Pondering Procrastination

**5ft Diva** · #1 10-02-2007, 12:28 PM

I started to ponder on my reasons for procrastinating and what I came up with surprised me. I realized that procrastination is nothing more than a "red flag" that I'm unable to keep commitments that I've made to either myself or to others. There wouldn't be anything to procrastinate if I hadn't committed to it in the first place - meaning, things that are not procrastinated would just be added to my "perhaps, one day" list but not necessarily something that needed to be done now - no pressure. I have to admit that I am embarrassed at how many commitments I've made and not kept. Although this was hard to admit to myself, I'm sure glad I have a "point of origin" for self improvement. I'm sure that there are many of you who are able to keep and follow through w/ commitments that you've made to yourself and to others. Do you have any insight you'd like to inspire me w/ or any successful stories? Sometimes I think that commitment sounds so huge and "ball-n-chain-ish" and yet I'm finding that it's quite simple really. I just need to wrap my head around it.

SMILEY · #2 10-02-2007, 04:08 PM

Thats so funny you put this on here.My other half
says Im the queen of procrastionation i really try
hard not to but sometimes i dont want to do anything.

Erudite · #3 10-03-2007, 09:22 AM

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying...you wouldn't procrastinate if you didn't have anything to do? Isn't that the same as "you always find it in the last place you look" in that of course you wouldn't procrastinate if you hadn't made a commitment. Did I misunderstand? I guess I'm not sure of what you've discovered.

I'm one of those people who is grateful for "the last minute". You know..."nothing would ever get done if it weren't for the last minute." I generally manage to guess at about the right amount of time that will be needed to complete whatever has to be done and then I firmly believe that most things aren't worth any more time than "the last minute". There are things that have high priority that I do a good job on and make efforts at, but I prioritize pretty carefully to accomplish those and everything else finds the last minute. I just hate it when more than one thing needs the SAME last minute, so I do get bogged down then, but I frankly don't have a problem procrastinating stuff that doesn't need anything more than the last minute. I don't think you should either, but like I said, I'm not sure I understand what it is you've discovered, so my response here is likely not exactly useful to you.

But I tried.

Dia Minha · #4 10-03-2007, 09:30 AM

Diva, after reading your post I came across a situation similiar to what you were talking about. I was asked to participate in an activity. I tried to tell the asker that I really did not want to contribute in anyway, it just wasn't a good time. Essentially she wouldn't take no for answer. I thought about her request for a week or so and couldn't come up with a way to fulfill it. It wasn't that I didn't have the time, I thought about it a lot. I just wasn't ready to present what she had asked me to do, because I simply could not come up with a way to do it. I wanted to call her again and tell her what was going on, but I had a feeling that she would just try and convince me to do it anyway, even though I didn't feel ready, so I procastinated the phone call.

I don't know if that gives you any insight on a solution. I just thought it went with what you stated earlier about committing and not following through.

I too have a problem with procastination. I tend to put off those things that I do not like doing; like phone calls and certain household jobs. I have realized that usually what happens is there is always something else that needs to be done first and by the time I get around to do other things, I have either ran out of time or I do not have the mental or physical endurance to accomplish the task.

For example; I have needed to mow the lawn for over a week. I can not go out and mow the lawn until the baby is asleep, because concern for her safety. Day after day, she goes down for a nap and I think, I'll just do this and this really quick and then I'll go mow the lawn. Usually I'll get going and get sidetracked and it won't be until I hear the baby stir that I rememer I was going to mow the lawn.

Along those same lines is shampooing the carpet. I like to shampoo the carpets at night after all the kids go to bed so that it has longer to dry before we are up walking around on them again. However, by the time I get the kids into bed I am exausted and just can't convince myself mentally to do it physically.

I realize that when one or the others of these becomes a priority, as in it has to be done now or it is going to snow again and the grass will be too long and not survive the winter well, or if I have to watch my children play on that dirty carpet one more day I'm going to be sick, I'll get it done. Again I don't know if that helps you, but maybe someone else can pinpoint something with what we have both stated.

Dia

**5ft Diva** · #5 10-03-2007, 11:22 AM

This took some time but I think this might be a little more clear as to what I'm talking about.

