Wallowing in depression

[Erudite]

Hey all. I've been thinking about posting something like this for some time. I've been fighting a tough battle of late (well, it's been on and off for 15 years now) and I wondered if there were some more constructive ideas out there to help me NOT to wallow in depression. I guess it's wallowing...yesterday it was full-blown depression (meaning that it doesn't feel like I'm in control at all), but it has been going on in various forms for like a month. I've always had trouble in this area, but it has seemed extra intense lately when combined with some health issues.

It isn't so much that I need help with my health issues or even my depressions. I guess I just would like to know if anyone else has a good way of remaining steadfast in your emotional state. I feel like I shouldn't be so depressed about stuff at times nor wallow in depression. I think I should be able to pull myself out of it better than I do, knowing what I know. I feel like I should somehow be more patient in the problems and not be frustrated by them. I'm getting better at that, but honestly...it felt like the more patient I was the longer the problem lasted and what's up with that? If I fight back against problem it seems like it doesn't last as long, but I'm more frustrated in it. If I'm patient, it lasts a long time. Its probably just the impression of an out-of-whack mind, but by the end I'm so emotionally exhausted that it's hard to pull myself out of the depression caused by the fact that my body doesn't keep up with me.

I woke up happy for the first time in a month this morning and wondering what had happened to me over the last month. I have felt like I was putting on a play for most people because I don't want to discuss this with anyone. But now that I feel mostly good, I want to know how to keep the mostly good around me...and even in the health problems, I don't want to feel so defeated.

I hope that makes sense to the wise person out there with a useful solution. Thanks for your thoughts!!

[amberpatomo]

Okay this is a very complex issue for me because I suffer from anxiety and have for about 7 years. Most of the time depression seems to creep in during and after my anxious episodes.

I remember being a teenager and going through the mental anguish of who I was. I remember feeling frustrated with my mistakes and flaws. I often times talked myself into feeling worse because of my false ideas of what I should feel. Somedays were better than others but when something came up like a family party I wanted to hide my anxiety and pretend it wasn't there. I told myself I could handle it and I shouldn't make a big deal out of it. Not to many people knew about my feelings.

I noticed in your post you mentioned the word "should" a lot. I can't remember where I learned this, maybe it was from my therapist but I learned that often times we expect to much of ourselves when we are weak. I used to think that I had to get better or that I shouldn't let my mental state be stronger than my will to be happy or to appear happy.

Sometimes it's about just accepting the situation and developing a plan that is right for you. It may not make you feel better right away but focusing on a plan will give you something positive to look forward to.

If you feel that you are not in control of your depression, mind, home, children, or whatever you feel is "out of control", you will find comfort to know you are in control of the steps you take to make you happy.

You may have to do the same things over and over again. I know that some of the skills I learned had been forgotten over time and I realized I needed to always keep up on my exercises even when I wasn't feeling bad. I could be doing better now ... but I do know that it helped me to always keep it a priority.

Hope this helped. I am sure you have many great tools for feeling better. You really do help many people on this forum now it's time to pamper you!

[Erudite]

Originally Posted by amberpatomo

Sometimes it's about just accepting the situation and developing a plan that is right for you. It may not make you feel better right away but focusing on a plan will give you something positive to look forward to.

If you feel that you are not in control of your depression, mind, home, children, or whatever you feel is "out of control", you will find comfort to know you are in control of the steps you take to make you happy.

Thanks, AP! I really needed to hear this. You know its funny, I do have a plan. I have a morning routine that I try to do every day and often, if I get out of bed and wander around the house in my PJs feeling sorry for myself, the way I pull myself up is to return to my bed, where my routine is posted, and start going through the steps (#1 is to make the bed). It does put a feeling of control back and helps me to feel like I'm accomplishing something. Sometimes I have to pat myself on the back that the bed got made, you know?

But maybe I need to have a plan to get back to "happy" too. If you don't mind sharing, I'd be interested in hearing what you do to get back to "happy". You said you keep up with your exercises...is that physical or mental exercises? I know for some people doing something out of the ordinary helps. That sometimes works for me, but often it just means more stress because I didn't keep up with my routine so now I'm behind. I guess I just wish I could maintain where I'm at, but it often feels like I'm sliding down some horrible bumpy slope and crawling back up again occasionally doesn't feel like it's worth it.

