Someone tell me how to say good-bye to the lie

[5ft Diva]

If there's anything I've learned lately, it's when I ask my kids to do something I can meet them half way by turning it into a game or something positive like that, but oh no, I can't do it. I cannot convince my head that that is okay. In the back of my mind I hear a nagging voice that says, "You don't need to play a game, you should do it because I asked you!" Now, I know that is a down-right ugly lie but I can't seem to get it out of my head - it's a very loud voice. I cannot get my heart to convince my head that it is okay for the kids to have a little bit of fun while learning life skills. Can someone give me some advice on how to lay this voice to rest?

I truly believe in my heart that there is a better way of teaching my kids to become responsible adults than to just say, "Because I told you" and walk away leaving them wondering if the rest of their life is going to be as "fun" as I've been demonstrating it for their entire lifetime - you think I'm exaggerating. Just ask Big Sissy, I'm a little bit of a scrooge when it comes to this. I've got to get a handle on this. It's not fair to let my kids think that life can't be fun, positive, and enjoyable while they're experiencing it. It's not just my kids either, I think it carries over into every aspect of my life. HHHHHHEEEEELLLLLPPPPPP!

[Imahoot]

I think this is a struggle for many of us. I know that I have to rearrange my ideas and try to make it fun too. Isn't it a balance of the two that will teach our kids what is right? I don't think everything should be fun and games so that they learn that they have to do things even if they are unpleasant. However, maye make chores fun or something else but homework is serious??? Just and idea. I try to make things fun but sometimes it just isn't fun.

When JJ and I were talking one day about chores and coming up with his chore list. I didn't know this but he was bored doing the same chores over and over. I had no clue! So to make it fun we wrote down all the chores that I needed done and he got to choose for the week which ones he wanted to do. I then added in one or two days of dishes or taking out the trash. (stuff he hates) It has to be fun but it also has to work for the whole family. KWIM?

Maybe start with one thing and see how it goes. Changes are not easy to make.

[5ft Diva]

I appreciate your ideas but what I'm still interested in is shutting the voice out of my head completely that works against what I know to be the best for my kids. Somewhere in my lifetime I had put on my belief window that life is a dictatorship - no thinking involved. That is a lie and I want to know what should be there instead and how it should get there (for this particular thing).

Hmmmm, I think I just connected some dots here. Okay, I'm onto something, I believe I'm ready for a big change - and it's screaming at me. I'm ready to say goodbye to the person I am now and become the person that God knows I can be. One day I won't even recognize the person I am today because of the changes that will have taken place within me....with a lot of divine help.

I hope this isn't too personal. It's just something I'm trying to wrap my head around. Thanks all for being my sounding board - you've been a big help! This started out as a mind over matter issue but clearly it should've ended up in the faith and spirituality board - sorry.

[LostnFound]

This is a work in progress for me also. I come from a long line of drill sergeants when it comes to chores around the house. I know my Dad meant well, it was just what he had been taught. So he passed it on to me. I used to bark orders and expect results immediately as if my children were in boot camp.

My common answers to my childrens inquiries were "because I said so" or "because you have a roof over your head." But thankfully with time I am learning life is so much more about the results than how you get to the results. Note: Sometimes "because I said so" still needs to be said by me just not throughout the entire day.

I thought I would not be respected or taken seriously by my children if heaven forbid tasks were sometimes fun. But what I am slowly learning with my children is they respect me more and we have such a better relationship when I am not barking orders but working together to get jobs done.

[5ft Diva]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I can't see you barking orders ever in your lifetime but anything is possible, right?

I'll have to remember that - life is about the results and not so much about how we get them - at least in parenting. Because there is truth to life being about the journey and the destination ends up being a bonus.

I feel the same way, that I may not be taken seriously. But I didn't want to be taken this seriously.

Thanks everyone for responding to my concern. The suggestions and experiences are so helpful. There's nothing better than a network of women! Ima, I think that slipping in a few chores that kids hate along w/ allowing them to do stuff they like is an ingenious idea!

Ummm.....so what does KWIM mean? ???