Okay, Dia, I'm going to use your example of shampooing the carpet because it's a good one and I'm in the same boat. In this case it's a commitment made to myself...usually the hardest to keep because no one else knows I've made it so it's easy to cut corners here and there and eventually rationalize my way out of it all together. (It kills me that I do that.) For eight years we've lived in this house and I've never had my carpets shampooed. I do a little spot cleaning here and there but it's not the same. I started out thinking it would be nice to have it done but as the years have gone by I would start to promise myself that, "this year I'll get it done", or "after school starts I'm definitely going to do it" because it became something very important to me. But year after year goes by and these little promises I've made to myself don't happen and then I start to lose confidence in my ability to accomplish what I said I would do. If it were just on my "perhaps, one day" list I wouldn't be procrastinating it, I would simply be considering it for the future but like I said before, the problem lies in making the commitment and not following through w/ it because I've procrastinated or maybe it's therefore, I procrastinated, maybe both.

I know this sounds a little dramatic because it's just the carpet but it's not just the carpet. It's wanting to offer my services in the classroom and then not signing up at all, it's the bread that doesn't get baked, it's deciding the windows will be cleaned this Saturday that don't get touched for another six months, it's the vacation that never gets taken. Before I know it, it's a lot of little commitments that have not been honored....all because I procrastinated. It's like I was promising everyone everything (in my own mind) and what's worse is, the more promises I broke the more I made because I wanted to prove to myself that I could follow through w/ SOMEthing. I can see that I had started on that road of allowing this bad habit to start spilling into my relationship w/ others and I didn't like how the potential consequences were playing out in my head. Anyway, just a new thought for me about the role that procrastination plays in my life. Procrastination is my nemesis. It doesn't honor who I really am. I suppose the underlying problem is that procrastination is what gets in the way of my "greatness".

I think part of the solution lies in evaluating the item I want to commit to before committing to it - if that makes any sense. I've started to do this and in return have stopped feeling guilty about what's on my wish list. It's the stuff that didn't have to be done in the first place, therefore, procrastinating it isn't possible. I really don't know if that makes sense and if not, oh well. It does to me. Sorry if any of you are confused. At least it's been good for me to talk it out.

Erudite · #6 10-03-2007, 12:37 PM

Fascinating thread. You make me evaluate things that are keeping me from greatness too. And honoring who I am...very interesting. I said that my 11 yo ds yesterday in reference to the way he treats his school and home work...he isn't honoring who he is by not doing a great job on it.

My early thought on your post, 5D, is have you tried deadlines? The last minute isn't possible unless there's a deadline. But that thought doesn't make sense for the type of procrastination you're talking about, since the deadlines would be internal and so is the commitment and thus they're both easily put off. My next thought, was how about a reward...beyond clean carpets? But that too doesn't make sense by the end of the post.

oops gotta go. I'm not done thinking yet, so I'll be back to post more.

**5ft Diva** · #7 10-03-2007, 03:58 PM

No, deadlines work - in the sense of goals. And I love the idea of a reward.

Mamallama · #8 10-04-2007, 09:07 AM

Don’t be hard on yourselves. At this stage of your life, you are juggling SO MANY unpredictable variables in your lives.

For example: You set the goal to shampoo the carpet tomorrow. If all went smooth with the family….everyone being healthy, happy and well…..perhaps when tomorrow came, you WOULD be up to shampooing. However, when you set the goal to shampoo, you didn’t factor in that child 5 would wake you up three times in the night, child 2 has a fever, child 1 is tormenting child 3 this morning, which causes child 4 to knock his cereal bowl off the table…not once, but twice. Oh and don’t forget that you are frantically helping your ds throw a school project together that he forgot to tell you about until this morning.

By the time your “deadline” to shampoo has arrived, you are now so exhausted from juggling all of the unpredictable variables of life, you FORGET that you were even going to shampoo in the first place…and when you do remember, you realize you are way too tired to shampoo and put it off for another day.

I don’t call this procrastinating. I call it: "LIFE HAPPENED today!" The past few years my motto has been to:
1. SIMPLIFY my life and my goals…..not set too many goals.
2. BE FLEXIBLE with my goals
3. SET REALISTIC GOALS for myself….admit what I truly can and cannot do right now in my life.
4. PLAN AHEAD with babysteps to achieve those goals and be willing to ask for help to achieve goals.
For example: if I REALLY want to get the carpet shampooed, maybe I can trade babysitting with someone, so I can have peace of mind that the kids are happy and safe while I am busy shampooing….and then I can watch my friend’s kids on another day when they go get something done.

Similar to what you're describing 5D, some things have to be put on the 'perhaps some day' list. And guess what I'm discovering?! Someday, does come,

for many of those things. As my kids are getting older, a lot of the Somedays ARE now arriving.

