What would you do?

[Mamallama]

Hypothetically speaking, what would you do if a very attractive outgoing married woman in your church circle seemed to be overly interested in your dh? And rarely speaks to You even when you try to make converstation with her. You've shared your concern with your dh but yet he still associates with this person because of church callings etc... you trust your husband and yet the association bothers you.... What would you do???

[Dia Minha]

I'm very interested to hear what others think about this.

I would probably just get upset at my husband. Especially if he would answered her calls on Mondays (I mean even the Bishop gets Mondays off) or if I would find out they had traveled in the same car together for activities. I would most likely turn into a very jealous wife when I would notice all the emails that would come through from her and of course most would be ones that would be sharing information about callings or other matters that I couldn't know, so it wouldn't be like I could read them and you know, make sure. Now that is what I would probably do, but what I most likely should do is a completely different matter. I probably should set boundaries with my husband and this women. Let him know there will be no phone calls from her on Monday or during his working hours, even if he is home. My husband would also need to know that he is not to be in a vehicle with her, even if there is other people in the car. And if there is a concern about the contents of emails than my husband would need to let this lady know that all emails he receives will automatically be forward to all concern like other members of the committee or Bishopric etc. At least than I would know that I couldn't read it, but that someone else was. If the problem continues or even if my DH is still following all the "rules" and I am still feeling uncomfortable, it might be time to get the Bishop involved. At least talk to him about my concerns and see how he feels. He would be able to council with the Lord about releasing one or the other if he felt it was neccesary.

[Erudite]

hmm. My DH would already know and follow all those rules, though sometimes men can be a bit oblivious so a gentle reminder might be in order, especially on the car thing. But for the most part, I trust my DH, I trust our relationship. I wouldn't worry.

Though...hmmmm...while I'm not that attractive, I am very outgoing and I talk easily with both men and women. I have found that some men are very uncomfortable with my easy familiarity and thus I can see how their wives might also be uncomfortable with it. Don't mistake the need to be around people for the need to be around one person. I occasionally needed a ride home from church after meetings and occasionally had to get that ride from a man. It was never comfortable, but always appreciated (I was pregnant and couldn't just walk home and then, for DH to come and get me meant reloading the car with the other kids).

I'd say you should invite her and her husband for dinner and develop a relationship with both the husband and the wife. Seeing them as a pair should also alleviate your concern.

[5ft Diva]

Hypothetically speaking, I have no idea what I'd do. Honestly, I don't have a clue. You've done everything I thought of so I don't know what there is left to do except pray the woman out of the ward or her or my husband out of his calling. But I guess that's not very helpful.

[natickgirl]

Hypothetically speaking, I'd probably open my big mouth and complain to DH. Then I'd probably ask my bosom friend in the ward (in confidence) if she has noticed anything about it, so I would know if it's just me being a jealous & overly cautious wife, or if there is more to it. [She is NOT a gossip....she would answer honestly, and it would stay between us.] Perhaps the woman is "overly interested" in other men in the ward, too.

IF there is more to it, I'd probably try to get DH to talk to the bishop about it. If he isn't willing to, I'd talk to the bishop. (If youre DH is the bishop, I don't know what to tell you.....)

[Mamallama]

I tried to post and then lost my post.....and didn't have a chance to rewrite for a while....

Thanks for your thoughts and ideas! I appreciate your responses! I like 5D's idea but in the meantime should probably try to be mature and follow ER's advice and invite the couple over.....but I'm not at that stage....would have to pray for a desire to do so, 'cause as of now I have no desire to associate......
I agree with you Dia that when working in a calling or even in one's employment, if one works with a member of the opposite sex, it's a good idea to set boundaries as to what's appropriate and what's not. In my 'hypothetical' case here, the calling doesn't actually require THAT much contact, but it seems that 'excuses' are made by the one party for more contact than necessary....Sigh....and NG, I also did what you hypothetically would do and asked a close friend what she thought......had a friend in town for a visit and very privately mentioned it....she observed....and let me know she thought there was reason for concern....Now that doesn't make me feel better
It's sort of subtle---so I can't directly confront-----can't really ask for release----as I think it wouldn't matter----It's not him that's doing anything wrong----I'm just bothered by her end----

I have such an ugly feeling in my heart that I want to get rid of ASAP but just don't know how!

[Big_Sissy]

As a man, my suggestion is to tell you DH to put a stop to it ASAP if he wants to continue living happily in this life

I'm sure he (DH) enjoys the attention (we all do), but I really think it's his job to stop the hypothetical situation. Knowing your spouse, I know he's not the problem, but he is the target of the problem, which means he needs to stop it.

[Mamallama]

Thank you Big Sissy. Your advice helped me a ton. I guess I kind of needed validation/permission from someone that it is okay for me to ask that of him. I did so last night, he agreed----a test run situation already occurred today and it went well. I feel SO much better, like a huge burden has been lifted. Hopefully it stays that way.

[Big_Sissy]

Glad to be some help. I'm hopeful all will go well. You certainly have a great DH, and I know he'll take care of you.

[Mamallama]

Yes he really is a great guy. I'm grateful to have such a wonderful husband! Thanks again everyone for all your help. Things are going much better now!!

[5ft Diva]

Yeah!!!!!!