Getting to the bottom it

[5ft Diva]

Just out of curiosity, on average, how long does it take you to get to the bottom of an issue with your child(ren) from grades to fighting? Sometimes I feel I spend too much time on it. Not that my kids aren't important, I just feel like there has to be a better way of helping my kids resolve problems w/o it taking up so much time. But maybe it's normal for issues to take a while. I don't know.... I'm not comparing myself to others, just the situations.

[Meticulous madness]

I'm curious about this, too. Doesn't anybody want to comment?

I actually missed this question the first time around, and just found it and noticed that it had no responses - thought I'd post my "second" to the question...

[bookworm]

Honestly, I don't know how to answer because I'm not sure I totally understand the inquiry. I don't usually dig too deeply- if the kids are fighting, we take care of the big obvious elephant in the room first- HUNGER!- and usually after that things are easier to resolve. The second problem is usually TIRED, which can't always be solved quickly, but when the kids are having a problem getting along, separating them and letting them cool down seems to be effective. Then a moment of one-on-one time with me and they usually open up and tell me if something deeper is bothering them.

Maybe I've been lucky that nothing deeper is usually going on than just hungry, tired or lazy. When the grades dropped this year, the kids didn't seem to be having any specific deeper problem than just small things- my kids talk A LOT and about everything, so I understood pretty quickly that DS#1 didn't like Spanish anymore and that's why he had stopped trying. In the course of the conversation, during which I tried VERY hard not to lecture, just to listen and validate, he told me about the teacher favoring certain kids and unfairly disciplining the boys in the class. I immediately understood the problem with that grade.

I guess with my kids it all comes down to our relationship. We haven't really ever had any deep, ongoing problems that I had to dig and dig and dig to find out what the source was. They tell me so much about everything that I don't feel like I need to go any deeper.

I would say, listen to the spirit and don't read too much into things. If they are fighting a lot- are they not eating a good breakfast? Are they not getting enough sleep? Are they feeling unfairly treated by their parents? Are they bored? Etc... if it's grades-- well, that can go deeper, but it's up to your child to talk to you- is someone bullying them? Is a teacher scary? Is the subject too hard? etc... the bottom line is, if your child feels safe talking to you, hopefully it shouldn't take too long to figure out what's really going on. And if you don't feel like you're getting the answer you need, maybe it's time to change the questions your asking?

Just my thoughts... sorry if it isn't help ful...

[5ft Diva]

Interesting insight, BW. I've never thought to come from the angle of my children being hungry. I should as I know it affects me more.

For those of you who do deal w/ deeper issues, how long does it take you?

[Dia Minha]

About 42 miles.

Again I'm talking about my Trek youth. I found it very interesting that the harder the trail got, the more they were willing to open up and talk to me. We had one young man in our group that just seemed angry and frustrated at everything that was going on. After the women's pull he calmed down a little and his attitude started to change. Then on the last mile we had an opportunity for an hour of family quite time and we took the chance to have a family testimony meeting. He really opened up to us, about all the difficulties he was having at home and all the sudden everything that had happened the last four days made so much more sense.

[5ft Diva]

Okay, so we just went from one extreme to the other. I guess that just means that it's all over the map.