Conversation Starters

[5ft Diva]

Are you good at starting conversations or are you one of those people that will sit in an awkward silence until someone else says something and still not have anything to add? I don't mean to say that silence is bad, but I think you all know the kind of silence I'm talking about. How do you start your conversations? Do you have a line that you always use that is tried and true?

[natickgirl]

Oh, I am definitely a conversation starter. I think it is so awkward, in certain situations, to sit in silence with someone you don't know very well. I have no set intro, just whatever seems to be appropriate at the time. Most people like to talk about themselves or their children, so I'll often get them talking about themselves, then join in as the conversation takes shape. I've made some great friends this way. On the other hand, I've learned that not everyone is as open & friendly as I am. Some people (especially in New England) are cautious & suspicious of new people, so this approach has backfired a few times. But if I'm too worried about what the other person might think of me, I'm not going to get to know people.

[5ft Diva]

My SIL who lives in Clinton, MA says the same thing. How have you handled those kind of moments? If it were me I'd be falling all over myself to let them know I'm not some wacko off the street only digging myself in a deeper hole that says, "Yes, I am indeed a wacko off the street."

I'm a conversation starter, too. If it's someone I know, but I'm not very acquainted w/ I usually start w/, "So, anything new or exciting happening in your life?" Usually that gives you enough leads to start many conversations when one of them dies down because they tell you about their pet, family, job, school, etc...

This is about annoying conversation starters: I have someone who calls me only to tell me of themself, but disguises it by asking me about the very thing she's dying to tell me about. For instance, "How was your weekend?" I know by this question she's not really asking me about my weekend she's wanting to tell me about hers. Sometimes I'm annoyed by this, but usually I can sit and listen knowing the favor will never be returned because as soon as she's told me how her weekend is she's off calling someone else so she can tell them about her weekend, too. Funny people!

[Big_Sissy]

I'm both! As a youth, I often talked to hear the wind blow through my teeth. I disliked this about myself, so now I'm often the opposite.

The best types of talking is when you talk/discover about the other person. No one likes a "bragger" and sometimes talking about yourself only, can come off as being "that" type of person.

But just as NG mentioned, there are those that feel you are nosy -- IMOP, if you truly care about finding out, it hopefully won't come across as nosy, but there certainly those nosy ones out there.

For those types maybe it's best to just maintain a friendly demeanor -- always say hi and smile, but until they feel they can trust you don't try and be more of a friend than they want. I have my suspicions that these types of people have tough outer shells due to being hurt in the past.

[bookworm]

There are situations in which I don't mind starting a conversation, and I don't mind letting other people start it either.

I used to have a friend just like the one you described, Diva, and I realized that it was a very one-sided relationship, but that I could provide that ear for her, so I did.

When I'm with people I don't know well (or people I know well, actually), I prefer conversation to develop naturally, rather than feeling like I'm interrogating or being interrogated. I like to share experiences that are similar, etc. I sometimes dominate a conversation, but other times I won't say hardly anything- especially in a group, or if I feel I'm not being heard. If I get interrupted by a friend or family member in a group, I shut down. If someone doesn't care what I have to say, I will stop trying to contribute to the conversation. I don't have a driving need to be the center of attention, probably because I do have sisters and others in my life (like DH) who will listen to me and respond to me in a way that lets me know I've been heard.

As far as awkward silences, there is a part of me that says, "it's their silence, too" so if I can't think of anything to say, I won't. Often, though, especially in church, I will ask their name and where they live and maybe what their calling is. One way that I've successfully broken the ice with strangers anywhere is to compliment them. I only give sincere compliments, so sometimes I have to really stretch to find something, but usually it's not hard.

[natickgirl]

Yes, sincere compliments are a wonderful way to break the ice. And sometimes silence is nice. I guess it all just depends on the situation & who is involved.