Putting 1st things 1st

**5ft Diva** · #1 01-24-2007, 07:46 PM

I'm not sure if this fits here but I'm posting it here. I'm in the middle of studying the 7 Habits again. The one that I'm really struggling with is putting 1st things 1st. I keep putting 1st things 2nd, 3rd, or 4th. How do I make that mind shift that it's okay to let the urgent and yet so unimportant things take a back seat? I just can't let them drop. I guess it's a matter of making the important things more of a priority. What do you think? Any advice or insight? What works for you?

Imahoot · #2 01-24-2007, 09:29 PM

This is a tough one for me too. I finally feel as if I have it lately but then on some days it all slides through my fingers again. I am a visual person so writing down my priorities has been a huge help. This will always be a struggle for me I believe but to stay focused I take all my tasks that I feel need to get done and then break them down into groups of what if the most important. Then I write up my calendar for the week. I put certain tasks on certain days that I have to get done. Then I also schedule some down time and I feel less overwhelmed. I don't know if this will work for you but it works for me when I do it. Usually it is two out of four weeks or when my family is just running the smoothest. With Jacob life in unpredictable so I have to go with the flow and I cannot be rigid. So sometimes I have it together and other times I do not.

On my list it is always family first. What does it take to keep my house running smoothly so that everyone is less stressed? What tasks have to be done that cannot wait? (groceries, kids school stuff, prescriptions, etc.) Then once I have down my set days for that I try and fit in some alone time with wach of my kids. Usually my other kids are here but I tell them that I am doinf so and so task with ____ they need to go somewhere and play quietly. Then I schedule some down time for me and try to stick with it that I do it.

Is this what you were looking for?

What kinds of things are you struggling with? Maybe everyone here can come up with some ideas for you. I know I am always open for suggestions too.

**5ft Diva** · #3 01-24-2007, 10:22 PM

Dang Gina - you've got game!

Tina, your advice is great! I usually only make my to-do lists a day ahead and so I never quite see the end of the tunnel so I can see the benefit of making my to-do list a week at a time. What a fabulous idea! Isn't it funny how we think things should go a certain way and so we don't open ourselves to anything else? Thanks for broadening my horizon.

If you can't tell by my falling all over myself to tell you thank you for that wonderful idea it's my house that's really driving me crazy right now. The condition of how my house looks/smells is contingent on whether or not my kids do their chores. My kids need routines that work. This need is a little off the beaten path of putting 1st things 1st but it's screaming for my attention so I need to get it taken care of in order to put the 1st things 1st. I think I'm struggling with how to be a happy mom (putting my family first). I'm putting my house before my kids but I'm so frustrated I'm not sure how to let the house go. So there you have it. I think I may have confused some of you but I hope you can make sense of what I'm trying to say.

Any takers on this one?

Imahoot · #4 01-25-2007, 07:11 AM

D5- If you ever get it mastered let me know how you did it.

I think you have to try and have realistic expectations for yourself. Sometimes there are too many things to do and it seems like everything I do is not great (I am not completely happy with it). Lately I have had to revamp what I was doing because I felt the same way as you.

My goals have been to have the bathrooms clean and the downstairs always picked up. I have not reached it compeltely but it is a work in progress. As far as the kids helping...my kids have always had chores. The approached I take are probably a little different than most because of Jacob being autistic. He is great doing the same tasks and chores. Becca and JJ want it to be fun. Becca is three so it is a little hard but she certainly can put the shoes on the shoe rack by the door. That is her set task. I have also recently made up little colorful tags and put them in a jar. I have one for the little kids and one for JJ. They get to pick three things to do. I made the tasks simple for the little ones such as putting all the couch cushions in order. Picking up all the dolls in the living room and putting them away. It may not be the whole room but it is setting them up for later on in life as well as giving them some control over what they are doing.

I sit down with JJ (13) often and setup goals for his life just like I do with mine. I would love to do it weekly but it never happens that often. We talk about what he needs to get done this week. What he needs me for, his chores, hos activited etc. I am trying to train him to put his priorities straight and how to get things done. With the boys....making things a race would be fun. Maybe give out stickers for the fastest or most clever way of doing the chore, etc. Stickers for the younger ones just for accomplishing them. Challenges are very fun for little boys. Do you have a reward system in your house? Jacbo is my real reward kid. I have to get very creative to motivate him. I havent completely implemented something yet but I am thinking about giving out raffle tickets (could be some special hole punch thing you made etc.) or something and then once they earn set amount of tickets they get to visit the treasure chest. I know they sell mini treasure chests online at [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

Also, having a bigger picture helped me with understanding what I needed to get done. I used to be daily too and sometimes if I am behind and haven't planned for the week then I am on daily tasks and not weekly. I just find myself more stressed out. You have to do what works for you. This is just what has helped me. Monthly would probably give me a heart attack so I do not even go there yet.

