Why can't I just see the lesson!

[amberpatomo]

I am finally making myself log in and write out some thoughts I am having. I never seem to think I have time to write but today I need to. As many of you know we recently moved from Tooele to Salt Lake and it seems nothing has gone right. I listened to the promptings about moving and when I say "I", it truly feels like I only made the decision.

We have had many little roadblocks these past few weeks. I am feeling so vulnerable. The transmission in our van went out 3 days before we moved and it was over 3k to get it fixed. I never thought I had that much attachment to a material object until I saw it being towed away to the junk yard. Our "I love Finland" sticker was still attached. I only had 2 minutes to remove all the items in the car because I was late to meet the tow truck driver. I forgot a few things. We still owe the bank a little bit which isn't terrible because they really helped us out.

The offer on our house fell through after we had already moved. The buyer found out they were pregnant and I guess they got spooked about making such an investment that they backed out. So now we are back at square one trying to sell a vacant house. We have had a few potential buyers but nothing solid yet. We have until march/april until it forcloses. We needed to get out of the house because our refinance didn't go through due to low prices in the area and also our ARM increased in December.

This morning my DH slid into a guardrail right outside of his job. This will be about $500 to repair. I am shooken up because we already lost one car. I am happy that he was okay and nothing bigger happened. Still, I feel overwhelmed about the incident.

Our baby is due soon and of course..... I am not feeling well. I can't sleep and I don't want to go anywhere. My kids are getting cabin fever and it's hard to find creative things to do with the energy level I am at.

I don't like complaining but it just seems so easy to do. The hard part is finding the strength to be positive and look to the future. I am very grateful to be healthy and have healthy children. I at times don't feel like my husband is the strong rock I need and it's hard to be the "strong" rock for everybody.

Aren't I supposed to enjoy my life? Am I am mean person because I don't want to be responsible for everybody in my family all the time? I want to hear, "don't worry, I will take care of it" and then have it actually happen.

So many people in my life have helped me which I am indeed grateful for... I really am. I want to see the lesson in all of this......

[5ft Diva]

I feel your frustration. I am sorry. You have had a couple of really hard weeks. I don't want to say too much because I'm not sure if you're just wanting to vent or if you actually want to talk to someone about this, but know I'm here if you need to talk otherwise, I'm just listening.

[bookworm]

Originally Posted by amberpatomo

when I say "I", it truly feels like I only made the decision.

I don't want to be responsible for everybody in my family all the time? I want to hear, "don't worry, I will take care of it" and then have it actually happen.

amber, we don't know each other outside BnS, but just know that you are not alone in feeling like this. As indicated in another thread about husbands, I've felt EXACTLY what you are saying here many many times.

I sincerely hope you find some peace and happiness in spite of the struggles. I really do. I think when we're actually IN the trial, it's so hard to see beyond it. I hope God shows you the light at the end of the tunnel- cling to hope, cling to what you know. Good luck!!

[Dia Minha]

Amber, I am so sorry you are struggling right now. I really don't know what else to say. I hope everything gets better for you.

[Meticulous madness]

I am so sorry to hear about all of this, too! Seems like when it rains, it pours (and almost always at the most inopportune times in our lives).

You can call me and vent, too!

Easier said than done, I know, but please try not to stress too much and put yourself in labor! Maybe we should think about doing a BNS girls' night.

[5ft Diva]

I'm in.

[Erudite]

I don't know you either, and also don't know if you're releasing some steam and don't need ideas, but MM may have the right idea. When I read your thread it sounded to me like your cup is empty and it needs some filling. Are you doing anything for yourself to fill your cup? How about:

• A home facial. Take a few minutes after the kids are in bed and massage in a scrub.
• Some simple yoga for deep breathing and gentle stretching.
• Daily reading of scriptures in a focused topic like: "rest in the Lord", "joy", "happiness", "peace", etc.
• Organization...one of my personal favs for "re-decorating". Find one small area and put everything away, throw away what you can and DI what you can. I find it enormously restful to have a clean space or two in the house. My desk has stayed clean for a week now after digging through 6 inch high stacks and I'm working on making sure it stays that way by always putting things away so they don't stack up.
• Creating some online shopping wish lists for AFTER the baby comes and you've returned to your normal size.
• Most important, take a "sweet hour of prayer" and discuss this all with your Heavenly Father.

