Anyone else feel this way?

[5ft Diva]

Today I just sat around and did nothing. I was depressed. I was very frustrated w/ myself because I really didn't want my kids seeing me this way and being the person I am I analyzed the whole ordeal. The thing that I came up w/ for being like this today (and in the past) was that if I don't do anything or if I don't touch anything then the kids will stop making messes or getting anything out that was put away. I know this was an absurd thought but when I really evaluated why I was feeling this way, this was the conclusion I came to. And....it's not working very well for me for any of you Dr. Philologists out there.

The other thing that occurred to me was that when I'm cleaning the same things over and over again and not getting anywhere new I feel my space is being invaded. I feel I have no space, place or time to call my own because I'm reliving the same events over every day of my life - like "Groundhog Day". I don't want this to sound like I dislike the mundane things of life like laundry or dishes or whatever. It's me cleaning the house and getting it to be just how I'd like it and also how BS loves it to be and to walk around the corner to see a whole closet torn through because one of the kids looked through five different boxes for one item and didn't clean up after themselves. It's conquering Mt. Washmore and then walking into one of the kids' rooms to see a whole drawer full of clothes strung all over the room. It's keeping the floor clean to walk in a few minutes later w/ kids spilling cereal all over the floor and then walking in it as if there was nothing on the floor at all and then tracking it all over the carpet as they walk out of the kitchen. As I read this, the visualization I'm getting is like a trophy that I keep having to re-glue and put back on the shelf. Not only that but when it gets broken the glue is still drying so it's not even been back up on the shelf for very long to enjoy. I don't know how to explain this any better and I don't know if this even makes sense to anyone.

I was just wondering if I'm alone in this because I feel like this could be normal and yet I feel like there is so much more I could've done and could still do and I just don't know how. I'm trying really hard not to be discouraged but I just plain don't know what to do or how to deal w/ my feelings.

I recognize there is a "lack of space". I feel like my space is constantly being invaded. I realize this house is shared among 7 people and one dog and I would like to have a space all my own and I think I'm not the only one that feels this way. I think that is why I "run away" into depression, because it's the only place I can go where no one else will follow. Does anyone else ever feel this way? And if so, what do you do to keep from feeling discouraged? And how do you honor your feelings while dealing w/ the reality of the circumstances. In this case, the reality is that I live in a small home for the number of people in it and the feelings I want to honor are that I want a space I can call my own, somewhere I can go to all by myself. Sorry so long.

[smed]

There are many times that this also happens to me! So "NO" you aren't alone. Alot of times I just want to yell at everyone for not cleaning up after themselves. I mean really, how hard is it? I try really hard not to yell, this doesn't help my kids to perform like I want them to.

I think sometimes we all have days were we "run into depression." I really liked how you said that it's the only place were we can go with out anyone following us. Like I've said before I wish we as mothers could sometimes put ourself's into "TIME OUT" It really helps me to go away for just a short time to say a quick prayer, and really think of how I can change my mood or change the how I feel towards my family. It is very true what is said about the mother holds the tone in her home.

Alot of times this is really hard to get away for a moment, even if you can get away and have a hot bath, take a walk, or just simple close your bedroom door and remind your kids and DH you need some quite time. Maybe it's even just a simple nap that will help you change your mood. I've notice for me that Changing how I feel is the key of getting me out of feeling depressed. Another "BIG KEY" for me is to get "PROACTIVE". I know this is hard but if I get going on something and get even one thing done this makes me feel a whole lot better. I also have my kids help!

BUT THEIR IS ALWAYS TOMORROW! YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MOOD AND GET PROACTIVE TOMORROW. Sometimes we just need the baby blues to get us going the next day!

[LostnFound]

5D I totally know how you are feeling. I just came home from camping for nine days. I am so overwhelmed. The night before I left I stayed up until 1:00 in the morning cleaning the house so that I could come home to a clean house. It was so nice to walk into a clean house upon arrival. Seriously that lasted four minutes. Back came reality. The house is a disaster and all I hear from all of my children is that so and so did it. They all blame each other and no one confesses the truth so instead of fighting with them all I find myself cleaning it myself. It amazes me what six children can do to a house.

