Why don't people talk about money?

[5ft Diva]

MY BIL has a forum, some of you may have taken a look at it - [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] Anyway, he started a thread wondering why people are so secretive about their money because he grew up in a home where people talked very openly about what they made and how much debt they had. What are your thoughts on this matter? I wanted to give him a general idea of what all of us over in this neck of the woods think, however, if you're feeling adventurous, please register on his website and answer the question yourself as he'd love more members.

[Erudite]

Hmmmm well, I don't know that I grew up one way or another. I know my parents did their finances once a week...or rather my Dad did them and my Mom supported. But I never thought to ask much about that process until I was married and needed some advice on how to do them. It wasn't that they weren't open, so much as that I was never all that curious.

I think we're the same with our kids now. I'd give them the lowdown if they asked, but it hasn't really come up. We do talk about budgets and let the kids know that we are putting off purchases until we've saved the money for them. I hope they know that we don't go into debt for ANYTHING except our house and cars. But it is probably a good idea to spell that out for the older ones so that they know it.

One thought...a long time ago when I had a sister(B) in financial difficulty, I remember one of my other sisters(D) telling us that we shouldn't let sister B know how much we made lest she ask us for financial help. She'd asked our brother (who made really good money) for some help and Sister D's husband didn't want to be asked, I think not wanting to create a dependency. I respected sister D's wishes, but thought and still think that I'd rather have helped than worry about dependency or being asked too often.

Anyway, sometimes it's kept secret so that others won't think they can take advantage of you...? At least that might be some of the thinking.

[bookworm]

We don't disclose financial information because we don't want people to A. feel sorry for us or B. judge us or C. think we're pathetic. Except for one and a half shining years at Liddiard (which has sadly fizzled), DH hasn't ever made a very good living, and (especially for men) I think it's very hard to know that you make half or less than half what your relatives make. Or something like that. It's private- my family has never shared many details about our finances.

On the flip side, if DH and I made a lot of money, I wouldn't want anyone in the family feeling badly that they made a lot less than us, so I would still keep it a secret. However, I would hope that if they knew I made more than them and they needed help that they would feel they could come to me. My family is pretty good about not taking advantage. I have one sister that I would be concerned about, but even then I think she would know when enough was enough. DH's family is different, though, and I would be nervous about being taken advantage of. His two older brothers are unemployed bums who live in the elderly parents' basement and smoke pot and do nothing. Sad... but I wouldn't want to give them handouts even if we had money, because they are able-bodied and can work, they just choose not to.

Anyway, that's why I don't share details about money- it's very personal and has been rather painful most of my life to never feel like I had as much as the people around me. Balancing on the poverty line is no fun. Also, debt is embarrassing, I think, so if I had a lot I wouldn't share those details out of shame!