CH2 - Living a Higher Law: First Impressions

[5ft Diva]

You're gonna get these kind of threads from me all throughout the book because this is the way I work. I don't normally read something and then come up w/ a grand scheme topic to discuss, it's discussion all along the way! Anyway, that's just a heads up for all of you.

So I just got done reading about the Myth of Criticism and my heart is pounding. I can always tell when I'm reading truth because my core begins to resonate. That's how it was for me reading this section....I love this chapter (and this book).

This section touched on two parts that pierced me and it was the part about having vision (the coaching analogy) and how criticism affects our self worth. I couldn't help but put me in place of the coach and every person I come in contact with in one way or another in place of the player. In order to avoid criticism you have to have vision. It's the opposite of criticizing - to an extent. In reference to self worth, I have recently witnessed first hand the damage that criticism can have on some one's self worth and how quickly they can plummet. It is definitely one of Satan's tools.

I think everyone has vision (meaning the potential we see in others), the skill lies in being able to share that vision with others in an effective way. How do you develop the skill of inspiring the potential that lies within someone else so that you can help them become who they were meant to become. And how do you do that for yourself?

[Erudite]

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

I think everyone has vision (meaning the potential we see in others), the skill lies in being able to share that vision with others in an effective way. How do you develop the skill of inspiring the potential that lies within someone else so that you can help them become who they were meant to become. And how do you do that for yourself?

Well, first, I have to mildly disagree. I don't think everyone sees potential in everyone else. I say that because it's something I've been praying to better understand for a long time. I'm still not as good as I could be, but I'm getting better. I do think it is an attribute of God that He will gladly share with us if we make ourselves worthy to have it. (Again, see Elder Bednar's talk in the December Ensign which is about observing and discerning others' worth.) I know this because I have been praying for it and I can tell that my heart has changed toward most around me. As my understanding of my place in the plan grows, I realize that everyone else's place in the plan is identical...meaning we all have the exact same amazing potential.

Second...how for others? We need to come to understand what I just said above...we all have the same potential to inherit all that our Father has. Then we communicate that to others with our love and respect. Isn't that what Dr. Lund said? "...without question, love is the greatest motivator of them all. Love of country, love of family, and love of God will continue to inspire men and women to lay down their lives. The power of love can inspire us to eliminate all inappropriate critical messages" (p. 20). I loved the story that he tells about Don Quixote and the character of Aldonza/Dulcinea, in which we learn that when we treat each other with respect no matter who it is, respect will be gained--both for ourselves and for the receiver of respect (that is they gain self-respect). It is an amazing impact we can have when we treat people as their highest and best selves.

Third...how do we do that for ourselves? How do we inspire the potential within ourselves to become who we are meant to become? This is gonna sound odd, but just for a moment...take yourself out of all the things, ideas, perceptions, and expectations that surround you. Consider for a moment that the ONLY thing that is real is that you are a daughter of God and God expects you to come home to Him. For as long as you can concentrate on it, you're not a mother or wife or an employee...ONLY a daughter of a loving Father whose only goal for you is to come home with honor. Meditate on that...go there whenever you need peace and comfort. There you will find your potential; there you will find who you really are. Once you introduce yourself to you, you can begin to see where yourself doesn't always measure up to you, and in discussion with Father (see the "Heavenly Father doesn't judge" thread from chapter 1), you can begin to adjust your feet to meet the path that will take yourself to you...and that path leads home.

(My apologies to the grammarians who recognize that "yourself" and "you" are grammatically incorrect.)

Now, I only wish I could say I always lived this way, because doesn't it sound lovely?

[5ft Diva]

I have to visualize everything and so that was a great mental exercise Erudite. Thanks for the suggestion.

I think you're right about everybody not being able to see potential in others. I think what I meant was everybody has the ability to sense potential in others but not everyone recognizes it as that. How one chooses to react to what they sense in someone else is another thing. There are two choices - you can either resist or embrace. Those who resist the greatness we see in others will come off as angry, scared, they criticize, bully/intimidate, control, stay away, ignore, cut off, make fun of, etc. Those who embrace one's ability to become something wonderful will listen, learn from, appreciate, encourage, be happy for, etc. I think you get I'm saying. That's all I mean by that - so therefore the skill lies with being able to see the potential and helping those who have that potential to reach it. Sorry I went on a little long about this concept. It's important enough that I wanted to make sure I was clear about what I was feeling.