Oh how I to would love just a little space even a corner in a room all to myself. One little area to keep clean all to myself. Maybe a nice reading chair and a pretty rug. A candle lit and fresh flowers. The music I like playing softly in the background. A Mom can dream can't she? In reality all the kids would find me to tell on someone or say they need something.

I am also having a day similar to yours 5D. Not to mention trying to catch up on nine days of laundry for eight people. I pray I survive!!! Just kidding. But I look forward to a more relaxing day.

[bookworm]

Yes, yes and YES!!! Last week was horrible. I hope you get feeling better soon, 5D!!!

[Chaos Unlimited]

I to know exactly how all of you feel. With eight people living in my small house in a matter of minutes it is a disater. I often feel like I am the only one that cares and ends up doing it myself and being angry the entire time. I do know that if my house isnt clean I am not a very nice mom and I hate to admit that so I end up doing alot of the deep cleaning myself my kids are really good at geting the house picked up so most days I do have help. the other thing I did when baby #6 came and we finished our basement was minimize what we have because we had no room to store stuff just because we thought we needed it. So going through your house and finding the things that you can live without helped me alot.I think Dia put like this decorate yor house like a hotel.

[5ft Diva]

I do feel much better today. I think because I wrote about how I was feeling and I was honest w/ myself. It also helps to hear that someone else relates to what I'm experiencing and how they cope with it. It's exactly what I needed to hear. I can totally relate to what you said, LnF about the kids fighting about who did what so you end up cleaning it yourself. That goes on ALL THE TIME around here. I know I could handle the stress of clutter better if I just had a place and space to call my own but since I don't I'll have to take smed's advice and claim some time to just me. W/ BS going out of town for nine days starting on Thursday, this may get tricky. (BS, now would be a great time to take the boys out for a few hours!!!) I guess this makes a perfect time to start implementing earlier bedtimes before school starts, eh?

[smed]

Hey 5D while your BS is out of town and you need some help with little ones call me I'll take them while you have a nap or something! Just let me know!

[bookworm]

Hey, yeah, me too. I can take a few boys and smed can take a couple for a few hours one day and you can nap. Except Friday, cuz that's Lagoon day!!

[Imahoot]

I can also relate. It is just a fact that kids create clutter and disorganization. It gets overwhelming sometimes and it is hard to get out of the funk! It is also daunting knowing that your hubby will be out of town for so long. Mine just got back from a 10 day trip and he is leaving again this weekend. Good luck and hang in there!

[natickgirl]

Boy, do I know how you feel!

I always marvel at those women who seem so calm & serene. I am soooooooo not, and my house is always a mess even when it's "clean" because we have too many people & too much stuff for the space we have. I tried to figure out why some women can deal with it all in such a calm way. The underlying factor seems to be that they simply have enough room for "a place for everything and everything in it's place." Wouldn't that be nice?

I am making a serious effort to get rid of extra "stuff." You know, the stuff you hang on to "just in case I need it again." Or because you paid a lot for it, even though you don't use it. I am finally realizing that it's not worth hanging on to things...they take up precious empty space, and precious space in your mind. The more stuff you have, the more you have to keep track of.

I have no space of my other, other than in the shower. Sometimes when DH comes home, I leave to "run errands" after dinner, just to have some peace and quiet...away from the home & kids. I might just go window shopping or even grocery shopping, but it is nice to do it sans enfants! I usually come home to a messy house, but I can deal with it better because I am relaxed (and the kids are in bed).

I have a long way to go in staying calm & keeping the house clean, but I thought I'd share what I'm learning. Hope that helps.

[5ft Diva]

Yes, NG, thanks for your thoughts. It is so validating to hear from someone who knows and who can relate. Good luck w/ the staying calm and keeping the house clean...and when you figure it out, let me know your secret!

[Erudite]

I am one of those people blessed with enough space so that everything has a home. And let me tell you, it doesn't keep you calm all the time, nor the house clean all the time, nor the children from coming to "tell on someone". It doesn't keep out the stress of callings and deadlines and husbands working a lot and school just around the corner so new school clothes are needed and school supplies and on and on. It doesn't stop the need to get enough sleep, eat right, and exercise. None of those things change when your space changes or even if you have a physical spot that is just for you.

