Expectations of Husbands

[LostnFound]

First of all I hope my husband doesn't find out about this topic, because it may hurt his feelings and my intentions are not to be hurtful at all. I just wanted to find out if any one else has ever had the same feelings as me.

Even after eight years of being married I still have expectations of my husband, that I know are never going to be met. Tasks around my house that my Dad did growing up, I seem to deep down expect my husband to do these tasks. For example my Father always washed and waxed the automobiles, so when our cars are dirty I wait for my husband to wash them and he rarely does. I find myself kind of bothered when I end up washing the cars. Another thing is taking out the garbage. Oh, and my Dad loved to help take care of our pets. He loved our dogs. He would walk them and play with them. I always felt they were more obedient because my Father was more intimidating than us kids and they would always listen and follow commands from my Dad. My husband doesn't really like to spend time with our dog.

Now of course I know there are so many wonderful things that my husband does. I always try to think of these things when I get irritated. I was just wondering if I am alone in my thinking or if this is a common feeling women can feel?

[PhillyGirl]

I think that all woman have expectations of their husbands, or at least that is what I tell myself. I know expectations are kind of dangerous because they set me up for disappointment. I have found the only way for me to get around this is to communicate my wants/expectations to my husband. If he doesn't know what I want (I have found he has a hard time reading my mind for some reason) then he isn't going to do it. It doesn't mean that he always remembers, that's for sure, but he is at least mindful of my desires. As husband and wife we really have to train each other what we need from each other and then there will be compromise on what each person can actually do. Anyway, this is what I have found to help me out. Unfortunately, we find ourselves having to remind each other all the time; oh how forgetful we are. Well, this has been a good reminder for me to not just get mad and hold it all in but to tell/remind him how I need help around the house and with the kids.

[Dia Minha]

Lost, There is a really good book called "Confessions of an Unbalanced Women" by Emily Watts. There is a chapter about this very topic that I just love. There is no way I can even begin to explain it as good as she does. I have a copy if you would like to borrow it. It is a very quick reader, 45 minutes, an hour tops.

[5ft Diva]

Oh, LnF, I feel your pain. I remember going through a mourning stage when I realized that the man that I expected BS to be was never going to be because it was never who he was in the first place. The man that I had created in the figment of my imagination (after the honeymoon was over) had to be buried or I would never be able to live w/ the man I was married to. (This sounds a little dramatic, I know, but it was sad for me when I had to say good-bye to all the things that BS was not willing to do no matter how important it was to me.) This is not to say that he is not awesome, I just allowed my "active" imagination to get in the way of our real relationship. I hope this makes sense.

Totally common and it doesn't mean we don't love our husbands. It simply means that we need to come to grips w/ our expectations. Ugh!

[bookworm]

Without giving too many details here, I know exactly how you feel, LnF. In the last couple of weeks, I've begun to really see things as they are and I've been very disappointed that my expectations are not being met, and may never be met, no matter how important certain things are to me. I hope I can get to where Diva is soon, and get rid of disappointment and find acceptance.

[Dia Minha]

Ok, out of curiosity, how many of you have read the book "Confessions of an Unbalanced Woman"? The reason I ask is because due to copyright laws, I can not and will not post the chapter here, but I really think she does an excellent job explaining this very thing. It is worth the the 45 minutes it takes to read this book, I promise. And if you don't have 45 minutes just read the chapters Finding the Brick and Changing Your Focus. It would only take 10 minutes. This book changed my life and for the better. I find myself reading it often to remind myself.

[Meticulous madness]

I haven't read it, but would LOVE to!

[LostnFound]

I would really like to borrow your book. Let me know when it's available.
Thanks Dia.

[foxyroxy]

You are definately not alone in thinking this! I have pretty much let go of most of my expectations for my husband, but it has taken a long time to accept that he will not live up to my expectations. I borrowed a book from meticulous madness called "strangling your husband is not an option" I think that is the title. It is also a quick read, it was a good reminder to me that I can control my attitude and actions but not anyone elses. I still go through times of frustation regarding this. good luck and I know how you feel.

[Dia Minha]

M&M, when I get my book back from LnF would you be willing to swap. I like the sounds of "Strangling Your Husband . . . "?

LnF, I'll bring the book by soon. Hopefully tomorrow while I am out and about.

[bookworm]

I wish our pathetic excuse for a library had these books. The selection there makes me want to scream! Or should I say lack of selection.

If I can get in line to borrow either of those books, I would love to. If I don't just get them on amazon first or something...

[Dia Minha]

Let me check and see if the Salt Lake County Library has any of them. I could put as many as three copies on hold.

[Dia Minha]

Ok, ladies I have three copies of each on hold at the Salt Lake County Library System. I pick up my holds on Wednesday. West Valley library where I pick up my holds at at least one copy of each. This means this Wednesday I will have at least one copy of each and the others should be in by the next Wednesday. I can put more on hold has soon as I pick them up so if anyone else would like a copy please let me know. I will drop them off to whomever asks for them first on this thread.

[Meticulous madness]

I will definitely want to read the "Confessions" Dia. Thanks for doing the library hold and pick up.

And, did you mean that you got "Strangling..." on hold, too (when you said you had a few of each)? If not, you are more than welcome to read mine and anybody else for that matter. It's a good book!

[Dia Minha]

I put three of "Strangling. . . " on hold as well as three of "Confessions. . ." I will keep the first copy of "Strangling . . . " so you can loan yours to someone else if you would like. I'll bring you the first copy of "Confessions . . ." that I get from the library.

[Meticulous madness]

Originally Posted by Dia Minha

I'll bring you the first copy of "Confessions . . ." that I get from the library.

Sweet! Thanks again!

[runamyrun]

I would like to read both. They sound interesting and helpful.

[Dia Minha]

Ok Amy, I have you on the list.

So far I have these ladies in this order:

1. Lnf (M&M I know you were officially the first one to say you wanted it, but I figured since Jade started the thread I would get her first. You won't be very far behind.)
2. M&M
3. Bookworm
4. RaR

Anyone else?

M&M were you going to loan your book to someone? I just don't want to give someone a duplicate copy.

[bookworm]

Dia, you're awesome!

[Meticulous madness]

Yes, someone can read mine. Just let me know who to give it to.