So maybe my question should be, how do we recognize what kind of a person we are? Are we a person that resists the potential in others or do we embrace it? And how do you portray yourself in a way that SHOWS others you believe in them?

[Erudite]

Interesting! I never thought about it like that...sensing potential, but not recognizing it. I would guess that's true...and it's one of those undeveloped talents that we all have in the light of Christ. Add that to the list of talents I'd like to develop, because that's a vital one to do what you're asking about.

My goodness...you're so smart! Don't I always say that? That list of feelings in resisting or embracing...it's so easy to recognize yourself on that continuum. How we are reacting to others is a measuring stick to how we see ourselves and others...is that what you're saying? When we recognize the true potential in ourselves, we can recognize it others and not be intimidated or concerned about it. We can celebrate it!

That last question...man...that's the struggle of my life. Portraying that I believe in others has not been easy...maybe because in a lot of ways I didn't as well as I should, but I really think I'm getting better. As I work toward identifying the good in others and not criticizing them, it's SO much easier to recognize potential. I had an interesting experience this weekend. I took the time to compliment a sister for a comment that she gave a couple of weeks ago in Gospel Doctrine. It was a great comment and I was grateful she'd shared. Her response was to compliment me in return. It was nice to hear, but what really comes from the conversation is a shared recognition of our true potential. We both see greatness in each other. I think the corollary then is that we need to compliment more in order to push out the criticisms. Finding compliments for each other and speaking them will make us better at skipping the criticisms.

Can't you totally see how the chapter 1 assignment leads to the chapter 2 assignment? I love good teaching methods. I'm excited for chapter 3! Did we decide we're still in week 1 or are we going on to week 2?

[5ft Diva]

In reguards to the measuring stick I had thought of how we see others but not how we see ourselves. That's an excellent thought though. I'll have to take notice of the things I say to myself. I loved what you said about celebrating other's potential. That's exactly what I was trying to say and you said it in a sentence.

Compliments are a great suggestion. It's pretty obvious but it's good to be reminded of how impactful they can be in someone's life. I loved the example you shared about you and that woman complimenting each other and how it had to do with seeing greatness in each other. So many times we think people are just being nice to us when they give us a compliment but if we'd just realize that through that compliment we're being told what our potential is I think we'd take the compliments differently.

Yeah, I can see how the assignments in ch 1 set us up for what's in ch 2. I'm done with chapter 1 but not with chapter 2 and I was talking to FoxyRoxy today and she said she's in the middle of ch 2 as well so I think we should stay here for one more week. Sound good everybody?

[Erudite]

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

So many times we think people are just being nice to us when they give us a compliment but if we'd just realize that through that compliment we're being told what our potential is I think we'd take the compliments differently.

Ok...I'm always a little embarrassed by compliments. At Dr. Lund's suggestion, I've gotten better at saying "thank you", but sometimes compliments feel to me as if the other person doesn't think as much of themselves. Like they are finding something good in me that they don't see in themselves. That always bothers me a little, because everyone has good stuff in them that should in fact be celebrated. I feel like people worry too much about what they don't have instead of considering what they do have. Does that make sense? I can see I need to take it differently, but unless I know the person VERY well, that's always how I feel. It makes me uncomfortable. Help me to understand that better.

I think we should stay here for one more week. Sound good everybody?

Sounds good to me.

[5ft Diva]

It sounds to me like you don't trust that person's intentions. You have to trust them and know that they know what's best for themselves and even if they were complimenting you under false pretenses there's nothing you can do about that so why worry about it? If you really feel you need to say something to help boost them up you could always try something like, "I love being around you, you always have something nice to say to everyone." That in turn tells them of their worth.

[foxyroxy]

I have just finished the section titled A Higher Law, It talked alot about prayer and determination & how the higher law cannot be lived without the strenghth of the Holy Ghost. Another part that jumped out at me is that prayer helps in changing our expectations to focus on Pleasing God and loving our fellow beings.This was a good reminder to me that we need The spirit to make changes in our attitude and our relationships with others. I have enjoyed reading others comments on the book so far. I like this book alot.

[5ft Diva]

I haven't finished reading this chapter yet. I've read it once before but I'm reading it through again now. I don't remember the part about praying to help us change our expectations when that needs to happen. I can't wait to read through all the chapter to find that section and mark it up like crazy - I need that right now in my life. Thanks FR for pointing that out. I learned a lot from you today. I can't wait to hear what else you have to say.