Love Languages

[5ft Diva]

What is your love language? How did you figure out what your love language was? Have you been able to determine what love language your close family and friends speak? How did you accomplish this? Has learning other people's love languages helped you in your relationships? Has it been a curse to find out? Explain.

[PhillyGirl]

I read a wonderful book called "The Five Love Languages." It really helped me and my husband to figure out our "languages" and how we can make the other person feel loved. It was interesting that going into the book I thought mine would be one language and after reading I felt another way. It really simplified it for me and helped me see in what ways I feel love the most. When ever my husband and I don't quite seem to be on the same page we will pull it out again for a refresher course. It isn't always easy to show someone love in the way that they feel it if you speak a different language. It is so important to give love in the way the other person needs it and not just in the way you feel it. I think this is where most husbands and wives run into problems. It isn't that they aren't saying "I love you" it is just that they are saying it in a way that you don't understand as I love you. My love language is quality time; but my husband tries to tell me that he loves me by doing acts of service (his love language). It is great that he does those acts of service for me; I do really appreciate them. But it doesn't tell me how much he loves me like spending time with me does.

[5ft Diva]

Yeah, I actually got the idea behind this thread from that book. I own it (and the one for kids), but haven't opened them yet. I'm waiting for the right time. As odd as this sounds the time is close, but not quite at hand for me. I'm supposed to learn something else before I learn what those books have to teach me.

Anyway, I'm excited to learn what my love language is. I don't know if I'm right, but I'm guessing it's to be listened to. Nothing says, "I love you," to me like someone who listens to me. And I don't mean the kind of listening where they just sit and let me talk. I mean the kind where there is dialogue between the two of us and I can tell by what they are saying that they heard what I said. I'm not really sure what BS's love language is. I am interested to find out.

[PhillyGirl]

I love being listened to as well. I want to know that the other person is actually listening and not just sitting in the room. I am definitely a conversationalist. I don't want to do all the talking. The thing I like to do most with my quality time is just to talk with my husband or a good friend whatever the case may be. I thrive on good conversations.

[5ft Diva]

AMEN! You said it well.

What is it about good conversations that we thrive on do you think? Because you can have a conversation w/ someone and not really say anything at all. I love talking about things that help me be a better person. I think that's why I love getting people's perspectives on things. It is always making me think differently and in a bigger way than I would normally.

[natickgirl]

I want to get one of the "love languages" books to figure out mine & my husband's. I think mine will have something to do with spending time together or being validated by being listened to.

I agree that there's nothing like a good conversation. I think that since carrying on a conversation for longer than 30 secs. requires effort on the part of both parties, someone who takes the time to talk with you about anything is showing you that you are worth their efforts & energy. I, too, love to hear others' perspectives on things because it makes me re-evaluate my own reasons for thinking the way I do. It's the "assimilation or accomodation" theory in psychology, where the new piece of information either matches what we already know, so we assimilate it into our established thoughts, or else the information is so different that our thoughts have to change in order to accommodate it.

[5ft Diva]

Interesting thoughts. I have never heard of the "assimilation or accomodation" theory, but it is exactly what happens in my head. It's a conversion process of sorts - kind of reminds me of chemistry my senior year. Thanks for giving that process a name. Now I have a point of context for it and I know I'm not just making it up in my head - that it happens to everyone. See how helpful this conversation was? I'm sorry that I'm not as enlightening.

[Big_Sissy]

ha ha, I can tell you that your love language is a combination of "personal time" and "Being heard"

You'll take being heard as a second best, and it will tie you over for a period of time, but unless you get personal time (which always includes being heard) you aren't fully satisfied. That's my take anyway.

And coincidentally I do a very poor job at giving you personal time. I'm a lot better at the being heard part, but need work when it comes to personal time.

Oh and don't forget being remembered. You do enjoy being remembered immensely. This I can report is on the up swing!

My love language... that's a tough one. I honestly have no idea. I think I know what it used to be, but it's not "that" anymore... If it is "That", then it's broken for sure

[Meticulous madness]

I have heard a TON about this book recently. I'm looking forward to reading it too (at the right time) like 5D said. I don't think DH would be willing, but I'll give it a shot ('cause it sounds like a mutually beneficial thing in marriage and certainly any relationship).

Reminds me of that "Color Code" book from long ago. DH wouldn't come near it with a ten-inch pole. So I did what any respectable wife would do. I put on my man-brain, answered the questions for and in behalf of him and came up with my own diagnosis).

Love this type of stuff!

[Erudite]

I skimmed the kids love language book years ago. Are the grown-up love languages the same? Someone list them off for me, will ya? I can't even guess at mine until I know more.

Thanks!

[5ft Diva]

Mine are packed away, otherwise, I'd be able to do so. I bet if we looked online somewhere we'd see something written about them. When I get a minute, I'll look if someone hasn't already beat me to it.

[Erudite]

Ah ha! [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

Words of Affirmation - words that convey appreciation
Quality Time - dynamic attention
Receiving Gifts - getting stuff
Acts of Service - doing stuff for someone else
Physical Touch - self explanatory

Hmmm...so now I don't know. I still need to read more.

[5ft Diva]

Those are too vague. I'll have to read, too.