R.S. Network of Help

[5ft Diva]

Sister Julie B. Beck once said to a group of R.S. sisters: "We know from reading the scriptures that even the best of the best of the Lord's favored people will not escape mortal life. We will have experiences that test us and try us, and it is the network of help that we provide for each other that strengthens us."

Who have you invited into your network of R.S. sisters to help you through the trials you encounter in life? Does it come from the sisters in your ward? Your family? From around the world? How do you contribute to other sisters' networks? How do you strengthen them and lift them up? What specifically strengthens and helps you?

[natickgirl]

Interesting question. When I had my surgery in December, I actually went WAY out of my comfort zone and requested meals from the R.S. I knew my husband wouldn't ask for help, but I also knew that I needed him to have the help, for my own sanity. Some people came and dropped meals off at the door, but a few stayed a few minutes to talk, and it made a world of difference to me. I learned that sometimes (or, perhaps, most of the time) people need company more than they need meals.

Why is it that we are so quick to serve with meals, canning assignments, etc., but never ever want to be the recipient of service? Part of the reason I asked for help was because my Mom, as she was dying of cancer, helped me understand that women WANT and NEED to help each other. It's in our nature. And, when we can't think of anything else, at least we can bring a casserole, or cookies, or even stay and chat for a minute.

I try to support others by seeking those who may feel lonely and befriending them. (Except my MIL's psycho-friend, but that a whole NOTHER story). I've been struggling a bit with loneliness in my new ward, so I've gone out of my way, and my comfort zone, to be friendly. Each ward has cliques, and I'm slowly finding where I belong...when my friendliness is met with no reciprocation, I know I need to spend my energy elsewhere. I've found a few kindred spirits, so to speak, who also feel a little out of place here.

For more personal matters, I turn to family or close friends. Different people are allowed different parts of me, if that makes sense. It depends on who I feel is "safe" with a particular issue. Don't know if that makes sense.

What do you, 5 ft? How have you been supported, and how do you support those around you?

[bookworm]

This is a very interesting topic, Diva. I am rotten at friendships and I'm terrible socially with women. I always feel like I say the wrong thing, or don't do the right thing, and I feel enormous guilt over the things I could or should have done but didn't. My own home life feels so overwhelming most of the time that I simply forget or mentally can't deal with assisting others like I should. I never learned this stuff, and I don't seem to be picking it up very well now, either. I am trying, though, to be the best daughter of God that I have the capability to be in my current body and mind and life.

Here are my answers to your questions: (And I'd love to hear your answers, Diva. You are one amazing woman and very good at building "networks", I think.)

Who have you invited into your network of R.S. sisters to help you through the trials you encounter in life? I have a few good friends, but I have my own silly personal "trust" issues, so generally I only spend time with a very few and it's not very frequent. I would like to have more ward or neighborhood friends and feel more included, but a combination of factors tend to keep me home and to myself. Because of these issues of mine, I am eternally grateful to my Heavenly Father for my sisters. They are my main network. My oldest sister helps me through spiritual and parenting trials, and one of my younger sisters has the life most similar to mine, and we really understand each others financial trials. I don't have any R.S. sisters that I feel I can totally be open and share my burdens with. There are some things in my life that I don't trust anyone with, so I carry them alone. Kind of sad, when I say it like that, but I'm not sad about it, usually.

How do you contribute to other sisters' networks? How do you strengthen them and lift them up? Good question. I wish I did more. As I stated above, I feel like I really don't know how to do this stuff, and I wish I were better at thinking of others. I don't know if I'm selfish, but I don't do very well at helping others unless they let me know what their needs are. Then I'm happy to help. I just don't know how to be assertive and jump in, I guess. I do try to take the opportunity to smile at and chat with ladies at church, and I faithfully do my visiting teaching, as an effort to overcome my social anxiety, but at the end of the day, I'm back in my turtle shell.

What specifically strengthens and helps you? From R.S. women? I don't know. I don't get a lot of help or strength from women I know. A couple of friends and my sisters are there when I ask for help, and I love having that knowledge. I don't really seek help from anyone else, I guess, and I don't expect it.

[5ft Diva]

-Who have you invited into your network of R.S. sisters to help you through the trials you encounter in life?
-How do you contribute to other sisters' networks?
-How do you strengthen them and lift them up?
-What specifically strengthens and helps you?

I'm pretty willing to accept help from just about anybody with the exception of those who are toxic and/or addicted to drama. I just like people. I like interacting with them, I like watching them, and I love learning from them. It's the way I am and it really won't ever change so I've decided to embrace it. So the short answer to the first question is everybody who is mentally and emotionally healthy.

I don't know if how I contribute to others' networks is effective, but I can tell you that I don't do anything extraordinary and I especially don't do for others what I wouldn't do for my own family. I just do the best I can to "lift where I stand". For example, contacting a friend who's been on my mind, making a visit to a sister who's in the hospital, dropping off a card to let someone know someone is thinking of them. I must say though, that it begins w/ prayer. Heavenly Father does help me know who needs help when I ask and I find that practical opportunities to serve come more abundantly when I get specific - my point is that it doesn't happen because of me.

How do I strengthen and lift those around me? Through a spiritual experience one day I learned that many women lack confidence in themselves that they are doing the right thing. They lack this confidence because they are constantly comparing and measuring themselves up to others around them. I believe it is normal to do this because women are very goal oriented and in order to know if you've achieved a goal you need to measure it...thus the comparisons (and obviously because Satan would love nothing more than distract us from seeing our full potential as daughters of God). But if the only measuring stick we put ourselves against was the Lord's then I believe we would all act more independently of each other, thus contributing to the whole in a more effective way becoming a society that is the village raising the child rather than feeling like we needed to conform to a certain way of being. Anyway, long story short, since understanding this I have felt impressed to make a more concerted effort to show and tell others that I have confidence in their abilities to do good. I have confidence in their ability to hear and act on the promptings of the Spirit. I have confidence that they have the tools to find answers for themselves. Most women already know what the Lord would have them do and how to do it...they just need a little extra push in the right direction because the adversary's "wind" is pushing against her so hard. Hope this made sense.

What strengthens me? Not surprisingly, it is the confidence from those around me that I am doing the right things. I don't normally need dinners and I rarely need babysitters because my children are older. I love it when I am being encouraged by a fellow sister who sees her own potential encouraging me to see mine; the differences we see in each other is as beautiful as a multicolored flower garden. It is the words of encouragement to keep going and keep doing what only I can do for my family - the encouragement and confidence from others to act independently for myself and my family. For me personally, I want to be self-reliant and I have found that I can do many hard things especially with the encouragement and support of the women around me. There is something that literally happens to my motivation/confidence in myself when words that gift confidence and encouragement are said. I'm a visual person so here's the visual. Think of a woman running a marathon as the one receiving the help to move forward and those saying those words of encouragement thus contributing to the success and confidence of the one running the marathon as that crowd on the side helping her move forward whether it be through words, water, energy bars, directions, or perspective.... Does this make sense?