It's awesome!! So hang in there

Most importantly, don’t beat yourselves up over what you’re not getting done.
You are DOING a tremendous amount of work each day simply taking care of your little ones. You are NOT sitting on the couch the entire day watching soap operas and eating Bon-Bons and neglecting your kids.
I KNOW you are not doing this.
You are awesome Mamas working your tails off trying to be the best that you can be,
We just have to do the best we can each day when Life Happens, and carry on.
AND REMEMBER, YOU ARE GREAT!

Erudite · #9 10-04-2007, 09:47 AM

Yeah...that's just what I was gonna say. LoL..no, this is MUCH better! Thanks ML!

For me, what ML says works into my "last minute" philosophy. I do the important stuff first (which includes cleaning up spilled cereal for that is a committment to my family that needs to be met) and then if the other stuff can get done, even in the last minute, then cool. If it doesn't...it's not like I wasn't doing important stuff that kept me from doing the less important. I don't worry about it, because I AM doing important things.

Pat yourself on the back for having accomplished the important...holding kids and at least vacuuming now and then!

We need to add Pres. Kimball's quote on the nobility of women found in October's VT message.

Quote:

“To be a righteous woman during the winding up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman’s strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times. She has been placed here to help to enrich, to protect, and to guard the home—which is society’s basic and most noble institution. Other institutions in society may falter and even fail, but the righteous woman can help to save the home, which may be the last and only sanctuary some mortals know in the midst of storm and strife” (“Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters,” Ensign, Nov. 1978, 103).

I loved that part about "protecting and guarding" the home...but catch also that in protecting and guarding is how we prepare for the Second Coming. There is nothing we do that is so important. Keep on keeping on and we all will find time for the carpets too.

**5ft Diva** · #10 10-04-2007, 10:21 AM

I totally agree with you ML and I believe I have started to go easier on myself - thanks to you. However, if I really want to take accountability for my actions what I am talking about here are the things that I really am putting off and I would really like to not do that anymore...it's those kinds of things that bother me, not what I can't do because of unforeseen circumstances.

And hey, thanks for the reminder! I never get tired of hearing someone tell me how valuable I am as a wife and mother. That's not always necessarily at the forefront of my mind.

runamyrun · #11 10-04-2007, 07:56 PM

Mamallama, I love how positive you are! It is so nice to read your posts and realize that you have been there and done that! Thanks for your wise words, and for helping us keep things in perspective!

Erudite · #12 10-05-2007, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

However, if I really want to take accountability for my actions what I am talking about here are the things that I really am putting off and I would really like to not do that anymore...it's those kinds of things that bother me, not what I can't do because of unforeseen circumstances.

So...we still haven't helped with this concern, have we? How about this? Pick one SMALL thing that you've been putting off and start your day by doing it. Not clipped those toenails recently?? Start there!

Not dusted the stair banister lately? That's a quick place to start. Choose stuff that only takes a minute for the first week. Then move on to the two minute stuff and then the five minute stuff. Accomplish something SMALL that you've been putting off every day for the next three weeks. Then...knock on wood...you'll feel so good at getting stuff done (and won't those toenails be beautiful!!) that you'll want to go to the bigger stuff!!

It's that whole "hotspot" philosophy of the flylady's. Clean a little bit on it everyday and then eventually, it's not a hotspot anymore. I think maybe you're feeling like procrastination is a growing hotspot. Work on it everyday for just a few minutes and you'll stop feeling like that.

And don't forget the scriptures...D&C 64:33 - Ye are laying the foundation of a great work. ... And out of small things proceedeth that which is great. (which I pulled out of the VT message too).

And we want a report! What small thing did you do today that you've been putting off?

This morning, I finished editing the 53 page Policy manual for our school. That's been on my to-do list for like 3 weeks! Woo hoo! Feelin' good!!

**5ft Diva** · #13 10-05-2007, 01:08 PM

No, I didn't say you guys haven't helped. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I was just explaining that I'm not beating myself up, but that my concerns are legit.

You know, after giving this subject some thought, I've found that I don't necessarily cut corners, at least it's not my intent, I just think I'm doing things faster by putting them off til I have time to do them. So now when I've found myself falling into the pattern of trying to put something off, it's a natural thing for me to just stop and go, "Okay, how much time is this going to take if I do it later instead of now and how much is that time worth to me?" It's worked quite well. I don't know if I would've ever gotten to a place where I could do that w/o this discussion board. I really feel like I'm starting to see things from the outside now rather than being stuck in the middle of the stuff I never get done. This perspective is much more clear....and preferred. This post is a bit scattered because I'm having a hard time explaining myself w/o being able to tell someone what I mean. Hope it makes sense.