Think Your Doing Fine Then . . . .

[Dia Minha]

Do you have moments where you think you are doing really well? You have even started liking yourself. You find yourself feeling really good about the things your accomplished in your life. You have been working on your known talents and have even found some hidden ones. In other words you just start feeling good about where you are in life and then . . . you see her.

She is different than you. Has different priorities, different talents, different life style. It isn't like you want to be like her and change your priorities, talents or life style, but for some reason she makes you feel like your priorities, talents and life style are not as good as hers.

How, as women, do we overcome these feelings? Sometimes I just get so lost. I know it's Satan that does this to me. I just need some ideas on how to get through it without having to start over, building my self-esteem, every time this happens.

[PhillyGirl]

I am so with you on this one. This happens way too often for me and I have no idea how to not let myself go there. I have got to get better at this for my own sanity.

[bookworm]

Oh, I think all women must do this. I do like myself and I feel like I'm doing okay in most areas, but I always see that "perfect" person and can't help but feel I've failed because I'm not perfect in all areas as she appears to be. Oh well... I think in these moments, we should remind ourselves that SHE probably has things she sees in others that she doesn't live up to, also. We all do it. Dia, you are awesome. Don't let Satan or anyone tell you otherwise!!

[natickgirl]

Yup. Ditto. To all that's been said.

[Erudite]

Originally Posted by Dia Minha

How, as women, do we overcome these feelings? Sometimes I just get so lost. I know it's Satan that does this to me. I just need some ideas on how to get through it without having to start over, building my self-esteem, every time this happens.

How do I answer this without sounding conceited? I'm not...at least I don't think so, but I don't do this to myself. Not ever. Life is way too short with too many of my own things to do to be worrying about the path that my peers have chosen for themselves. And what I do is way too valuable, way too important to think that in any way I might be doing the wrong thing....and by this I mean the mothering I do for my kids, the teaching I do for others, and the studying that I do for myself. Those things have a value far, far beyond what even I can see. I know that because I've had the assurance of that from God. And nothing and no one is going to take that away from me.

This has been my state of mind for my whole life, so I can't really point to any one moment and say it was HERE that I said, "AH-HA" and never turned back. But overall, I would have to say that there have been times when I have prayed to know what I was SUPPOSED to be doing and found out that God thinks I'm DOING what I'm supposed to be doing, in the place where I'm supposed to be, meeting the people I'm supposed to meet and all that. It is that kind of assurance that makes it ok that I'm sick as much as I am. THAT is what I'm supposed to be doing right now and as long as God is ok with that, so am I.

I hope that everyone else has this same assurance, no matter what path they're on. Their paths MUST be different because their challenges are different, what teaches them is different, what will bring them close to God is different. And isn't that wonderful??? God has a plan for each of us and it is OK and WONDERFUL that mine isn't the same as yours, because we are all different and that is a great, great thing.

The other thing that I think helps these thoughts is a gratitude checklist...that is being grateful for all that you are given, all that you ARE, all that you know will be coming to you. Finding that within yourself is HOPE and that is what will take away these thoughts and keep them away.

I hope this helps a little.

[natickgirl]

Thanks, Erudite. Those are powerful words & attitudes to live by.

[missypoohsticks]

I find myself doing this sometimes and when I think back, it is because at some point someone, most often a woman, has told me that I wasn't doing something the way that they thought it needed to be done.
This has only happened a handful of times to me, but I see it showing up much later when I am trying to do something along the same lines. (If this makes any sense...)
I think the biggest thing to remember is that WE are in charge of US and WE know what is best for US. Keep in mind that we are much harder on ourselves because we know the private us and only see the public version of others.
And along the lines of what I was saying earlier, just because we aren't doing something the way that someone else would do it or the way that they think we should, doesn't mean that it is wrong.

[5ft Diva]

Dia, I completely understand where you are coming from.

She is different than you. Has different priorities, different talents, different life style. It isn't like you want to be like her and change your priorities, talents or life style, but for some reason she makes you feel like your priorities, talents and life style are not as good as hers.

