The insecure/secure roller coaster

[5ft Diva]

Just wondering if anyone else feels the ups and downs of feeling secure and then insecure? I have noticed that I'm doing this a lot lately and it drives me nuts. One day I'm feeling fine about where I'm at (I don't want to be specific) and the next day BAM! it's like I'm in 7th grade again and I'm feeling totally insecure about where I'm at. It's kind of exhausting living w/ myself on those days. Just wondering if I'm the only one who does this? If not, what do you do when you're feeling this way? Do you just ride it out? Do you have to pull yourself out of it? Is it hormonal?

I know that when I get like this it's time to hang out w/ "the girls" because they have a way of grounding me. I always feel so alone and yet when I talk to others, I find that I'm TOTALLY normal. Anyway, just wondering if I really am alone on this one. Be honest.

[Dia Minha]

No Diva, you are not alone. I deal with the same thing. However, with me it is hanging out with the girls that can send me back to 7th grade.

I can't seem to form another coherent sentence on the matter so I'll end there. I guess its bedtime.

[runamyrun]

As far as I am concerned, you are completely normal. Sometimes I feel completely secure and don't really care what people think of me (in a nice way, though!). And then some days I feel like I am back in high school again! I have noticed other women do this too. I wish we could all be happy and not worry about things like that. Sometimes I think Satan is working really hard to make us feel bad about ourselves, so that maybe we will spend less time focusing on the things that really matter.

[5ft Diva]

I appreciate your comments on this one ladies!!!!!!!!! Thank you. I talked to a trusted and wise friend tonight and told her I was feeling a bit anxious about some things in my life and the very first thing she asked me was, "Do you have someone you can talk to EVERYDAY who isn't your husband?" I thought it was an interesting question and I pondered it a bit and I can see the wisdom in it. I interpreted this question a bit further (to fit my own needs) and it now translates into, "Do you have someone you can count on talking to EVERYDAY who isn't your husband?" I can see how having someone to just chat w/ every day for a few minutes (sometimes hours) helps keep you balanced. Now, no offense DH's (I know my DH isn't). We women just want to talk out our problems and work through them at our own pace. You guys hear our problems and want to fix them and that takes the fun out of talking. There is and should be a place for talking to husbands, but most details that are important to us are dull and boring to you and we know you don't want to know every little thing and yet we have this uncontrollable need/desire to share these dull and boring details w/ someone who actually cares. This is what girlfriends (and sisters) are for.

This person ends up being like your check point. They help you see where you're at emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. It's like every time you see them what you're really doing is saying, "Okay, where am I at today? How am I doing right now?" It usually takes getting our thoughts out of our heads and out of our mouths so we can actually hear what we're thinking in an organized sort of way to understand that about ourselves. I'm not saying every woman is like this (because I know plenty of women who say fewer than 20 words a day and are perfectly fine w/ that), but I would say the majority of the time this holds true.

I used to go swimming w/ a couple of friends every night and this is what that was for me. I also used to go to the temple twice a month w/ a friend and that is what that was for me. I used to do girls' night. For a short while I was meeting w/ friends for a weekly group, but that's come and gone too. Since having the baby I haven't done anything or had anything to look forward to (other than weekly meetings that are all "business") and can see that there is a great need in my life to look forward to a social "moment" where I can be a little selfish and focus on just me for a time. It may seem weird that I went from roller coaster to needing a friendly gathering that I look forward to, but hey, we don't always know what's at the end of the road we start on. I don't know if this makes sense at all to any of you. Hopefully it does.

When I went camping this weekend my father-in-law was telling us that women generally say 14,000 words/day and men say 2000 words/day (these statistics seem a bit extreme, nevertheless, you get the jist) and this is why women have the need to socialize. We just need to sort out problems. I notice if I don't have someone that I regularly talk to then when I do run into someone I know I tend to "explode" and won't stop talking because I'm starved, for lack of a better word, to talk to someone. (I actually did this to someone at the store the other day and it was SOOOOO embarrassing!!!) I wish I wasn't like this, and yet it's my nature to be like this. I wonder if I should work at not being like this and then I think, this is how I am. Why would I want to change this about myself? There's nothing wrong w/ needing and wanting to talk to someone; it just matters what I say and how I say it (and how long I say it ).