[5ft Diva]

I apologize if this post seems obsolete at this point but I've been working on it all morning (you know how it goes w/ kids) and so I'm posting it anyway. I love the suggestions AP gives - more applicable. Anyway, here are my thoughts:

So, let me get this straight. You were depressed. Now you feel better and now that you feel better you'd like some suggestions as how to remain in this state rather than falling into a state of depression and if that does occur how to quickly pull yourself up out of it. Did I get that right?

DISCLAIMER: I don't claim to know anything or to be the wise one with the useful solution, this is simply an attempt at being a good friend.

Okay, my first thought is on your comment about patience. You said, "the more patient you were in your depression the longer it lasted." I do not know the circumstances in which you were patient but I know for me that when I am patient and/or pray for patience, that's exactly what I get and, in fact, I get more of it. It doesn't surprise me that your depression lasted longer while being patient, that is the way it is with everything when you choose patience. Now, the question is: why, when you're using a Christlike attribute are you feeling frustrated? Wendy Watson Nelson (at Women's Conference) said: "premortally we agreed to do certain things". Is it possible that "there is something more, something different that you're supposed to be doing". I find it interesting that you stated two opposite feelings in the same sentence. Patience and frustration. The frustration is an indicator to me that "your spirit is feeling restless and underused - your spirit is saying there's more" from this experience to learn and that it's time to get learning it. It would be a different story if you were disobeying the commandments but it sounds like you're doing everything right, or the best way you know how, which says that maybe patience in this case isn't in your best interest in moving forward.

Second thought, to me, it sounded an awful lot like you were trying to pull yourself up out of this depression. That in itself is an oxymoron. How does one "pull" themselves up when they are lower than where they want to be? When an individual is in a state that they need to be "risen" up out of they will not be able to do this on their own. A depression is simply that, a depression. A sinking, a "stuck in a hole" feeling. There is not a way to get out of it w/o the help of someone else. In order to create change, one will need to rely on another, in this case it clearly to me is the Savior, to help you rise to a higher plane. Otherwise, all you're doing is making a step up the side of the hole you're in and feeling like you're making progress only to slip and fall right back down into it. When I was reading your post I could vividly see the resurrection occurring. Isn't that what death is? A depression. Our bodies are laid into the ground and there is no other way we will be risen up save it be through the Savior. We cannot pull ourselves up out of a depression on our own, it goes against the teachings of the gospel. You must completely rely on the Savior to lift you up and place you on higher ground.

Third thought, you said that you felt mostly good and now want to keep the mostly good feeling around you. The natural man is an enemy to himself. Once again, you'll need to partake of the atonement in your life to create this feeling of constant good - it isn't something you will be able to do on your own. The big lesson in this life is that we are lost and fallen which means we must have a Savior to to be found and risen.

At the end of the day, you must decide for yourself what is right for you. Like I said, I don't claim to know anything, I'm just being a friend and I hope you continue feeling better. I apologize if I added to your state of depression in any way. Is there anything I can do?

You referred to health problems while experiencing depression. I would suggest getting "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" from your local library that BS is going to start a book club on and look through it. I think you'll be surprised with what you find.

[Mamallama]

Erudite, I am so sorry you’ve been having such a tough struggle with depression. My heart goes out to you as I know how tough and frustrating it is dealing with depression. I am in no way wise, and I don’t have the perfect solution for you, and I don't know if this will help at all, but I hope you don’t mind me sharing a little bit of what I’ve experienced and found to be true with my family anyway.

Depression runs through my side of the family and my husband’s side of the family big time and it is definitely something that is NOT one’s fault. Sometimes you can try every “remedy” (including prayer, scripture reading and giving service) in the book so to speak, and still not feel better and able to pull yourself up---and again I say, it’s not your fault. Depression is an illness, where chemicals in your body are so out of whack that it causes severe “down” feelings in yourself. Sometimes so down that you just can’t pull out of it.

I believe that sometimes the other health issues in one’s life, can cause depression in and of itself. When my oldest son was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease at age 13, he was so sick all of the time, had to be fed through a pik-line in his arm to bypass his digestive system for months and months, and had to deal with so much pain in his abdomen all of the time, was on steroids which made him swell up like a balloon---he fell into a deep depression which took several years to overcome.
When I was struggling with my thyroid problems years ago, I fell into a deep depression. As I tried and tried to fight it, I just couldn’t win. I thought I was lazy and crazy when all along it was my thyroid out of whack that had then caused my ‘ability to feel good’, the ability to pull myself up out of depression, to run out of line as well.
With another child of mine, as well as with my sister and other family members, they deal with depression in and of itself and it is NOT their fault. It’s an illness.

