self-esteem vs self-image

[Dia Minha]

There is a long running term called a "bad hair day". I'm sure we have all used it at one time or another. I'm sure that we have all had one of those misserable, no good days that all stems back to the way our hair turned out that morning. I so hope I am not alone in this.

So, I have gotten over the bad hair days. I had them really bad in junior high and high school. However, I think I can honestly say that now at this point in my life I do not let my hair get me down. My hair does not influence the way I feel about myself. It does not affect the way I act toward and around others.

On the other hand, I am right smack in the middle of a bunch of "bad body years". For those of you that are there with me, how do you overcome your self-image so that it does not affect the way you act toward and around others?. How do you overcome the way you feel about your body so that you can put on a swimming suit and enjoy a few hours at the pool with your children, without constantly thinking about how bad you look?

Dia

[smed]

Don't go swimming

Just kidden, In all reality I have no idea! Or- find someone at the pool that looks worse off than you (and strut your stuff) Hey I'm just kidden about all that! I thought it would be funny to share. Just enjoy yourself! You only live once.

I have no idea! what to tell you good luck!

[5ft Diva]

This is a good question, Dia. It sounds like you're in a rut w/ comparing yourself to others. The way I figure it (and don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean I don't have my own issues), is that there is always going to be someone else who is bigger, better, and badder at anything I do so if I'm constantly comparing myself to someone, I'll always find someone who is one upping me. That's just the way it is. Why set ourselves for failure? Like Smed said, you only live once, enjoy it!

I'm curious. Is this a recent thing that you're feeling a bit of insecurity about - your body and the pool, I mean - or have you always felt this way? I'm just curious, if it is new, then what's different? What has changed about the way you view yourself, others, or what not? Hope that makes sense.

[LostnFound]

At this point in my life I am not the weight that I am proud of, but I love to be outdoors and I love to swim at the local outdoor pool. This is what I do so I do not worry one tiny bit about how I look at the pool. Every time I go somewhere that a thought might come into my mind about my body image, I think "What if this were the last day that I was alive to spend with my children?" How would I spend it at the pool? I know that if it is the last day to spend with my children I would not even have a care in the world how I looked but I would only care about having a blast at the pool with my children and acting like a child myself.

I look at each of the outings with that perspective that I need to live my life to the fullest with my children. They don't care how I look. They just want me to go down the slide with them and watch all the tricks they can do.

Anyways that's just what works for me. Also I know if I am having a blast I am probably burning calories!!!! Yeah!!!

[5ft Diva]

Great point, LnF! I'll have to remember that one!

[Dia Minha]

This is something I have always struggled with. Even when I was at my lowest weight, I still struggled with body image. The guys I dated thought I looked wonderful. I just always thought I needed to loose ten pounds.

I think one of the reasons it has been so hard for me this summer is two summers ago I was just getting comfortable with my body after loosing 50lbs. Then, I got pregnant again. Last summer I had a baby so I had an excuse not to be better shape. Almost a whole year later I'm still struggling to loose the weight. I feel like I'm starting all over again. Not just with the weight loss struggle, but loving my body as well.

I did go to the pool yesterday and had a blast. I just used my anti-anxiety skills and anyone else there would have thought, I thought I was beautiful. I have gotten so good at pretending I look good, that sometimes I actually believe it. Amazingly attitude does count for a lot. Even if I don't feel like I look my best, I still try and act like I do, and other people believe it too.

Dia

[5ft Diva]

Sounds like you're on the right track!

[mxmama]

I do the same thing..... I like to think I am hot (cause my man still thinks I am) and it helps me overlook how bad I really feel about myself.


Another thing I did last summer his (my husband) company had a big convention at a fancy hotel and had all the cabanas rented outside by the pool....

Anyway, I had a bunch of cute accessories. I wore a black suite with a big fancy straw hat, big sun glasses, and leopard print bag with shoes that matched. I pranced around and thought I was so cute!

Really I probably looked like a gaudy cow.

I made a bunch of friends.

I owe it all too my accessories.
It may sound silly but it made me feel more dressed up.

[Erudite]

I just wanted to thank everyone for these ideas! They're great. I needed to hear them as I'm headed to a pool for the first time this summer tomorrow and I'm not exactly proud of my body at this time. But my kids won't care and I LOVE to swim so I off I go!