I don't say all that to dis-courage anyone, but to point out that there ARE things we can all do be doing to change our situations in our own heads. We don't have to make mighty changes to our environments (though it doesn't hurt) to make changes that will bless us and our families. Sure...we can "run away into depression"...been there, done that. And 5D and Dr. Phil point out...it isn't working so well for me. I loved 5D's advice (in the Having it all together forum) to focus on the process of working toward the goal rather than the goal. Congratulate yourself for the small successes that work toward the goal. Mt. Washmore conquered?? SO COOL! Way to go! The next thing is an opportunity to teach, train, and guide and that's cool too. And are you going to teach it more than once...oh yeah...without a doubt. Does your Heavenly Father patiently do the same for you? oh yeah...without a doubt.

I'm never perfect at serenity, but I find when my own mind has practiced finding serenity that my environment doesn't bother me as much. For me, that is a quiet hour or so before the kids get up (and often after they get up because I need it so much which causes problems all its own...). I have serenity then and even if it isn't perfect once the kids do get up, I have it to call upon somewhere.

I hope this perspective helps.
Call peace to you; it is yours to have and in the rest of peace, solutions abound.

[natickgirl]

You are totally right. We all need to begin each day with a moment of serenity & prayer so our inner quietness will carry us through the day, whatever frustrations may come.

I know that having space doesn't solve all of life's problems. Sometimes it's just so hard to see past the "I'm so sick of tripping over children & their stuff" in order to get to "what is my purpose for today." I think this ties in with the thread about positive thinking, or the "Law of Attraction." A negative attitude re: house, children or spouse will carry over to them and produce negative results. But if I can start the day full of hope & gratitude for house & children & spouse, my actions & reactions will relfect that throughout the day.

Thanks for the reminder.

[Dia Minha]

Yes, Diva, you are not alone.

One thing that keeps me moving everyday is that even though I know I will have to do it all again tomorrow, I can still enjoy it today or at least right now. I need to be willing to work harder so that I can play harder. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else. It is just something I learned from my sister while on vacation this last week.

Dia

[5ft Diva]

Okay, if I'm hearing you correctly....there's no stopping the inevitable so you might as well enjoy it - or at least let the experience have a positive influence on you in the process. Is that right, Dia? I can see your vacation was good to you. Keep your fresh insight coming!

[Dia Minha]

Well kind of. I had a picture of my clean kitchen in my head. I had just spent an entire afternoon putting into order. Then we made fresh bread and fruit smoothies and messed it all up. It would have been really easy to just say, oh the kitchen is all nice and clean lets order out. Yet, then I would have missed out on watching the kids watch the bread rise, and the fresh smell of it baking. We would have missed out on the nutritient of the vitamin smoothie. The work I put into getting the kitchen cleaned up, made making the bread more enjoyable. So instead of letting the kitchen just be clean, I enjoyed using my clean kitchen. Is this making any sense?

It's just like cleaning up the living room and then having the kids haul all their blocks, legos, and cars out there to play, because its funner to play in a clean room than a messy one. I can enjoy them, enjoying the clean room or I can keep it clean, by not allowing them to do so. Of course there does need to be some responsibility on their part in cleaning up their toys. However, if I have had it cleaned and well-organized recently it is easier for them to pick it up when they are done with it.

Dia

[Dia Minha]

Oh and I meant to comment on the need for a space all my own. I feel like this a lot. I try to make my bedroom and bathroom my space. Yes, of course I need to sure it with my hubby, yet there is no reason for my children to be in it. I hope to someday be able to decorate and furnish it in such a way that it will be like a little vacation every time I am there.

Right now I am still trying to convince my children of it. I'm taking little baby steps to teach them and me what needs to happen between now and the time I decorate it to make sure it stays my sanctuary. I want it to be my place of personal solitude. A place where I can learn, love, and grow.

Dia

[5ft Diva]

Good thoughts, I could use them!!!!