Challenge Update

[Dia Minha]

I just wanted to inform all you ladies that I accomplished part of my challenge I extended a while ago. Something that Erudite said yesterday really clicked with me and when I was getting into the shower last night I took the time to really look at myself. This is what I saw.

I have beautiful hair. It is easy to do and looks nice even when it has gotten "mussed up". I have lovely almond shaped eyes that are not to big or to small, unless you count that they have a tendency to disappear when I smile. I don't need a lot of makeup. I have very straight teeth, thanks to my mom and dad, that are also the perfect size for my face. I have great posture. I am very well proportioned. I maybe a little plump, but I am plump in all the right places. In other words, I have a very nice body shape.

Ok now it's your turn. Even if you haven't taken the time to admire yourself in the mirror share with us what is it that you like about the way you look?

[5ft Diva]

Okay, I'll give this a try. I have nice skin, really nice skin and my face is nicely proportioned. I love my toes, BS always teases me about how little they are but I love them. But on a deeper level, I have the ability to look into someone's eyes and see into their soul and I like that I can do that. I enjoy that I can see much more to a person than meets the eye.

This was hard, Dia. But thanks for encouraging me to appreciate and acknowledge my positive qualities.

[runamyrun]

Okay, this is hard because I am my worst critic. It is easier for me to notice the good qualities in others.

I feel that my body is just right. It isn't perfectly toned, but I feel that it is just right for me. I don't know if that makes sense. I also feel that I look good without makeup or doing much with my hair. I know I could add to my looks if I did those things, but I feel that I am fine the way I am. I also appreciate that people accept me that way, too. I love that I am in good shape. It makes me feel healthy (even though I am eating chips right now!). And I love that I tend to be positive and happy most of the time!

[bookworm]

Well, it's a good thing you didn't ask us to consider ourselves in the mirror before accepting this challenge today, cuz I look like I ran into a 2x4! Under my left eye and my lower left cheek are yellowy and icky. I also don't really look like myself with swollen-jaw going on

Anyway, I love my blue eyes. I really love them. I wish my children had them. I also love that everything inside is functioning as it should- like my thyroid, heart, liver, etc. all that has been tested lately and I'm actually very healthy. This isn't physical, but I love that people come to me for advice. My closest friends and my sisters and brothers like to talk to me. It feels very good. I hope I'm as good a listener as I think I am. I love that I am logical and intelligent, and that I'm really good in a crisis. I don't faint when the kids slice themselves open, for example.

That was kind of fun! I've been really making the effort to focus on the positive lately (about myself) and it does make a difference. But I don't want to go anywhere until my face is back to normal!!! Adam pointed out that I could cover the bruising with makeup, but I'm like Amy- I don't like to wear very much.

Thanks, Dia. You ladies are just amazing!!

[Erudite]

Wow. This is so uplifting! Thanks so much for sharing all about you guys! You are all amazing!!! I kinda already shared my positive physical characteristics in another forum, but today I have lipstick on and I like my lips. I think they're beautiful. I also have always liked my hands. I have nice long fingers and that makes my hands feel graceful to me and I love the feeling of gracefulness. Now that I've given up on ever having long hair, I really like my hair too. It's short and cute and generally looks good.

I like that I can think things through and come up with a different solution than most have considered. I also like that I can take several ideas and put them together into a complete idea.

This was kinda hard for me....I think I need to improve on liking me more than I thought. Nearly everything I started to type almost immediately came with a "but you didn't do that last week..." thought. But it's a good opportunity to think it through. Thanks Dia!

[5ft Diva]

RAR, you're funny! I laughed about you eating the chips part.

BW, I think you should sport your new look and just tell everyone that you used your sweet numchuck skills to ward off three burglars in a dark parking lot one night and that they look worse than you do. They just might believe ya, and you may even make the paper! What do ya think?

[Dia Minha]

Hey, Ladies, you're doing great.

There is one thing that has me a little puzzled. I gave the assignment of listing the things you liked about the way you looked. Each of you listed a few things you liked about your appearance and then added something that you liked about yourself in general. When I was first posting this I found myself doing the same thing. I felt the need to add all the things I liked about my personality and talents. Yet, the assignment was to list the things we liked about the way we look, only.