My thought on this is to practice standing up very straight and shoulders back, tummy sucked in. Everyone always looks better with good posture and you can add it to your list of ways to help yourself feel like you look great.

But I think we're too hard on ourselves and our physical appearance. If you CAN run around, swim around, slide around with your kids, pat yourself on the back and skip the worry about appearance!

[PhillyGirl]

I am with you on this one. I have always had a bad self image. Even when I was at my skinniest I thought that I needed to be smaller. There is always someone who looks smaller, better, etc. Now I would kill to have the body I once had. For the life of me I cannot be happy with what I have. I know it is my own problem and I need to get over it but I really don't know how. My husband thinks I look great and no body would call me fat; but I feel like a big fat blob. So I don't know what to say other than I know how you feel and it sucks.

[5ft Diva]

Well, sorry to state the obvious but, if you think you're fat, and you feel fat all the time, you will be. That's all you'll see. Start focusing on something that is good! And don't tell me you can't think of anything that isn't good.

[Dia Minha]

Diva, it is so true. If you take a look in the mirror and think fat, ugly, not good enough, then fat, ugly, and not good enough look right back at you. If you look in the mirror and think well rounded, well proportioned, beautiful skin, sparkling eyes, then well rounded, well proportioned, beautiful skin, and sparkling eyes looks right back at you.

So your assignment for today is to spend a little time in front of the mirror. Look at yourself negatively and see how it reflects on your face and posture. Then spend even a longer amount of time pointing out all the beautiful things you see and watch how your entire image changes. If you are feeling really brave it helps to do this in the nude. I know it's scary the first time, but after you get use to it, it gets easier. After today skip the negative. That is just so you can see difference, immediately, today. Every day after today skip right to pointing out all the positive things you see. You can always work up to the nude part. Try it first fully clothed, than maybe in a bathing suit. Trust me it works. (I had forgotten all about this assignment until I read everybodies posts today. I got to get it back on my daily schedule. )

Your husband will start noticing the difference in the way you look almost immediately. Once you get more comfortable with your body you will find yourself doing things without realizing it that your husband will love. Like undressing with the light on and coming out of the bathroom without your robe.

One thing I know I need to do is work harder on finding me a swimming suit that fits better. I need more support on top than most average swimming suits provide and I know I would be more comfortable if I had that. So your next assignment is to budget a new swimming suit or outfit that accents your positive physical attributes. If your budget is anything like mine this might take a few months. However, I'm setting up a challenge to each of you. Decide if it is a new bathing suit, or a new dress, or new pair of jeans and blouse and go for it. First one to accomplish this challenge will receive a prize. Nothing fancy, mind you.

Dia

[5ft Diva]

Mine is the pants! Thanks for the homework assignment, Dia. Self improvement is my game! How did BS and I ever get together?

[Erudite]

I just got back from the pool. It was a private pool so it was just a few people. I sucked in my gut when I got out of the water, but didn't worry about the rest. The kids don't care and the adults were too busy talking to each to pay any attention to me. I've recently lost just a few pounds and so I kept my mind focused on the fact that I was on my way down and getting exercise while playing with my kids, instead of the fact that my thighs are just ugly.

In 5D's thinking though...to balance my ugly thighs, I do have great legs below that. To balance my gut, I do have a slim rib cage area. My arms are floppy, but there is real muscle underneath. And *I* can dive backwards off a board. I'm the coolest, curvy Mom ever...and there's a lot of me to hug when they get dunked unexpectedly.

Thanks everyone for the good thinking about this!!

[5ft Diva]

This was a great pick-me-up, E. I'll have to remember your comments the next time I feel self conscious.

[Big_Sissy]

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

Mine is the pants! Thanks for the homework assignment, Dia. Self improvement is my game! How did BS and I ever get together?

Huh?

Oh, and you DO look very good in almost ALL pants. You have some of the most wonderfully smooth soft skin too.

[5ft Diva]

Okay, now that I'm embarrassed. I meant that the article of clothing I'd like to have fit me better, this would mean going out and purchasing something that fits me better...oh, and exercising. Where did the soft skin comment come from? That was totally random, although, very appreciated coming from you.

[Big_Sissy]

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

How did BS and I ever get together?

This is the huh?

[Big_Sissy]

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

Where did the soft skin comment come from? That was totally random, although, very appreciated coming from you.

Just something you need to remember when looking in the mirror. You have great skin. mmmm

[5ft Diva]

I think I'm actually blushing.