I’m not a medical doctor or a specialist in this area by no means, but I would venture to make a guess, that due to the fact that you have other health problems, these health problems might be causing depresssion in and of itself. Regardless, in any case, I would suggest talking with your doctor about the depression that keeps coming.

I’ve often heard people say that the sure remedy if you are depressed is to pray, read your scriptures and give service. I think, this works in the more mild times of one feeling down, times of sitting and feeling sorry for oneself and so forth, but unfortunately, I think this isn’t always enough to pull one up and out of “true” depression, in my opinion anyway. Sometimes we are at such a low point that we cannot get ourselves out of it by ourselves. We sometimes need other help to get us through. Sometimes therapy, and sometimes medication and sometimes both, is what is needed to help get us up and out of the rut. There is no shame in taking medication for depression and/or going through therapy to help deal with this. I believe that Heavenly Father wants us to make use of medical technology and advances that are available to us.

I have heard that if you feel depressed for more than two weeks at a time, it’s a good idea to talk with your doctor about it.

I’m glad you’re feeling better today ER. Again, I wish I had the perfect solution for you, but I know that you will find it. Best wishes to you in whatever you route you take in helping to deal with this. You’re going to make it through all of this. Keep praying for direction and I know the Lord will help you figure out which route to take and what to do…..priesthood blessings as you know are wonderful in helping get the direction needed as well. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers.

[5ft Diva]

Erudite, I had another thought. Unless you've hid it really well from me, it isn't like you to get depressed. Usually you're one to take on a challenge and not be defeated so this is surprising to me to hear that you're depressed (knowing what I know about what's going on in your life). When I get depressed it is mainly because of two things. 1) I am not getting the rest I need and 2) I feel extremely overwhelmed. Usually it falls in this order. Is there something in your life that is causing you to feel overwhelmed and are you getting a good night's rest from the time you lay your head on your pillow at night to the time you awake in the morning? Just a thought.

[Big_Sissy]

Great advise! All of you are so wonderful. Do you have any idea of the power behind just having someone to talk to that actually cares and will listen? It's very refreshing and I hope all of you know that. I believe the reason we don't see more angels in these latter days is because we are all angels to some degree. We can all be there for each other. Don't forget that.

Ok, now my thoughts, and obviously as you can see their are a lot of different thoughts on how to deal with depression. The key is finding what you believe will work for you, and run with it. Because as you know their are a multitude of different thoughts on how/why etc depression occurs. But I can tell you half the battle is actually admitting it and then starting to do something about it.

Diva has this on one of our walls and I believe it is true.

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.

Author James Baldwin

So I offer my thoughts and opinions based off what has worked for me since I too suffer from depression.

My therapist, Wendy, believes that all health issues are tied to underlying mental/emotional/spiritual (MES) issues that have not been dealt with. I subscribe to this belief as well. The basic premise is that if you don't deal with a past MES issue, that issue will eventually manifest its self in some form or another physically.

The book Feelings Buried Alive Never Die, is about this exact thing.

The book actually lists areas of pain or physical problems and the associated thoughts/beliefs that cause the physical pain/illness. You will not like what you read in this book (I almost always hate what I hear) because so far for me, it's been SPOT on which is good, but I still don't like to hear it. Kinda like hearing that I'm selfish or a jerk, I don't want to hear it, but never the less, it's probably still true (working on that BTW ).

A real example. Off and on, I have pain in my right wrist. The book says the following about this:

Wrists:
Holding on to outmoded beliefs about life and self
Imbalance in giving or receiving/doing 'overs' on one or the other

I'm not even sure what the second one means, but I can tell you the first one is correct. I am having a tough (really really tough) time moving forward. For some reason I believe I can't live without past JUNK.

Some of the items listed are a little vague but usually still apply. I guess that's why I want to actually read the book so I can get the full picture.

Ok, so enough about the book. I'll speak to medication, as I've used/use medication. I believe there is a place for medication, however, in my experience all the medication does is masks your feelings/issues. The highs get not so high and the lows get not so low, which is awesome, but I don't suggest anyone look at medication as a long term solution. For me, I see it as a stop gap while I deal with the "real" issues, or until I'm ready to deal with them.

