Down Days

[5ft Diva]

Who has those days where you're not quite depressed, but just a little down and know if you don't get feeling "up" it'll turn into depression? I do, in fact, I'm having one today. I'm stressed out about all the things I can't control and I am trying to let go of the control, but the more I try to let go the tighter I hang on. I'm my own worst enemy. I'm not quite sure what I'm afraid of. Anyway, I was just wondering what you guys do to plow through these kinds of days. Faith and positive thinking have helped, but they can only do so much...if you know what I mean.

[natickgirl]

I totally know what you mean. Some days are just "down days." They tend to come for me when I'm tired/worn out and therefore can't cope with things as well as I normally could. (It's amazing how much diet & exercise effect our emotional well-being.) Often the best I can do is remember that it is temporary...I'll have a different perspective in the morning.

Sometimes I just need a little friendship (not necessarily someone to solve my problems) so I'll pick up the phone & call a friend or my sister just to chat for a few minutes.

I know you were probably looking for something deeper, but I hope that helps.

Have a happier tomorrow!

[5ft Diva]

Oh, no! Don't feel that way. Thank you for your perspective. I really appreciated it.

I'd agree that I'm more susceptible to feeling down when I'm tired and worn out and if I let my mind wander too much. Tonight's FHE lesson was on not complaining and I realized that that is my number one trigger to feeling down. I need to be real about what is going on in my life w/o complaining about it - if you know what I mean. Just positive. And I don't mean like the 'I'm soaring!' kind of positive, I just mean the kind where I remind myself that I can do this and to take it one day at a time just like everyone else - and that it's normal to take it one day at a time, or one moment at a time in some cases.

Friendship is something I could really use and yet, I feel very hesitant to share my thoughts/feelings w/ anyone because of how heavy and burdensome it feels to me. I just can't, in good conscience, put that on someone else's shoulders. (Does this sound a bit like martyrdom? It's not meant to.) I feel like in needing a friend in this way I'm not being a very good friend. I know a lot of it is that I just need to be heard - or rather, that I need to hear what's in my head, a natural need of mine - and I just don't dare put everything that's in my head on someone else's plate. It's a lot to take in. In fact, I ran into a friend at the store today and could barely speak to her for fear of not being able to control myself. She asked me the question, "How are you?" and I knew she meant it and I could barely bring myself to answer her for fear of what might come out. I hope that one of these days I'll be able to deal w/ all of this w/o feeling like I have to share w/ everyone else what I'm thinking/feeling. I hope that makes sense. BS even pointed out to me the other day that I talk a lot because I just have to get things out. I was thinking, I don't talk a lot, but I knew he was right and I hated that he was right. See....here I'm doing it again. Shutting up.

Thanks again for your perspective and understanding. I really do appreciate it. I have come up w/ some strategies of how to overcome this and if I'll follow them I'll be better for it. Just gotta take it one day at a time!

[bookworm]

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

I'm stressed out about all the things I can't control and I am trying to let go of the control, but the more I try to let go the tighter I hang on. I'm my own worst enemy. I'm not quite sure what I'm afraid of.

I think this is a very telling statement- you are trying to let go- does letting go require effort? That doesn't make sense- you are using effort to release something. If you can identify the fear, and spell out a worst-case scenario for yourself, maybe you'll see it isn't so scary and you CAN let go. It sounds like you are resisting letting go of something, if you can soften that resistance, it may be easier to see the benefits of letting it go.

I do know from personal experience that if you are doing too many things in these last few months of pregnancy, you are bound to start freaking out- not just hormonally, emotionally, but physically, too. I know you have a lot going on right now- are there a few things that can be put on the back burner or delegated to someone else (like DH, for example) or just let slide?

Personally, when I have down days, I've learned for myself that sometimes all you can do is ride it out- I usually don't have entire days of down-ness, though. Especially since learning all the coping skills I've learned in the last few years- a down day is the test to see if I can turn it around using what I've learned.

There are many ways I can lift myself out if I'm feeling down, and I try to remember them when the time arrives to use them, such as putting on music I love (particularly if it gets me singing- you can't be sad and sing very well), reading a novel that will pull me out of my current worries for a while- distraction works on us just like our kids- going for a walk to "blow off steam", and probably the best thing is lots of deep breaths and repeating something positive in my head and out loud.

For example, DH's last few paychecks have not been where they ought to be, but when the old familiar clenching in my chest and dread started to settle through my body and mind, I allowed myself to feel it for a few minutes, cry a tear of frustration, but then I started repeating my mantras that I've learned- "money comes easily and frequently" and "I have more money than I will ever need". It really did help, although it took a while.

You've been reading self-help books for years, I'm sure you have the answers to how to pull yourself out inside you already, but these are the things I've learned. I hope you get feeling better soon!!

[5ft Diva]

I appreciate your post, BW, because I was able to determine what wasn't bothering me. Like you, I thought it might be that I have too much going on and that I'm about to pop, but when you posted all of this information it didn't click w/ me - not even a spark - and so I started trying to figure out what else it could be. After much deliberation (and mostly prayer and mediation) I believe I have the answer.

There are some members in my family who have their own stresses (as we all do). Instead of dealing w/ it in a "healthy" way they have chosen to handle it badly because they are blaming me for everything wrong in their life or what I have found w/ the younger ones - they simply don't have the tools to deal w/ it at all and so I became a punching bag, er, outlet for many of their frustrations.

Since I know this isn't going away any time soon and that I can't change people's circumstances, I decided to put on my super duper strong armor (and prayed that Heavenly Father would cover up the spots I over looked) and I'm glad to report that things are definitely going much better and feel like they're back to normal - at least for me. The things I can't control are the "arrows" being shot at me, and who's shooting them and why - what I can control is if I am penetrated by them. It didn't even occur to me that this was happening. I really do feel much better.

As far as the 'hanging on tighter because I was trying to let go' thing - I think I simply was trying to let go of the wrong thing. You're right, it shouldn't take effort to 'let go' and once I realized that this is what need to be let go of, it just dropped off on it's own. It's like one minute it was there and as soon as I recognized it for what it was, it was gone. It was actually pretty cool.

[bookworm]

Good to hear. My dad wrote in his column last week about the mean things people say to him in emails and comments on the newspaper's website- it was kind of amusing, and it made me realize what a thick skin he's developed in the 30 years he's been writing for them. I would just flip if someone said the horrible things they've said to him, to me! He's even had death threats! People are so strange sometimes.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear you've found some armor. We all need armor on, don't we?