When I feel like this I have to stop and take inventory. Now, this may be a backwards way of thinking, but it's my thinking nonetheless. And I only think like this when I'm starting to wonder why I feel like something is wrong w/ me and I know that I'm perfectly fine the way I am. True, Satan would have you feel less about yourself whenever he can. But sometimes the women who you think have it all together (for lack of a better phrase) are the very same women who don't feel like they have it all together. I find that in search of this same feeling for themselves they present their lifestyles to everyone around them as if their's is the only way to go about life. DO NOT BUY INTO THIS. I don't mean that other people can make us feel a certain way, I mean that sometimes women overcompensate when they feel inadequate about themselves so they come across strongly, thus, leaving some of us to wonder if there is any room in this life for our own methods, and I'm wondering if that is a little bit of what you are feeling. Understanding this allows me to not own how other people are feeling about themselves.

The other thought I have is that Satan has power over you when you are down. He recognizes when you have had a weak moment. For me, sometimes that weak moment is having a bad interaction w/ a close friend or family member and I am left feeling sad and upset inside trying to figure out how to better the situation. Sometimes the weak moment is caused by not seeing the sun enough. Sometimes the weak moment is caused by harsh words spoken by myself to a child or spouse. Sometimes the weak moment is caused by harsh words being spoken to myself by a child or spouse.

My point is that whatever the cause, know that Satan recognizes when your guard is down and he will take advantage of that. It is imperative then to continually fill your spiritual bucket however you choose to do so so that you have reserves when you feel unworthy or just simply less worthy than you thought you were. It is imperative to fill your mental bucket in whatever way works best for you during your up times so that you have the knowledge to help you get through those down times. It is imperative to fill your emotional bucket in whatever way works best for you (mine is processing w/ BS and close friends) so that when you are experiencing a weak moment you are best able to understand your own emotional needs so as not to become vulnerable. It is also very important to fill our social bucket so that when we are feeling down we recognize a trusted friend to turn to in our time of need and know that they can handle our "burden". I hope this makes sense. I don't think it is so much knowing who you are right now (this life is about understanding who we are) as it is staying on the path to finding out who Heavenly Father intends for us to be so we can fulfill obligations made long ago and that is done by continually building ourselves up on the good days so that we can tap into the reserves on those bad days. (Don't underestimate the Atonement in this process.)

You're doing great, we all are. I am amazed at the strength I receive from the women (and men) I associate with on this website. I know there are many people who just come here to read, and that is great, but I want those of you who respond and add to these discussions to know that you help me be a better person because of my interaction with you.

Thank you, Dia, for this topic. It's a great one. I've enjoyed reading and learning.

[5ft Diva]

OH, here I am on here after midnight...I'm finding this is the only time I have to myself. Oh, well. Anyway, Dia, another thought.

Governing values. These are the values that determine the decisions you make at every moment in every day. When I have a concrete idea of what my governing values are (and this is an on-going process because priorities change) and I am living in line w/ them then I am at peace with where I'm at and what I'm doing regardless of other people's choices. I know this is a completely different thought than my first one and in the completely different direction, but you know me....analyze from every angle.

You haven't responded to this thread so I'm guessing I'm beating a dead horse, but I just thought I'd add this final thought anyway.

[Dia Minha]

Your not beating a dead horse. I'm still reading.

[Erudite]

I have been thinking about this thread a lot and have had several thoughts from various sources come my way that I think are appropriate and right to share.

First, in Elder Maxwell's book Notwithstanding My Weakness, he gives 15 "tactical tests" to help us see where we are on the paths God would have us be on. Here are a two of them that I thought related to this thread.
1. "True spirituality helps us to achieve balance between being too content with our present self and the equally dangerous human tendency we might have of wishing for more enlarged and impactful roles." There's a straight and narrow path and it includes improvement for who we are without including reaching beyond the mark for what someone else needs to be.
8. "When someone seems to surpass us spiritually and does "our thing" even better than we, can we genuinely rejoice and give them heartfelt and sincere praise and sustain them? Can we not come to understand that God's perfect love for each of us is eternal and unchanging and that He has prepared a place for each of us which, if we are righteous, will not be given to another? Against that promise, how important are mortal organization charts?"