Okay, (case in point) really long post (broken cardinal rule #1 of web posting) that wandered all over the place (broken cardinal rule #2 of web posting), and again, hope it makes sense.

Basically what I got from this was that I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR A LITTLE BIT AND FOCUS ON JUST ME.

[Big_Sissy]

If it makes you feel any better, I go through the same thing. I, however, don't feel the need or even want to talk about it.

I truely believe Satan has a major role in this. I wouldn't nor do I chalk it up to hormones. I'll get little ideas in my head that are detrimental to my current mental state that will make me feel vulnerable/insecure. I personally have to stop and give the throught some attention and decide if it's real or not. Almost always I decide it's nonsense and move on. That seems to work for me, but then again, I am from Mars.

[5ft Diva]

Thanks BS. I think you're right about Satan taking advantage of our vulnerabilities. This is why I'm learning (for me) that it's good to talk to someone regularly to "check in".

I'll give you a perfectly good example of this. I was talking to your mom one day about how we've been struggling to have regular family scripture study. She responded with, "What kinds of things have you tried to do?" Then after telling her what felt like at least 20 different things she kind of got a distant look in her eye and said, "You know, we tried so many different strategies w/ our kids when we were having family scripture study and I don't think any one of them worked. But I will tell you this, I'm learning that it only mattered that we were trying."

When she said that I immediately realized that what I am going through is normal and that I'm not failing as a parent. I desperately needed her perspective on this to help me see where I was on the spectrum and it's exactly where I need to be.

Anyway, thanks for your thoughts. I've just learned that when I start feeling weird (this means Satan's influence) it's time to "check in" w/ someone and find out if I'm indeed normal or off my rocker completely. (This, I believe, will illiminate the roller coaster.)

[Big_Sissy]

ha ha, you are so visual... I'm glad the roller coaster has been illuminated

[5ft Diva]

Oh, no! Not illuminated, illiminated and it hasn't necessarily happened yet. I just what needs to happen in order for that to happen.

[Erudite]

You mean "eliminated". Though it was kindof a good play on words, BS and 5D, to say illuminated...since illuminating it is the key to eliminating, wouldn't you say? You both have the need to illuminate a problem, BS in his head and 5D out loud, in order to eliminate the problem. We all do.

But don't knock the roller coaster too much. That you have a roller coaster is part of the human experience and without it, you wouldn't be able to truly rise (see 2 Nephi 2:11; Moses 5:11). I think I expressed my personal experience on this in the "crossing off the list" thread. Yep, I have the roller coaster too, though mine may be slightly different. I hope this doesn't sound boastful, but I don't have insecurities like you gals describe; I didn't even in high school. What gets me is the "who I am now" compared against "who I want to and can be". I get discouraged in continually falling short. Maybe it's the same thing though, since it occurs to me that what you're describing is also "falling short" in some way and you know you can pick up and move on.

Let's see...so the original question was do I? yes. Do I ride it out? What else is there to do? is my answer. I try praying and scripture reading and reading my journal as strategies, but the best one for me is "focus on the positive". I may not be where I can see I can be yet, but I'm trying...and that's the biggest part of getting back up the roller coaster hill: acknowledge that you're trying. Illuminate the good to eliminate the bad.

E

[5ft Diva]

Yes, eliminate! I can't believe I spelt that wrong! (ha ha)

I agree that the trying part is the most important. It really doesn't matter how you ride the roller coaster, just as long as you're trying. It'll be different for all of us as we all have different needs.

[Big_Sissy]

:lol I can't even spell and I got it right That was funny for some reason.