tell myself "this is an important person to listen to" when talking with people, even mere acquaintances, so that I won't glaze over. I have to work on asking active questions. I guess I say all that because some people are just better at it than others. Not to diminish the fact that you should be heard, because we all should. It is something that we can all work on, probably.

I'm glad you vented though. Sometimes it's good to get it off your chest. And I'm glad you called to tell me stuff this morning too. I hope you felt heard.

[5ft Diva]

I did, and thanks. I think to go along w/ hearing I also want to be understood. It doesn't mean that people agree w/ me, it just means they understand why I do/say what I do/say and that they are tolerant of me being who I am. Boy, do I need to work on this, too!

[Big_Sissy]

I really hope I'm doing a good job of this. I'm sure you can tell me off-line (hint hint) if I'm not

[Dia Minha]

Diva, I hope I have never not listened to you. Sometimes when I'm on the phone I do get distracted, but not because I don't want to hear you, but that I will have a little one demanding my attention. I'm trying to learn from you and instead of just trying to keep listen, excuse myself from the conversation for a moment, take care of her needs and then give you back my full attention. That is one thing you are really good at doing.

[Big_Sissy]

I can tell you you are correct. When she is on the phone, it's as if she's not even home

[Dia Minha]

Big Sissy, I think you misunderstood me. I was saying that Diva is really good about paying attention to me on the phone. When her little ones need her she says excuses herself from the conversation. Then comes back into the conversation after taking care of what she needed to. I tend to try and take care of my kids and listen at the same time and I'm sure by doing so I am not listening as well as I could.

[Big_Sissy]

I'm talking about Diva. I'm only saying that she is very focused when she is on the phone.

[Erudite]

It's something we love about her! But I'm with Dia...she's good about "hang on a sec" and talking calmly to kids and even her DH...who when told I'm on the phone knows it's gonna be awhile before he has her back...what a good DH!!

[Big_Sissy]

That's especially true if she's talking to you!

[Erudite]

Ah...only too true. But we come up so many solutions to things we both face. There's rarely something here on the board from me that I haven't run by 5D on the phone first... and it takes awhile to hash it all out so that it comes out somewhat eloquently in writing.

[Big_Sissy]

ha ha, well, you can call it what you want, but it's like she's not even home is she's on the phone.

[Erudite]

Hear that, 5D? I bet you need to come to my house more often!

[Big_Sissy]

uhm no. The big difference here is the that gas tank still has gas in it.

[5ft Diva]

Originally Posted by Big_Sissy

ha ha, well, you can call it what you want, but it's like she's not even home is she's on the phone.

Pipe down, BS. I'm the one that is wanting to be heard. No, I'm just kidding. This is obviously an issue for you. Please come talk to me about this so we can resolve it.

[Big_Sissy]

I'm not sure what their is to talk about, but I'll speak to you about it.

[itabuna93]

I have felt the same way! Just last night I was told I was not listening. I guess I was just listening to only what I wanted to hear and not really what was being said. I guess it would help if I listen better. Sorry!