Now, take those two "tests" and add another one that 5D shared with me not too long ago. "What demands am I making of myself that the Lord is not making of me?" I often take notes of conversations with 5D because she is inspired in what she shares with me and I'd written that down at the top of a planner page. That question has been a tremendous new guide in what I am choosing to do with my time, with my energies, and even with my thoughts. It is particularly relevant to this thread because if we compare ourselves to others and feel some kind of lack, asking this question of ourselves promptly negates the lack and I think even fills us up more. We are doing SO MUCH to feel good about and to feel important about. God is pleased with those efforts while still helping us to improve in our lives. But the measuring stick for improvement needs to come from God and not from those around us.

Finally, Elder Perry's talk in the last GC is about simplicity. I was struck in reviewing that talk how the stresses of life can also throw us off kilter and even off the path. MPS's post above about other women criticizing is a good example...the lack of feeling good about one's self is coming from all the stress we put on ourselves. Elder Perry suggests that more simplicity is needed to find peace, to find strength, to feed our spirits, and care for our eternal natures. Take Elder Perry's comments with 5D's question and you have a profound new way of looking at what you're doing and why and seeing it in a bright new light as magnificent and wonderful.

I am SO grateful for my illness in this. I am forced into "quiet" and forced into reflection...oh don't get me wrong, I can still fight against and work myself into exhaustion, but if I choose to slow down when my body says it is time to slow down, I have that much more time for listening and de-stressing and re-evaluating what I do and how I do it. Elder Perry's discussion of finding a quiet time/place has value far beyond just reducing the stresses of our lives.

Well, I hope that helps a little bit. I don't know if you were looking for a way to adjust your thinking or just needed to vent a little bit. I'm always searching for ways to adjust my thinking, so that's where my thoughts went. I hope it's ok for me to weigh in again.

[Dia Minha]

I'm not ignoring any posts here I am just processing. I really liked that talk too Erudite.

[5ft Diva]

Ugh! I just had a moment today, Dia, and I felt exactly like this. I have been doing just fine and I was feeling great, and then I saw ______. (It wasn't so much who I saw but more the type of interaction we had.) The feeling of being knocked off onto my behundy literally came out of nowhere and I felt like I was hit by a one ton truck, which unfortunately, made another interaction shortly after this one frustrating. I was so bothered that I didn't have what it took to just shake it off and it took a couple of hours before I could stop feeling like I was totally shaken off my core....if that makes sense. Anyway, I feel your pain as this happened to me today. I know that on any other day I would not have cared what vibe was being sent out by this person but, for some reason, today I did. Since getting back on my feet I can't help feeling like, "What in the world was the matter w/ me?! Haven't I ever seen someone who's sent out bad vibes before?" It really annoyed me that I let it get to me. Double Ugh!

[natickgirl]

Oh, 5ft, I SO know what you mean. I'm sorry you had a tough time. The way I see it, we're all caught off guard in weak moments from time to time...that is human nature. I guess the goal would be to figure out what made us react so negatively, and try to improve next time. The key word is improve, not react perfectly. It is unrealistic to think it will never happen again...but if I react less strongly or less frequently, then I am making progress.

[Dia Minha]

I'm sorry you had this experience Diva. It is comforting to know that I am not the only woman who has ever felt this way, but it sadens me to hear others stories.

It makes me wonder if these women that we compare ourselves to, feel the same way. I wish I was brave enough to ask.

Great imput Natick. This is something I have tried and tried to accomplish, because my first reaction is to eat away all the bad feelings. I have strived to change my reaction so that I can get through an incident without eating. I'm not perfect and I have had plenty of setbacks, but I continuely strive to change my feelings, thoughts and reactions.