Oh and if you ever get it all figured out...let me know. I swear this stuff shifts daily with what works and what doesn't. I swear I have so many ideas but it doesn't mean they will always work for everyone or even for more than a week here.

**5ft Diva** · #5 01-25-2007, 01:09 PM

You have no idea how much I need you in my life right now! I was actually just telling hubby that I wanted to do the whole raffle ticket thing but that's as far as that idea got. We couldn't figure out what to do w/ them once they got them, how many they should earn to get something and what-not. Oh, you're awesome! Could you explain your point system in a little more detail?

Sitting down and making goals is something I do for myself and I've wanted to do that w/ my kids. Can you tell me a little more about that? Our oldest could really benefit from that. He gets overwhelmed easily.

You're right about things changing from day to day and week to week. Thanks for reminding me of that! I think it's funny that I expect my kids to be flexible but it's not even in the cards for me. Okay, now I just need to adjust my course and keep moving.

Imahoot · #6 01-25-2007, 06:00 PM

I am glad that I could help.

The raffle ticket thing or a set number of stickers to reach an end goal or award is what really works. I plan to give out tickets when they show acts of kindness towards a sibling or a friend, they don't whine, (really going thorough a whining phase and it is driving me a little bonkers)do their homework or chores. At first making the tickets easy to get is fine. It gives them incentive and then slowly make it harder to work for. If htey are being naughty in the store remind them that they are working for tickets. A key thing that I think helps is to just reward for good behavior as you see it. You could be carrying laundry though the house and notice that two kids are playing nicely. Reward them immediately and unexpectedly so that they are always trying to be good and earn them. I plan on giving them a trip to the treasure chest. (pencils, stickers, little special things from Oriental Trading Company. They have things cheap and fun.

Goal setting- I have been doing this with JJ for years. I started in first or second grade I believe. I just ask him what he wants to accomplish in the new school year and we come up with a list. Then we talk about how to achieve those goals. I let him come up with ideas and then try to offer some thigns if he hasn't hit on the key principal. Every year with him one keeps coming up and that is organization. He tried every year and he still struggles with it. It is something that we have discussed that nobody is perfect but you have the opportunity to change and try try again. I have him take his goals to his room and periodically look at them through out the year. I also sit down with him weekly ( I try for every week) and discuss on what days he wants to work out at the gym and what days I can take him. Chores for the week and I give him some choices so that he can choose and feel in charge. There are some standard ones that he has to do but he picks the others.

Hopefully this helps. I cannot wait to start doing some of this with Jacob. He is too little and just doesn't get it yet but maybe next year.

**5ft Diva** · #7 01-25-2007, 07:06 PM

Thanks for taking the time to explain.....especially when I know your time is precious! These are great ideas, I can't wait to implement them.

***Big_Sissy*** · #8 01-26-2007, 02:13 AM

WOW! This thread is priceless!

Those are great ideas. I believe it is far to easy to get stuck in a negative attitude towards our children and tasks/goals that we want them to achieve. Being positive is SOOO much better, and far more productive. I tend to always get to be the "enforcer" which means I'm almost always negative, which I'll be honest, I'm good at :

but would much rather NOT be.

Anyway, I've got some ideas as well. Nothing that would interfere with what the boss wants to do, but just something to help motivate when the normal plans aren't working too well. We'll call it plan "B"

Thanks Ima, and 5ftD, you are both an inspiration to this Big Sissy ;D

runamyrun · #9 01-27-2007, 11:45 PM

I love the idea of the treasure chest. My kids have been fighting a lot lately, and it is driving me crazy! I decided that I would buy Skittles, and every time I saw them doing something nice for each other, I would give them a Skittle. That way they would want to be nice a lot, but they wouldn't get too much of a sugar buzz. Well, that didn't last too long, because my husband and I ate all of the Skittles! I'll have to use the raffle tickets and give out prizes instead! Thank you very much!

Imahoot · #10 01-28-2007, 09:29 PM

Glad that everyone liked the idea. I am sure there are other ones out there but this is what we are workign on doing in our house. Right now we have another system that is not workign well with Jacob because it is not as consistent for him. With autism...consistency is a good thing.

Let us know how it works out for you guys. I am sure it will be hard to do after the first day but I bet it will make a huge difference. I see a huge difference in my kids if they have goals.