Puppy love....(gag!)

[5ft Diva]

So, my DS has found a girl he likes and he told me they are "going out". (BTW, I wanted to puke when he told me this.) There were so many things I could've said at the moment....What are you thinking?, You can't have a girlfriend, You're grounded until you're 25, etc., but all I found myself saying were things like, Oh, really. Is she a nice girl? What do the two of you talk about? Where does she live? It took everything inside me to BE calm.....

Anyways, what is the non-freak-out way for a mom to respond to this kind of thing? I really don't want to encourage the boyfriend/girlfriend thing AND I want to keep the lines of communication open. HELP!!!

[Dia Minha]

Hahahahaha! My oldest hasn't resorted to the "going out" yet, but she has had her share of crushes. The nice thing at her age is that all the girls like the same boys so they haven't resorted to pairing up. I would say you handled it very well. Something I have done when the subject comes up with my 12, almost 13 year old is let her know exactly where I stand on the issue. I let her know it is ok to have a crush, but not ok to hold hands, kiss, date etc. We talk about how she will have plenty of time to do that later and right now she can just enjoy liking a boy and having several like her and they can just all be friends. It helps that Miss Margene is so open and willing to talk to her as well. The boy she has a major crush on his playing the daddy duck to her mommy duck in the play she is in. Miss Margene told her how fun it was for that to happen and how important it was to remain friends so that they could continue to work together well and all sorts of things. She was able to give Isabel a chance to look at it from a different point of view than I could, because she works with people in plays, choirs, and the like all the time.

[bookworm]

This is going to be the toughest issue to deal with for some years to come, I'm afraid. My sons haven't had that opportunity yet, and we have had MANY conversations about how much fun it is to date lots of girls, and how when a boy and girl are attached, they miss out on the chance to "try on" lots of different personalities and people, and how they often miss out on some of their best friendships because the group of guys hanging out is usually not okay with the girlfriend, you know? Teenage girls, especially, are VERY possessive of their boyfriends (usually).

I recommended the book "Unsteady" before, and I would recommend it again here. It's the book written by the same person who contributed a great deal to the New Era issue about dating. It is very good, and might give you some idea of where to start now that he is already in this situation.

Does he know how you feel? Does he know you would rather he wait until he's older to get attached? Does he know that the Prophets have been teaching the youth not to date until they are 16, and that means group dates?

It's such a tough thing. One of my sons' best friends has a girl that he's "going out with", and it actually makes my second DS really angry (the boy is in the same grade with ours that are Freshmen), because now he "ditches" them in the mornings, at lunch, at games, etc. Every second he can, he's with this girl. I don't know how much his mom knows-- maybe just that there is a girl that her son hangs on and such (one of his coaches told her that), but she doesn't know what to do, either.

My sister's oldest son steadily dated a girl in HS, and my sister realized she couldn't stop him, and that she didn't want to lecture him and cause a rift in HER relationship with him, so she just made sure he understood what she expected of him, that she trusted him to make good choices, and that there were still rules in place: curfew, not being alone in the basement for long stretches of time, etc. to help him stay good.

I think you handled that situation just right. You will make things worse if you lecture or harp on him every second. I think it's great that he told you-- that means he feels safe with you and knows he can trust you not to freak out. (Or this was a test and you proved this to him). He will need your support. It's very hard for kids to realize that anyone you date you will either marry or break up with. And breaking up is so difficult...

Welcome to the future...

I'll be curious to hear what goes on with this. My oldest turns 16 in a couple of days, and he's not ready to date, but all it takes is one look from the right girl...