When I first told my MD about depression she was hesitant to prescribe any medication because she believed that "therapy" was a better "solution." At the time I wasn't ready to hear that, so I got medication. Now I see that she was right.

So for what it's worth that is my experience and thoughts on depression.

Good luck with it, it's been a long road for me, but I'm making progress, and so will you.

[Erudite]

Thank you to all for your kind thoughts and encouragement! It made me teary-eyed to see how much you all can care about someone you've never met (with the exception of 5D and BS who served very good egg rolls to my family the other night!!)

BS, I think the book sounds like a good idea, but it's hard to see how to fit it in as 5D is right, the depression is partially stemming from being overwhelmed in my job...which makes me crazy busy and thus gives me little time for books (as can be seen by the fact that the Lund book is still in chapter 4 after what? two months??) I'll have to see if I can get a copy by next week.

Again, I appreciate so much everyone's willingness to share and support me, but I wasn't really worried about "depression" per se, because 5D is right...it is unusual for me. I was worried about the cycle that gets me on the road to depression. I'd like to learn how to avoid that OR become stronger in dealing with it when it does happen, because I can see that my life isn't going to get any less stressful anytime soon. I need to practice staying happily in control no matter the stresses.

I think AP's suggestions were excellent in reminding me how to feel the control again so that I can focus on whats important (that's what my routines do for me). And ML's suggestions on getting out of yourself with prayer, scripture study, and service are excellent for my mild problems...though I do recognize that if I were to feel all the time like crawling under my desk to be in the dark (which was Monday's issue) and crying, I really would need to seek some serious help.

I sincerely love 5Ds ideas, but patience wasn't the frustrating part. I was defining patience as "watching with wonder and awe the plan of God unfold" (Maxwell...I'll track down the exact quote and post it). I wasn't frustrated in patience at all. In fact I was amazed at the lessons learned in quietly contemplating how to not feel lousy. You and I talked about that...remember? Patience isn't for combating frustration, it is for feeling calm inside difficulties, due to recognizing that God is in control, at least that's how I think of it. And I totally appreciated the reminder to use the atonement in my life, but I think if I'm not reaching up toward it (ie pulling myself out of it) the atonement can't take effect. There is something I need to do in that process. But I think that's what you said with the natural man ideas.

It is amazing to have such amazing friends. I only hope that I can be as helpful to you as you are for all of us!! THANKS!

[crazyK]

Well, I went to my Dr. a couple of years ago and he said that no amount of fasting, prayer, and\ service will get you out of depression. Sometimes it is only a matter of finding the medication or foods or whatever and live is better. Not cured but better and those other things help. Fasting, prayer, and service. I have chosen medication and it has made all the difference for me. I was angry at my kids, yelling all the time and I could hear a voice inside my head to stop and I couldn't or wouldn't stop. Now I am under control. I still yell at my children but it is controlled. I went off and some big stress came into my life so I went back on. I am hoping that I can go back off but I am not counting on it right now anyway.

[Mamallama]

CrazyK, thanks for sharing your experience with this. I'm so glad that the medication helps you. As you say, different things work for different people. And even if one ends up needing medication their whole life for this or any other condition, it's okay.

I don't like taking medication either---but I have to take it for my thyroid. I tried weaning myself off of it several years ago and it backfired. My doctor said that I have to take it for the rest of my life. I didn't like that thought at first, but now I realize that I need to be grateful that there is this medication available that keeps my body functioning properly so that I can lead a normal life.

I believe that for any condition we may have whether it be anxiety or depression, diabetes or cancer or whatever----if there is therapy available, medication that might be helpful, certain diets that can help us feel better and enable us to cope with our condition,----then I am grateful to live in a day and age where these things are available to us.

I would not want anyone to feel ashamed of needing therapy, or needing to take medication, or needing to eat a special diet, for any condition that they have. I mentioned this before, but I'll just say it again. I really believe that Heavenly Father wants us to make use of the medical advances that we have available today. We need to study up on available alternatives I believe, and pray about it, and then listen to what the quiet promptings guide us to do-----Heavenly Father will help you know what is best for you. We need to just trust in those feelings.

Just my thoughts.

[Big_Sissy]

I agree, use what's available, and what works for YOU! Thank goodness for options.