I have a couple of theories of why this might be. However, I wanted to know what you thought about this first. Why is it so hard for us to just list the things we like about the way we look?

Dia

[Erudite]

Peer pressure. Everyone else did, so I added my general characteristics too. In fact it would have been easier to stop with looks.

[5ft Diva]

This is a two-part-post, and....you may get more than you bargained for. There's my explanation and then there's the story to explain why I feel this way.

Disclaimer: I am not judging those who focus on their own appearance. This is just how I feel about myself and how I relate to others. There is nothing wrong with focusing on your own appearance. Let me say that again, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FOCUSING ON YOUR OWN APPEARANCE. And one more time for good measure just so this doesn't get taken out of context in any way: there is nothing wrong with focusing on your own appearance.

Having said that, I feel superficial only focusing on my appearance. I wanted everyone to know there was more to me than what I see in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I like to look good when I walk out of the house, it's just that my looks are not as important to me as the other ares of my life. I simply listed the things about me that I value and that's my innards and what makes them tick.

Now, let me tell you a little story about BS and me when we were married for about 7 years. We were talking at the dinner table (it was Thanksgiving dinner at his mom's house) and somehow the conversation turned to why he married me. He was saying that in the beginning he only married me because I was hot. Nothing else. (At this point I thought he was joking.) Then, he jokingly said that there was a window of time where if my personality was uglier than my looks he would have divorced me but now my personality outweighed my looks and he was hooked; even if I were to be 500 lbs. he was here to stay because he finally loved my personality more than he loved my looks. At this point, I realized that he wasn't joking.

I looked at him and said, "Is that true, you really only married me for my looks? You didn't care if I was smart? You didn't care if you really knew me?"

He looked at me and said, "Yep, the only reason I married you was because you were hot," and he was dead serious.

At that point, BS represented every person in my life who had never seen me as a daughter of God. Now, I understand because of our human nature that not everybody has seen me for who I really am, and I haven't always seen others for who they really are but, there was something different about hearing it this time from my husband and I didn't like it.

Any of you familiar w/ the term defining moment? Well, for me, this was a life defining moment, and from that point on I decided that that was the last time that would ever happen on my watch. Since then, it's been very important to me to "look upon the heart" and for others to look upon my heart.

[Dia Minha]

Makes sense Diva. Thanks for your insights.

I agree there is nothing wrong with focusing on your appearance. It is when it becomes all about the way you look that it becomes a problem. I guess I wouldn't have even thought that this assignment would be considered "focusing on your appearance". To me it was just one step in accepting me as I am.

The reason I choose to do that in this assignment was I was having a hard time accepting the way I looked. I'm always wishing I wore a smaller size or that I was a few inches taller, or my hair was lighter, my teeth whiter, or that I actually had a waist. I was letting these things that I wanted to change affect who I was. And because it was all negative, I found myself finding the negative in other people. I needed to change my focus to the things I liked instead of the things I wanted different, if I was going to be able to see the good in everyone else.

It is like what Mama quoted on another thread talking about the same concept:

"One of the largest contributing factors to your ability to freely enjoy other people depends upon how much you enjoy your SELF....how much you are able to accept yourself"

Dr Joan Borysenko says:
"Accept yourself as you are. (Fat thighs, big nose, mistakes, health concerns, back pain, or other physical limitations notwithstanding) This means more than a grudging realization that you'll never again be some way that you used to be or some way that you wish to be. Acceptance means actually honoring yourself as you are now....This allows you to stop judging yourself negatively, which invariably brings forth feelings of blame, shame, guilt, or fear and escalates the cycle of anxiety and tension."

Dia

[bookworm]

Well, I guess I agree with Erudite. I just did it cuz that's where it looked like everyone was going. And I guess I didn't really GET that the assignment was limited to physical appearance only. I am whole with who I am, I have a hard time separating it when I'm looking for positives. Also, I feel limited in what I LOVE about my physical body at the moment. I accept and love myself, but I'm not satisfied with certain physical things...

[5ft Diva]

Amen, Sister!

Dia, your post was so uplifting. Thanks for the positive perspective.