Just The Way You Are

[5ft Diva]

Why is it sometimes so hard to accept ourselves just the way we are? I see examples of this every day and can see how much better life is when one can master the ability to accept themselves just the way they are - no strings attached. How are you learning to do this and if you're already there, how have you done it and how has it changed your life?

[mxmama]

Do you mean emotionally or physically? Or both?

Just curious.

[5ft Diva]

I mean it any way you want to interpret it.

[Meticulous madness]

Really good question Diva!

[sunrisegirl]

Good question! I think one of the hardest things for myself is not comparing myself to others. If you can get past that and just look for the good in yourself and what God has given you it makes life a whole lot better. I think I've been blessed with a really good husband who helps me always look for the good in myself and others.
I think having 2 daughters has really helped me. I know I play an important role in the way they will think about things like body image through out the rest of there life. So I always try to think positvely not only for me but for them.
I also have a sister with a serious eating disorder and it's helped me realize how sad it can be if we are not happy with ourselves! It affects everyone around us!

[5ft Diva]

Eating disorders are scary and you're right, they do affect everybody.

Thanks for your insight, SG. What a great hubby you have!

[Erudite]

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

Why is it sometimes so hard to accept ourselves just the way we are? I see examples of this every day and can see how much better life is when one can master the ability to accept themselves just the way they are - no strings attached. How are you learning to do this and if you're already there, how have you done it and how has it changed your life?

Perhaps we don't know who we are. I'm one of those people who accepts who I am but still want to improve, change, and grow. And I accept and love me, because I know who I am. And who I am is a part of a marvelous work and a wonder. We all are. Would we be part of that if we were not worth it? I think not. Would we be bombarded with thoughts of being less than we are if we were not worth more than we realize? Nope.

There are those out there who would drag us down and try to make us small because they hope they'll improve by comparison. It is their choice to do so, but it does not change who I am, who you are. Other's choices do not change what we ARE.

Stand tall, sister friends. You are magnificent and don't let anyone tell you that you're not.

[5ft Diva]

Ahhh, you nailed it when you said others think they'll improve by comparison. The trick is not seeing yourself differently because you've been compared by another (or are comparing yourself to someone else). Great insight, E. I'm trying to master this very thing. What I'm finding is that in order to be who you are and to see others as they are, you have to stop playing the victim. I thought that was interesting. It's been very helpful in standing tall no matter what anybody else's opinion is.

[runamyrun]

I have also had problems with comparing myself to others. I would look at other people's best attributes, and compare them to my worst. I would also look at other people's lives and think that their life was more exciting than my boring life. One day I started thinking about some of my hobbies and talents. (I don't want this to sound like I'm bragging, because that is not my intention.) I realized that people might look at the fact that I run marathons, and think I have an exciting life. I love my life, but I feel that it is normal. If I feel that way about my life, I bet others feel that way about theirs'. That changed my way of thinking a lot. I also realized that if everybody on this earth was just like me, this would be a boring and annoying world! Thank goodness for diversity! Another thing I used to worry about was my hair. I am so lazy with it and rarely do anything with it other than wash and brush it (of course I keep it clean!). I always looked at other women and wished my hair looked like theirs', but I didn't want to spend the time to do it. One day a woman in our neighborhood told me that she loves my hair, and that it shows that I have confidence! I realized that it was all in my attitude! I figure that my husband, kids, family and friends love me for who I am. Of course there are always things that I need to work on to improve, but I am a lot happier with myself now.

[mxmama]

I'm still gathering and organizing my thoughts to answer this the best I can.

[smed]

Amy- to your last post. I wish I had hair like yours. I have naturally curly hair. So to straighten it, It takes up so much time and energy. Don't get me wrong I love my hair and I like to look pretty with it done, but for me wheither I leave it curly or go straight It bugs me somedays, and I wish I could just brush through it and VOLA!

I think it's hard to accept ourselves because for me I try to be too perfect! Yes! I know not everyone is perfect but it's all around us of what perfect is. Or what it should be. This gets into our heads of what perfect should be and if we don't live up to that potential then we feel like failures, and become depresed and not good enough. For me I try not to get in the worldly thinking. The thing that helps me the most is list the things I've done and accomplished that day. It might be just hanging out with my kids and reading stories all day long. It might be that I got to clean my bathrooms for the week, etc. YEA!! the list can be endless. We do so much service for our children, husbands, friends and loved ones that it should make us feel good about ourselves, but sometimes we get unnoticed of doing the small things like changing poopy diapers! We need not to forget that we are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us and we love him. If we do our part He'll make up the rest!! this reminds me of the Visiting Teaching message for this month. It is on Charity! For me when I think of Charity I think of some big, huge act of service that is so powerful! This is not true! it can also be in the most simplist act like: seek for others to do better; inspire others to do better, inspire them to pursuit of God, be friend someone new, be kinder, more gentle, more forgiving, and SLOWER TO ANGER! We can do this everyday by the talents we all have and share them to others so they can become a better person, friend and so forth.

As I lay in bed each night and think of all the thinks I've done through out the day I am amazed at how much potentially I accually have.

