Rewards that really punish

[Erudite]

So, do you find yourself at the end of a long day / week/ month / period of time where many positive things have been accomplished and you think "I DESERVE a reward!!" and then you choose something that really punishes you? For example: choosing the hot fudge sundae because you've been so good on your diet. Or taking a couple of days off work because you FINALLY got caught up, which only puts you behind again. Or choosing to veg in front of a movie because life is so stressful, which only delays the stress. And so on? Am I the only one who does that?

I've had these kinds of thoughts running around in my head for a couple of weeks along with thoughts about how to maintain at a new higher level of spirituality or healthy eating or increased exercise or whatever. The reward I seem to pick (and yes, I know there are MANY better ones) seems to undo my efforts and drops me back down to my former level. I'm successful at things in spurts? You know?

I don't know what I'm asking here, because I do know how to not do this to myself, but somehow, I never quite do. Is this just me? Who's got good thoughts on all this?

[runamyrun]

I'm not going to be any help, but my way of thinking is slightly different. Right now we are in the middle of moving (we sold our house by the way!) and so things are crazy. I know I should spend as much time as possible packing and cleaning, but taking time to watch a movie or getting online for a bit is what is helping me stay motivated to continue. I think it really depends on what is happening. I think that if you can reward yourself with hot fudge or whatever, sometimes it can help you keep going. If I don't do things like that, then I rebel and end up pigging out more than I would have if I had allowed myself a treat here and there. Now, if giving yourself a treat gives you a major setback and you are almost starting all over again, it might be better to not indulge. It is good to know yourself and your limits.

[Erudite]

You make some great points, RAR. If I would carefully use rewards in moderation and as restful points in my life before getting back in the game, I think I would feel a lot better about them, but for me they feel like they take over. And having something to look forward to is always a nice motivator. I need to think more that way than "I DESERVE..." you know?

Good luck on the moving!! That feels like it sold very fast, but then it seems like you just barely posted the question about what to do to prepare to move.

[5ft Diva]

I know what you mean. Kind of like staying up late at night to watch a movie when you're tired from working hard all day. It's a good question. I personally believe that the spirit tries to communicate that what we're about to "reward" ourselves with is not effective. When that happens, and I'm receptive to that prompting, I find myself asking what need I'm trying to meet and then decide if I really want a reward or not.

As of late, I've had fun trips and outings to look forward to that feel like a reward in and of themselves. The desire and motivation to stay on "track" for whatever I'm doing is easier knowing that something fun is on it's way, therefore, no need for a reward.

I don't know if this makes sense or helps. Good luck!

[Erudite]

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

When that happens, and I'm receptive to that prompting, I find myself asking what need I'm trying to meet and then decide if I really want a reward or not.

I LOVE that you can think like this!! I'm trying to be better about questioning my motives. One question that I wrote down to ask myself in the whole "reward" area is this: "what are you looking for in what you choose to do?" The premise behind the question is that we ARE looking for something positive in our choices, but is the thing we choose the BEST way to give us the positive?

For example, if you choose the movie (which I do WAY too much) are you looking for the vegging or are you looking for stimulation or just to have your brain on something completely frivolous? or do you associate movie viewing with resting and thus sleep would be the wisest choice? It was in fact movie viewing that I was thinking about as I considered the above question and I found that for me, movie viewing is escape from whatever stress is happening in my life at the time. And once I began to see it like that, I found I can go...well, quit it. Take care of the stress and then the movie is a peaceful reward instead of a guilty pleasure. It's helped my thinking over the past two weeks with movie viewing anyway.

[5ft Diva]

Oooh, guilty pleasure. Well said! The oxymoron of the day; possibly even of the week. This one's gonna stick w/ me.

[Erudite]

I was talking about something near this topic with my sister and she was telling me that good advice she was given was to find something we could/would do every day that "fills our bucket" (well, actually she said "braids your rope" because the metaphor I was using was "I'm at the end of my rope!!") Her advice to me was to find that "reward" and make myself do it for just a few minutes every day even when I don't feel like I have time or energy or opportunity.

But then we both could cite examples of doing the reward item to extravagance. Her example was good books...that fills her soul. But one weekend she spent 3 days in bed reading 5 books. By the end, she felt just icky and her soul was not filled. As RAR pointed out above, doing the reward to excess, meant not so much that we just were oversated, but that we were seriously idle. And it is in the idleness that the real problem comes. God doesn't have a problem with rewards, especially when those rewards fill our souls. What is a problem is the idleness, the fact that something more productive can be done. 5D made that point that if we pay attention, the spirit will direct us to a reward that truly rewards and help us move forward in other things when the reward has served its purpose.

I thought my sister's thoughts pulled it all together and added to it.

What are your thoughts?