CH3 - The Greatest Revelation: Gentleness and Meekness

[Joanie]

I hope you don't mind me lumping these together.
Just for a reminder of his definitions:
Gentleness--sensitive, tender, meek, respectful, soft tongued
Meekness--submissive, humble, mild, well composed, tranquil, peaceful and not easily offended

I find both of these traits remind me of quiet. It also means allowing others to act and not being overly reactive.
We had a lesson in FHE about turning the other cheek (taken from 2/07 Ensign). We defined it as not seeking revenge, being kind, not fighting back. This seems to line up well with these two traits.
Meekness is an interesting trait to me. It seems to imply not being swayed by others, staying the course in a steady way. When our children want to fight we listen but do not join in. My husband has adopted a rule that if the kids want to fight the conversation ends. He will say "you are fighting" and then he walks away. It is very effective. He will invite them to talk when they can remain calm.
Gentleness means (to me) paying attention to the non-verbal cues we get from others. When they move away physically from us, or look around as though bored, or look sad (even for a second). We have to be really watching them and try to be aware of their feelings. How they feel is the key to how we can approach them.
Please tell me your feelings...

[5ft Diva]

I was telling Erudite one day that gentleness means to me being a lady. It reminds me of what a princess would be told by her mother the queen of how she should act because of who she is. I am a daughter of God and feel this is Heavenly Father telling me this is how I should act simply because of who I am. I wrote in my book above this particular approaching skill "Beauty" and above it's worldy counterpart "Beast". That's what it seems like to me. I love Dr. Lund's description here because it gives me somewhere to start w/ my boys. There are just certain ways they will act once they realize who they really are and I and my husband have a responsibility to them to teach them that or to remind them of what they already know but have long forgotten.

I agree with your thoughts on meekness. I have written in the margin that we're in control of our emotions no matter the circumstance. It makes me think of the Savior in the last days of His life here on the Earth. It takes great self control and discipline and the ability to see others as Heavenly Father sees them to be able to achieve this. To read the counterpart of meekness which is, "prideful, haughty, arrogant, puffed up, disdaining, high-handed, stiff-necked, egocentric, self-righteous, and unapproachable." is enough for me to change my ways. I want no part of those qualities.

[5ft Diva]

Oh, Joanie, I'm interested in this no tolerance for fighting technique that your DH has picked up. Can you explain it a little more to me?

[Joanie]

It mainly occurs when the child is angry and has been punished. If they want to discuss the punishment or get out of trouble then we will only talk to them if they are calm.

[5ft Diva]

And the only thing he says is, "you are fighting" and walks away? Nothing more than that? If it works for you guys, it's worth a try.

[Joanie]

Say the child is sitting in the corner for burping at the table. They cannot come out of the corner until they are willing to talk to one of us (usually the one that put them there). So they call us and say, "I'm ready to talk". We go to them and ask them what they did and if they are willing to change. If they start coming up with excuses and arguing that we're not fair, etc. We stop the conversation and say, "It sounds like you're not ready to talk yet, no excuses, just be humble. Call me when you're ready to talk" and we walk away. They stay in the corner until they are ready to talk. It works really well. We don't want our kids making excuses for their behavior. We just want them to take responsibility for their choices and try to do better.
I hope that helps.

[5ft Diva]

Oh, that makes much more sense. In my head I imagined that your husband was saying this to two children that he was watching fight. Okay, I get it. So is there a moment in there when they're taking responsibility for their actions that you slip in the heart-to-heart talk or the "I have a dream" speech w/out sounding preachy? Does this make sense?

[Joanie]

That's the time...and hopefully they're ready for it by that point.

[5ft Diva]

Okay, sounds good. Thanks for the tips!

[Erudite]

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

I was telling Erudite one day that gentleness means to me being a lady. It reminds me of what a princess would be told by her mother the queen of how she should act because of who she is. I am a daughter of God and feel this is Heavenly Father telling me this is how I should act simply because of who I am. I wrote in my book above this particular approaching skill "Beauty" and above it's worldy counterpart "Beast". That's what it seems like to me. I love Dr. Lund's description here because it gives me somewhere to start w/ my boys. There are just certain ways they will act once they realize who they really are and I and my husband have a responsibility to them to teach them that or to remind them of what they already know but have long forgotten.

I agree with your thoughts on meekness. I have written in the margin that we're in control of our emotions no matter the circumstance. It makes me think of the Savior in the last days of His life here on the Earth. It takes great self control and discipline and the ability to see others as Heavenly Father sees them to be able to achieve this. To read the counterpart of meekness which is, "prideful, haughty, arrogant, puffed up, disdaining, high-handed, stiff-necked, egocentric, self-righteous, and unapproachable." is enough for me to change my ways. I want no part of those qualities.

Thanks for these thoughts. I added "beauty" and "beast" to my margins as well and I love all the words that go with gentleness. I think those words maybe ought to be part of the "boldness" discussion I started because because they make for the sweetness.

I love the idea in meekness that we are "well composed". Joanie is right, these two traits go together, because "well composed" is all about treating people with respect. My friend who I work with is the MASTER at staying well composed. She is an amazing example who stays composed no matter what. I have been astonished to see some of the abuse she has taken with a smile on her face. She remains firm in her goal and constantly respectful in return. She is meek in the best sense.