[Erudite]

"If I have seen farther than other men, it is by standing of the shoulders of giants." Issac Newton, physicist. Here we have one of the smartest people who ever lived, accepting the fact that he couldn't do anything alone. He understood that he could not know what he knew or do what he did without the help of others. Greatness happens when people get together and pool their strengths for each other's benefit. It happens when lessons are passed down and taken even further.

Learn your strengths and the strengths of the people around you. Find out how you can help each other achieve what you never could alone. Right now, you can be the one "seeing farther." OR be the "giant with shoulders" for someone else. Either way, you'll be part of something big.

This was the daily reflection from my healthy living site and I thought it went along with this question of 5D's and Smed's and Amy's posts. We are a part of something big no matter which part we are. We are each important in our own right for exactly who we are and what we can do. We will change parts from time to time, assisting the big picture in different ways by developing different talents and different opportunities, but the big picture doesn't change. I think when we see ourselves inside those possibilities, we can feel ourselves valued and important and essential.

[Erudite]

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

Ahhh, you nailed it when you said others think they'll improve by comparison. The trick is not seeing yourself differently because you've been compared by another (or are comparing yourself to someone else). Great insight, E. I'm trying to master this very thing. What I'm finding is that in order to be who you are and to see others as they are, you have to stop playing the victim. I thought that was interesting. It's been very helpful in standing tall no matter what anybody else's opinion is.

Yesterday in church, we were discussing 1 John and the teacher asked about our feelings toward others, especially when they'd hurt you. What is the lie in this? he asked. My response was that the lie is that other's reactions determine our own. What other people do doesn't determine who we are or how we might react. Some in the class pointed out how many times Jesus had been bad mouthed and whipped and betrayed and yet reached out in love and concern every time. It's amazing to us because it is so hard for us to not let other's actions determine our own...but they don't. We determine our reactions no matter what. That choice is never taken from us.

Last week, we'd talked about 2 Peter where he lists the progression we need to go through to get to charity. Diligence, faith, virture, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, charity. It occurred to me that NOT taking things badly when people are mean is an act of temperance or self-control. And therefore mastering that heads you toward the next skill/talent/blessing to be gained...patience.

Anyway...there's some stray thoughts for you.

[mxmama]

IMO Its all about security.

You can use the word security or comfortable here, they are almost the same for this purpose.

How secure are you are with your choices?
How secure are you are with your looks?

I also feel the way people treat you can impact your level of security if you have emotions invested.

I don't care how some stranger reacts to me or the choices I make.
I DO care how someone I love reacts to me and the choices I make. Only because I have emotions invested in them.



I do believe physical actions are completely controllable, this includes the things that come out of our mouths!

[5ft Diva]

How secure are you w/ your choices? That is a really good question, mx. Yet another tid-bit you shared on BnS that struck a chord w/ me. Thanks!

[mxmama]

Well I would consider myself very secure with my choices, the down side is, I take a LONG time to make choices.

I think long and hard about all the trade offs (everything ends up being a trade, sooner or later you get what you give) before I can make a decision.
The counselor put it nicely when she said I am "very passionate" about my thoughts.

I really am.

The way people react to my choices is a weaker area for me. Not strangers, but people who I have an emotional tie to. I do care how others feel, maybe too much sometimes.
However they still don't effect my decision making process. I really keep that between God and me.

It really bothers me when people I care about don't understand that my decision making process doesn't involve them as much as it does God.

What I do is between me and God, I think about answering to Him, not anyone on this earth. That really seems to offend a lot of people.

But oh well I just for them.

[mxmama]

I was all snuggled in bed and this ate away at me to come share. I may be reiterating what I already said, but I really want to add this.....



I focus on the "WHY" I am doing something more than the "WHAT"

People who are bothered by my actions are concerning themselves with "what" I am doing and not "WHY" I am doing it.



At times it can seem selfish. I think about myself and why I do what ever it is I do. If I cant feel good about it, really GOOD about it, I just have a hard time doing it. Usually I'll have a little chit chat with God and that is the ultimate security I can have in any decisions I make.

[5ft Diva]

You're awesome, mx. Way to go! You're so inspiring.

[bookworm]

oh, MX, well said- you're so good at putting things like that into words!!! Thank you!

[mxmama]

Thank you, Im glad its clear.

But going back reading through this thread it seems to be more about about people having a hard time with their physical appearance.

Im not the most secure person in that area, I have noticed I go through phases of confident levels through out life.

Yes I am happy with the way God made me!

I have all my limbs, fingers and toes, I can walk, I can talk, I can see and hear....
I am so blessed to have a working body!

Any part of that could be taken away in the blink of an eye, so I cherish those gifts.

The hard part for me is I feel guilty that those very gifts I have, I'm not caring for the way I know I should be.
My body isn't at its peak performance for what God intended it to be, due to the choices I make.

I know I shouldn't be 15 lbs over weight, but I am.

I know I need to be more active, but I'm not.

These are my physical battles, I need to get the same strength from God in that area as I have for my emotional battles.

For me its so hard to include Him in that area of my life.
Its not a habit yet.

This thread is making me realize thats what I need to work on, making that a habit.

Thanks for the wake up