Husband Stuff

[Dia Minha]

I really did not know what to call this thread. It is something I have been pndering since attending an Enrichment night on making dating a priority and affordable. Many of you were there. I thought the Bishop's wife did an amazing job. I have been thinking on several ideas that were brought to my attention and wanted to share and get you ladies comments.

One thing we talked about is doing little things to show our husbands we love them. The instructor brought up the fact that she likes to make sure she showers, and does her hair and makeup to look presentable to her husband when he gets home. This set us into talking about our husbands and how they like our hair, makeup etc. I confessed my husband likes me in sweats (I like the fancier ones with a flair in the leg, so don't be thinking those elastic band around the ankle ones), with little makeup, and my hair in a ponytail. One thing I didn't share was he likes it, because he says it makes me look sporty. I am so not sporty. However, it occurred to me, that he doesn't even notice what I'm wearing from day to day, or how I do my hair. What he is most likely noticing is how I act when I'm dressed a certain way. I act more sporty, when I dress sporty and that is what he likes.

In other words ladies, what I'm trying to say is: Do you think your husbands like the way you look when you have your hair a certain way or do they really like the way you act?

[bookworm]

What an interesting question! I don't think my dh even notices what I'm wearing most days, but I could be wrong. He seldom comments, even when I go to a lot of trouble (makeup and lipstick, etc.) BUT I think this is just a habit, not that he doesn't care.

It occurred to me just the other day that I should put on my face and get dressed before he came home. I have been sick all week and hadn't gotten out of pajamas all week, so I got dressed, did my hair and makeup and felt more presentable. He didn't seem to notice.

I do agree that I behave differently when I'm wearing different things, but as DH has never expressed and opinion on what I wear or how I do my hair (except to bemoan the fact that my long curly hair is no more), I wouldn't even know if he prefers me sporty or dressy or grungy. Hmm...

[Dia Minha]

Bookworm, you say he liked your hair long. You also say he doesn't seem to notice when you change your appearance. Could it be possible that he is actually "bemoaning" the way you acted with long hair, and not the long hair itself?

I know I act differently when my hair is short. I cut it off, all off, a couple years ago. DH made a comment about that he didn't really like it at first, but then he started noticing that I acted different, a little more sassy or something along those lines, and he did like that. This made me realize at the time, that DH didn't really care how long my hair was, or what I was wearing, only if I seemed confident or that I liked the way I looked, did he ever comment.

[LostnFound]

I missed the Enrichment Activity, but I heard many great things about it.

After reading your post I had to go and ask my husband on what I wear that he likes. That made me feel kind of sad. I had no idea because he never tells me anymore. I occasionaly get a whistle that I really don't take seriously. It made me think back to when we were first married and I frequently heard how I looked nice but over the years it has become a very infrequent occurance. I do try to look nice each day. But I admit I don't even expect comments from him anymore. To think about it I seldomly give them to him either. It sounds like it is time for a little chat between the two of us because I think we both need and deserve compliments.

I am glad to have read this for a little reminder.

[bookworm]

Oh, DH loved the long hair. My hair completely changed when I had kids, though, and it simply won't be worn that way any more. He specifically loved the way long hair made me look- younger. Oh well. I understand. I miss those curls, too... However, I do feel FREEer with short hair, so that should translate to more confidence, right? Hmm...
Maybe I'll have to see what he thinks by asking him...

[LostnFound]

Once more thing that might sound silly, on days that my girls tell me how cute I look I have more confidence about myself. My girls are 4 and 6 so I don't really know why I like their approval. Maybe because I don't hear it from my husband. Who knows?

[Dia Minha]

I don't know. Maybe my DH is just weird. But he diffently notices when I think I look good. I could be dressed to the "T", but not liking the way I look and he won't say a thing. I can then turn around and walk back into the room with confidence and pride and he will be throwing out the compliments.

I just had a light bulb. It could also be that he feels when I'm willing to accept a compliment. If I'm down I'll usually turn a compliment down, but if I'm feeling good, I'll most likely accept it. Just something else to ponder I guess.

[Dia Minha]

Originally Posted by LostnFound

Once more thing that might sound silly, on days that my girls tell me how cute I look I have more confidence about myself. My girls are 4 and 6 so I don't really know why I like their approval. Maybe because I don't hear it from my husband. Who knows?

Not silly at all LnF. I'm the same way. I love it when my kids I look skinnier. It makes my day.

[LostnFound]

I don't think your DH is weird. I think it's great that you are getting compliments. My girls are one thing but it's really wonderful to hear it from your husband.

[Dia Minha]

Originally Posted by LostnFound

I don't think your DH is weird. I think it's great that you are getting compliments. My girls are one thing but it's really wonderful to hear it from your husband.

