Disappearing Acts

Dia Minha · #1 10-20-2011, 11:25 AM

My 10 year old son is an expert at disappearing when there is work to be done. He is my number one complainer. He says we always work and I know to him it feels that way, because he works for five minutes and then disappears for a half an hour and then I hunt him down and he works for five minutes and disappears . . . . So long after everyone is done working, he is still working. I have tried working along beside him and generally that works, but days like today, when we all just want to play, because the kids are out of school, I just want the work done, so that we then can all go play. Any suggestions?

Things I have tried in the past:

Awarding activities for those who complete their chores in a timely manner. He misses these activities all the time and just doesn't seem to care.

I have tried doing the fun stuff first so that we have some play time and prove that we aren't always working. We have been trying to make play time a priority at our house, because we just haven't been very good at it lately. Mommy is always tired and there is always something that needs to be done, like right now.

I have tried to just keep better track of him and make sure he is where he is supposed to be, but he is goooooooooood at what he does and knows the moment I get sidetracked.

I constantly feel like I'm missing one of the main ingredients of helping him accomplish his tasks. Any one know what that might be?

Erudite · #2 10-20-2011, 04:36 PM

Wow. Are you sure we don't have the same set of kids? This totally describes my 8 yo DS. We're constantly after him to work independently to accomplish tasks and I haven't been nearly as creative or pro-active as you in attempting to figure it out.

My 15 yo DS is pretty good at most household tasks, but finishing his homework in a timely manner...totally a different story. And in his case, I can say I've tried nearly everything...the "nearly" is because I too haven't found the thing that will help him to help himself in this area.

Here's the only thought I had while I was typing and it's very 5D kind of thought and that is to change my prayers about these problems. I'm going to try that and report back. Would you like to join me?

Dia Minha · #3 10-21-2011, 10:37 AM

Yes! I would love to join you in that quest. I'm going to do this with my 12 year olds "put down" problem as well.

Erudite · #4 10-21-2011, 11:29 AM

My first report is that I've started blessing my son with COURAGE to do his homework. I don't know where the word came from because it doesn't seem like what is needed, but that word has come into my mind each time I've prayed about it.

**5ft Diva** · #5 10-27-2011, 01:01 PM

Courage....I like that idea, E! Very inspired - I'll post more about that somewhere else.

Dia, here's what I would do. Include him in on the solution finding. Ask him to pray about it and report back to you what he has come up with to help solve the problem. (If he feels it isn't a problem then you probably won't get much back from him, but I've always felt that when my kids are involved in the beginning stages of implementing something they are more motivated to change.)

Also, just some perspective. My 15 year old has earned grades far below his capabilities since the 4th grade and has had to be constantly reminded to do his chores. He started doing chores first thing after coming home from school last year and for the first time since the 4th grade is caring about his grades. My point is that sometimes the boys just need to grow out of their phase. Be patient and keep teaching them what you want them to know so that when they snap out of it they will know what to do.