That's all I could think of off the top of my head. I hope it helps a little. Finding ways to fill our own cups, especially when others aren't helping in the process, is about the only way to remain a good wife and mother and keep some personal sanity.

[Erudite]

After writing the above, I glanced at your title again. Maybe this doesn't apply to you, but I thought I'd share an experience. I got SOOOO sick last year and it went on for months (it's still going on though not as severe). At some point, the YW came to do some service by cleaning in my house. As they were leaving, one of the leaders said in the most perky voice possible "Just learn the lesson! Then this will end." I smiled graciously and let her walk out the door before rolling my eyes. Lesson? You gotta be kidding me.

If I thought there were a lesson in my being sick, it would imply that God MADE me sick in order to teach me a lesson and I don't believe it. Not in the slightest. God did not make me sick anymore than God made all these things come down on you at once. He loves us way too much to be tinkering in our lives in this way.

HOWEVER, what God does is turn weakness into strength. When opportunities, not lessons, come our way, God knows how to take them and make them for our best good. THAT is what kind of a God He is. BUT we need to be willing to let Him do that, and we need to be asking him to do that. Your question...where's the lesson is valid from that perspective, but don't be looking for passing some test and having all bad stuff come to an end. Again, that would imply that God dropped those things in your lap and He didn't. But He can strengthen you and He can curb the winds and calm the billows (hymn #103 verse 3) so that YOU can grow from the experience.

On top of your growth, your husband can grow from the experience, your children can grow from the experience. You can pull together as a family and feel greater harmony, greater peace, greater guidance, greater comfort, as long as you allow God to guide you in what needs to be done to get through what is happening. He can and He will, because that is the lesson to learn.

[Big_Sissy]

Very well said. God doesn't do things necessarily, but he does help us get out of them, and hopefully learn something along the way. He allows "Life" to happen. What we do with it is up to us.

Having said that, Amber, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Not fun. I'll be praying for some peace in your life. I think you need it.

[LostnFound]

Oh Amber I'm so sorry that you are having these struggles at this point in your life. You have been dealing with a lot. Everyone has had some great suggestions. I hope things start to seem brighter soon.

[Mamallama]

Amber, I am so sorry for your pain and frustrations that you are going through. Hang in there. Something has got to turn around for you soon...I hope! I'll keep you in my prayers. I love ER's thoughts on this. And Keep praying for strength--I need to do this too--and I know Heavenly Father will help us all through these trials we are in. I love you Amber! Hang in there.

[natickgirl]

I feel for you. Hang in there!

[amberpatomo]

You are all so sweet! I am sorry it has taken me so long to reply... More things have occurred in the past week that I didn't know what to say. I sat in sacrament meeting yesterday, it was testimony meeting of course. And most the testimonies involved the economy and some losing jobs and money. We are one of those also. We had a substantial cut in monthly income and I could really feel for those speaking. One woman's husband has been out of work for a while and she seemed so fragile. Like a child somehow and vulnerable.

3 missionaries visited our ward and one said something that hit me.... "Today we have attended 4 testimony meetings and it seems there is a common theme about the economy. I can only say that my advice is to share the gospel with as many as you can". That was basically all he said.

I am not sure if all of you on here are LDS but I can only say that after all I have experienced in the past month the only place and peace I find is when I am close to the Lord. I cannot control every aspect of my life and that is the lesson for me. I am only in control of my choices and the consequences will follow.

5fD - Thanks for being fragile.... You can always say something to me! I appreciate your concern.

Bookworm - Sometimes I think Satan puts a wedge between my husband and I when things go wrong. Making it harder for me to get through it with him. I am glad that I am not alone in this. Sometimes I feel like a mean wife

Meticulous - I would LOVE a girls night!!!!

Dia - Thanks for making me feel better

Erudite - I have been thinking about what you said, I do need to see the lesson as an opportunity for growth and I also need to take time for myself because I am important too!

BigS - Thanks for your prayers

LnF - Thanks for your comments

mama - I feel so bad about complaining when others are going through similar situations... Thanks for your concern and I do hope all goes well for your family.

Natick girl - Thanks for thinking of me

[5ft Diva]

Amber, sorry to hear about your recent pay cut. I hope things calm down over at your house. Thank you for sharing that missionary's words. It has really given me something to think about as it puts everything that's going on in our world/country into perspective.