Oh I didn't mean he is weird, because he gives compliments. I mean maybe he is weird, because he notices how I feel and not what I look like.

[LostnFound]

Sound like he is very observant and in tune with you and your feelings. I know you didn't really think he was weird.

Weird is when your husband decides to break dance this last weekend at a Singles dance that he wasn't invited to while your supposed to be on a date night with friends from your ward. Oh that's another story!! Don't get me started.

[Dia Minha]

Originally Posted by LostnFound

Sound like he is very observant and in tune with you and your feelings. I know you didn't really think he was weird.

Weird is when your husband decides to break dance this last weekend at a Singles dance that he wasn't invited to while your supposed to be on a date night with friends from your ward. Oh that's another story!! Don't get me started.

hehehe I'm sorry I missed that one!

[Erudite]

Wow. Interesting questions. I know my DH likes lipstick, for example, but it could be that I act all put together when I've gotten all the way to lipstick. I don't think he notices day to day what I wear either. I've been wearing a lot of leisure clothes of late, that have no real shape to them, so when I get dressed up to go to church, it's such a change that he compliments. Also, he never notices that I've been wearing the same 2 pairs of pants on alternate days for a time because everything else doesn't fit comfortably...but it's all I think about when I put them on AGAIN. So I think we just notice more of our own appearance because it's our own.

On the other hand, I don't notice what he wears either. That's mostly because my husband is king of monotony in his clothing. Business casual, you know, is the thing at work, so it's a plaid shirt, jeans, and sneakers everyday to work. It all tends to blur after 14 years of marriage and seeing the same thing. He doesn't notice what he wears...why would he notice what I wear?

But, like LnF, I do need the compliments sometimes and wish they'd come more frequently. He liked my long-ish hair too, but thinks my short hair is cute...

[Dia Minha]

Yeah, E, I know what you mean. It's the same for my DH. I do notice when he wears one particular pair of brown jeans, because he always looks especially nice in them. So much in fact I tried to hunt him down several pair in different colors at all the Old Navy's in the Salt Lake area and they were all sold out in his size. He also has one sweater I really like.

I understand the clothing thing. I'm living in three pair of jeans and an assortment of t-shirts for the same reason. I don't even have a pair of jeans right now that I even like. They all fit funny.

[Erudite]

I wanted to add about my DH...he may not compliment specifically on my appearance, but he is so grateful for other things, so that while I wouldn't mind more compliments, it is nice to be noticed for having done the laundry and made the bed or put dinner on the table. Simple "thank you for doing that" goes a long way because he IS noticing things. But these days, when I'm selfconscious about the weight I've put on, appearance compliments would help too.

[5ft Diva]

You know, this is an interesting topic. It depends on the day whether or not I care if BS notices what I'm wearing. But if you were to ask me what he takes notice of he usually notices how I look on Sundays. Apparently it appeals to him somehow. The other thing that he always comments on is if I'm witty and funny. I notice that he comments on that more than any one thing about me.

[teeny]

Very interesting thread. I think that it must be a combination of appearance and the way you act when dressed a certain way. I know that my DH definitely has opinions as to how he likes me to look. Example, he likes long hair, and he likes particular pairs of jeans on me depending on how they fit. But, I would agree with everyone else, when I say that most of the stuff I wear he never notices. I think that men are different than women in that they look at their wife and think "Wow, she looks good." but don't go into it in their minds more than that to find out why she looks good, nor a lot of the time do they go beyond that thought to compliment their wives (I'm sure there are exceptions however.) I think that women however think wow, he (or she) looks really good, and think about it long enough to find out why and then go beyond that to compliment.

The other thought that I had was that I think one thing that men do notice is when you change your routine in a drastic way. For example, I've heard the complaint from a lot of men that before they were married and maybe even in the first year of marriage their wives dressed cute, worked out, wore make-up etc. and then after maybe having kids, or just being married for a while their woman stopped doing these things. And I think it's not because men are shallow that they complain about this, I think that it makes a man feel good to know that their woman wants to look good for them. Am I off base on this? I think that a lot, if not most of the time a woman doing this could also be a sign of how she feels inside about say life, their marriage etc. and that also makes them act a different way like not being confident, happy etc. and I know that every good husband definitely wants a happy wife. I think that men take it personally if their wife isn't happy because deep down inside they want to be their woman's hero, the one that does make them happy. Does that make sense?

Anyway, those are just thoughts that I had.

[5ft Diva]

Hmmm....interesting perspective, Teeny. I'm trying to decide if a new thread should be started to answer your question since it doesn't have anything to do w/ the original question. What do you think?

[teeny]

Do you mean the question about how a man likes to know that their woman wants to look good for them? Sure, I don't mind if a new thread is started.