Not taking criticsm personally

[5ft Diva]

I had the privilege of listening to Dr. John Lund (author of, Without Offense) on Friday night at an adult fireside. It was excellent. One of the things he talked about was criticsm. He explained that it is a skill to learn to NOT take criticsm personally, particularly when the criticism is given without you asking for it.

He suggested doing something everytime you were given unsolicited criticism such as snapping your wrist with a rubberband or keeping track of who gets criticized the most (when you are both with someone who can't keep their criticisms to themselves) and the person with the most criticisms at the end of the day gets treated to a double decker. These were, obviously, funny examples he used, but I understood the principle he was trying to teach.

Which begs the question, is there anything you consciously do to keep from taking criticism personally? Is there some ritual or saying you repeat to yourself that helps you not internalize the criticism being given? Does it bother you to recieve criticism? Is criticism helpful, and if so, how do you like it to be given? (I'm not asking this question so I can start criticizing you all - it was just an interesting concept to me.) I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas on this.

[natickgirl]

Interesting topic. In general, criticism only gets to me when it comes, unsolicited and untactful, from someone close to me. Joe Shmoe could rant & rage about me and I wouldn't care, but when DH says something unthoughtful, no matter how helpful he's trying to be, I usually take it personally. It doesn't bother me much when friends offer criticism, because I know they usually mean well...so why does it bother me so much when it comes from DH? Maybe I should try the elastic-around-the-wrists method (although, I think I'd end up with a perma-line around them).

[runamyrun]

I don't deal with criticism well. I am a people pleaser, and I want everyone to like me. I think most people feel that to some degree, though. When I have heard criticism about myself second hand, it hurts, but then I realize that the person criticizing me doesn't have all of the facts, or they don't really know me. It is silly, but sometimes I feel the need to explain it to everyone so they won't judge unfairly, and I am working on that, because people don't need to know everything!

Now, for criticism that is true, I don't think my friends have done very much of that with me, or maybe they did it in such a kind way that it wasn't hurtful. So, I guess an answer to one of your questions, is that if you have a criticism for me, please be loving and kind, and don't make me feel like I am being attacked. I think one main thing, is that I am already really hard on myself. I know all of my flaws, or at least most of them. I am trying to work on them and I know I'm not perfect. I guess it can be hurtful because I am already trying to do better. I would rather have people try to lift me up than point out something I did wrong.

Well, if it wasn't something I was aware of doing, I would want to know. Especially if it affected someone in a hurtful way. I would want to know what I had done, so I could try to fix it.

Like NG, criticism from my husband really bothers me. I am able to be a lot more easy going with everyone else, but get offended more easily with my husband. Maybe we should all start wearing elastics around our wrists!

[5ft Diva]

I just remembered a quote I heard from John Lund a couple of weeks ago. He said something to the effect that most people think that discouragement is Satan's #1 tool, but it isn't. Discouragement is caused by criticism so criticism is actually Satan's #1 tool.

I found that rather interesting. Made me think long and hard about how I come across to people - sure don't want to be helping that 'other guy' out.