Mental exercises

[5ft Diva]

Okay, you guys are going to laugh at me, but I would like to do a little mental exercise, but I need your help to do it because I don't have any good ideas. Lately, I've had this little problem of letting my emotions get in the way of something I'm trying to say. (A generic example: Someone asks a question that they could easily answer themselves. It'd be great to mentally practice in my mind how to respond to something like that for the days when I'm not feeling so patient and not wanting to be everybody's mother....especially the adults around me.)

I have read a lot of books on communication, but would love the opportunity to practice what I know w/o applying it to real situations. Can anyone give me a scenario where one might need to let their emotions take the back seat in order for their message to come across? I'm banking on the fact that I'm not the only one who's struggled w/ this and that you might even have some personal experiences you could pull from in order to give me some ideas. I don't want to hear the experiences (unless you want to share) I just want to hear the scenario. Hey, the more out-land-ish the better! Maybe we can even vote on the most outrageous example.

[natickgirl]

OK--here's one:

A tenant moves out, and says the home is in "great condition", so you tentatively agree to cover the cost of carpet cleaning since they took such good care of the home. However, in the process of doing the final walk-through, you discover the brand new carpet filthy, stained, and even missing in one room, several window screens are missing, they painted over their nail-holes with the wrong color paint, the bathroom window is ruined, etc. You let the tenant know you'll be keeping their deposit to pay for the professional carpet cleaning, screen replacement, and damages. They say we should have expected the damage because it's "just a rental", and they become angry that we are keeping their deposit. After several not-so-nice e-mails, they get an attorney in the ward involved. (The smart man took one look and the situation & decided to back away very quickly!)

How do you handle that without letting emotions get in the way?

[5ft Diva]

This is a really good one! If I didn't know the tenants very well it would be easy to just pull out the ol' contract and be business-like about it. BUT, if it were a family member or close friend then that's where things get tricky.

Lucky for me, I am not afraid of confrontation....just afraid of offending while confronting.

I would simply state that clearly the property is not in great condition and then inform the tenants of which items will be replaced. If there is time for the tenants to do a "re-do" I would give them that option. The issue is that the rental is not in great condition and I would make sure to stick to that issue so as to not get broadsided with other issues and then feeling vulnerable because I wasn't prepared to discuss something irrelevant.

I guess that is the key, isn't it. Sticking to the issue. Hmmm....I'll have to practice this more. (But I'm not asking for authentic opportunities in order to practice this.) Ha ha....how do I expect to learn?

[Erudite]

I clearly have a LONG way to go, because this just makes my blood boil and I'm no where near the situation! "just a rental" indeed! And that's why you signed "just a contract"!

5D, I think it is so awesome you're thinking like this. Way to go!

[natickgirl]

Yeah, I need to work on not reacting w/my emotions, too. I did OK for a while, sending nice, calm e-mails...then I let the ridiculous comments & attitude get to me, and I wasn't so nice or calm.

All I wanted was for the tenants to say "I'm sorry" and accept responsibility for their actions w/o making excuses. I don't know why that is so difficult for people (including myslef, sometimes) to do! (But, that's a whole "nuther" issue, isn't it?!)

[5ft Diva]

Isn't it though? I so know what you mean!