The Stages of Love

[crazyK]

I have been thinking lately "Where did the young love go? You know the love you had when you were dating and engaged and when you were first married? The giddy love?" I love my husband! He is the best but am I just comfortable with him after 12 years of marriage? I remember the staying up late the anticipation of him calling or going out. I guess it is like when we are young we say "I am never going to be like my mother!" Time goes by and you catch yourslef doing something that your mother would do and you say "Oh Man! That is what my mother does." More time goes by and all of a sudden "I am my mother." And now it really isn't bad. I guess I want my love to be not just comfortable. I want the whole thing. But what is the whole thing? Am I making any sense? (do I know how to spell - no) I do want you to know that my marriage is fine/great I just want more. So, ladies what do you have for me? And men?

[5ft Diva]

I love it when my husband and I (and we did this just last night) stay up talking into the wee hours of the morning about what is important to us. It reminds me of the time when we were first dating and having those 3 to 4 hour conversations we used to have when we were living hours apart and just getting to know one another. For me, it's like getting to know each other again - you pay for it but it is worth it. This is something that can't be one sided though and I think that's where a lot of women feel frustrated. I feel very comfortable having these conversations w/ my husband but it's not routine and that's what I love about it. I hate feeling like I'm married to a roommate. There's no fun in that. We have those conversations every so often. It's the checks and balances of the relationship. He hates them and I love them because it means change!!!!! Another thing that helps our love feel alive (and we are far from experts or perfect or anything) is having hobbies and interests of our own that we can share w/ each other. It's a friendship and that's what you would do w/ your friends. Share w/ them what's going on in your life that's new and how it's helping you become a better person. Also, having a common interest is huge. This forum has been an avenue for growth in our marriage. I think because we both care about it so much. We can apply so much of our every day things such as kids, marriage, house, relationships (you get the point) to our conversations because of this forum. It's just what works for us. I don't know. I think I may have missed the boat on this one. Help me understand what you mean.

[5ft Diva]

Another thing that has changed the dynamics of our marriage is praying for family fun activities. I can't believe the difference that has made!

[Big_Sissy]

Hey now, I don't hate them. I actually quite enjoy them. The only part that I guess you could say I don't like is that sometimes I have a decided before hand that I want to do something, and our conversations get in the way of that. The conversations are way more important, so it's not a big deal, but that's all I'd say about it. Oh, and I don't terribly care for getting trapped into the conversation

As far as a man's perspective... uhm... I'll be honest, I could care less about that stuff, at least not on a regular basis. Their are occasions that I wonder about it, but It's not for want of it. I think that's probably the problem, you want that "excitement" and we aren't willing to put in the work for it. So it's a one person want.

That's not to say you can't have something similar, but unlike what you had when you were dating.

I know their are ways of making the relationship more exciting, but I'm not sure that's what you are looking for, so I won't talk about it, which I'm sure Diva will really appreciate

[PhillyGirl]

I have been married for only 4 years; as you know crazyK, but I understand what you mean. I was just telling Mark that I wish he was still giddy about me. I know that he loves me; but I do miss the dating stage. I think kids make it even harder to get that back. There is just less time to focus on couple time. We will just have to work extra hard to make sure we get in our weekly dates. Maybe if we act like we are dating then we will get some of that back. I don't know what to do about it but I know what you mean.

[LostnFound]

What I like to do is just start a good fight, so we can make-up. No, just kidding.

When I feel like my husband and I are becoming more like roommates than husband and wife, I like to plan a date night. I'm sure everyone has date nights, but I like to joke with my husband throughout the night to make it feel like our first dates. I will tell him to make sure he puts some nice smelly stuff on. Also tease him about making sure he opens the car door for me. I like to hold his hand throughout the night. Well you get the idea.

After reading this it sounds kind of cheesy, and some men might not like it but my husband eats it up. It really works for us instead of just going out like usual. This is just one idea. But I know how easy it is after being married for X amount of years to lose the spark that you once had. It is a work in progress to keep things spicy.

[5ft Diva]

That's good advice, LnF. It's not the weekend get-a-way, it's not the romantic dinner at the perfect restaurant, it's not how much time we spend together; although these contribute to the relationship. It's how we approach the little stuff that we do along the way that sets the tone in the relationship. Very profound!

[Dia Minha]

LnF, we do that too. The kids get a kick out of it, because every once in a while our song will come on the radio and Elder will ask me to dance. As we are dancing right there in the kitchen or living room he will ask me all the same questions he did the night we met. I bet the kids could give all the correct answers.

I really think that just making sure we are putting our relationship before the children has helped us. We do a lot of at home dates, because babysitters can get expensive. There have been months that are entire entertainment budget as gone to the babysitter. For at home dates we set the clock forward an hour, (the kids don't really know the difference) and are in bed an hour early. The can read if they want to as long as they stay in there beds. Then hubby and I will curl up with a good movie, talk, and/or have a special dessert.

When we do end up paying a babysitter, there isn't much money left to do anything. However, we can go to Buddy's and play several games of pool for $1 each. Sometimes I just love to sit and watch him play. Again it's that meeting for the first time feeling, flirting and trying to get his attention off the game. Besides he is awefully sexy when leaning over a pool table. (Can I say that here. Is that rated G. Hope so. I don't wouldn't want to offend anybody.)

Anyway I will probably have more to say later, but I need to get ready for preschool. Hope there is something here you can use.

Dia

[5ft Diva]

I love the idea of setting the clock ahead an hour early. That is a classic!

[crazyK]

Thanks you all! I don't really know what I was looking for. But what it was a lot of fun to hear you all. My husband and I just barely started "dating" again. It has been really nice. I guess I am wanting the Happily Ever After and I actually have IT but IT just is different than dreamed of. Oh, I don't know if I am making sence. But I do know that after writing yesterday helped me get it out. I know that I have a good marriage and I know that I have a good life. And do I really want excitement? Life is pretty exciting as it is. And those you that really know me. We can have excitement! It seems that we are either blessed a big good way or blessed in a bad good way. Through all our blessings (because our trials are blessings) we have been very fortunate. No one has had serious injury. And we have taken all the learning blessings and really learned. Thanks for talking to me. I just love this place! And I have only really figured out who some of you are. Soes it really matter who you all are? Not really. Thanks. And back to love. I can't go back and really who wants to back. Not me. I need to embrace the love that we have develpoed and to keep developing it into more.