I'm done!

[5ft Diva]

This is truly a random topic and one that I don't know if many of you will appreciate, but I really wanted to just say how relieving it is to know I'm done having kids. Not relieving because I don't want to have anymore, just relieving because I can put my mental energy elsewhere. I was just explaining to Dia Minha the other day how I've felt this the older my daughter becomes. I love this feeling! The older my kids become the more I have wanted to enjoy life with them and really experience life with them. I felt like I couldn't do that when I was thinking about having the next one...you all know what I mean don't you? Anyway, just wanted to put that out there. I know it may seem like I'm talking to talk, but I'm not. I really wanted to just share this and know how the rest of you feel about being done w/ this part of your life - those of you who are. Were you sad when you knew you were done having children? Were you happy? Did you know right away or were you like me and it took almost two years to figure it out?

[bookworm]

Good topic! I think I knew pretty quickly after DD was born that she was the last. I felt... finished. It was interesting to me-- for a long time I didn't even have the slightest interest in holding babies, which is out of character for me. I just felt no interest. Now I love holding the babies again, but I don't feel "baby hungry" at all.

I prayed hard about it, I felt some guilt for "only" having four kids and wanted to be sure that the Lord and I were on the same page. I asked the Lord to please inspire me to know if I was to have another. I truly felt comfortable and like a chapter had closed for me.

Most of the time, I'm really happy about this. I'm like you, Diva, I enjoy shifting my focus and moving forward with my kids. I'm trying to enjoy every stage of their lives (though sometimes I look forward to the quiet house in my future), and I don't really miss them being babies. BUT once in a while I'm slightly sad about being done. My sister just followed my pattern of three boys and now a baby girl, and her baby girl is DARLING, and I love seeing my kids with the little kids-- I think from time to time how much fun it would be to have a baby around with teenagers. My boys love little kids and it would be really fun now, but I still feel done.

One other thing that crosses my mind is that my DD won't ever have a sister, but I'm resigned to that. I would probably have 4 more boys trying to "get" a girl, and I don't think that's the plan for me.

I am sad that my first baby is now nearing 15 years old. Yikes... where did the time go??? But I'm having such a good time with him now that I wouldn't go back even if I could. Every stage has great, wonderful things, and I just want to live it!

Oh, and I totally understand the feeling of everything on hold while you're planning for, preparing for, carrying and caring for a new baby. It takes over the house, which is great, but it's also nice to feel done with that. Wait until you throw away that LAST diaper. Now that's a great feeling...

[runamyrun]

DH and I have always wanted 4 kids, until we had our first two. Then we thought 3 would be perfect, mainly for selfish and silly reasons. When our third was born, I knew we still needed one more. While pregnant with our fourth, I was sad thinking that I would only have one more baby. I really thought I would miss it. Ironically, being done has brought relief! I feel like my life with my kids and hubbie has been on hold, while I have been almost always pregnant or nursing. Oh, and I LOVE getting rid of my baby stuff.

[natickgirl]

My DH & I always thought we'd have 4 or 5 children. After our third, it was never felt right to have another. It took a few years to realize that our family was complete with "only" 3 children. I think four would be easier, because with 3 there is always an odd one out, but 3 is what we have.

I have the smallest family out of all of my friends, and I initially felt guilty for having "only" 3, but I know that it is right for us. I have learned not to judge others for the number of children they do or do not have.

I am sad that my son doesn't have a brother, and for a while I considered having one more just so he could have a little brother. But, then I realized that the baby would be 6-7 years younger than my next oldest (and might not even be a boy). I didn't want a "caboose", but I also didn't want to go throught 2 more pregnancies in my mid-30's. Bottom line: 3 is good for us.

Like BW, for years I had no desire to hold anyone else's baby. Now I can hold them & enjoy them because I am no longer comparing my baby to theirs. (Admit it, we all do it!) While I really enjoyed being pregnant and having infants & toddlers, I wouldn't go back! I love not having to worry about forgetting the diaper bag, midnight feedings, strollers, nap times, or wondering if my brain would turn to mush from listening to baby talk and watching too much Teletubbies.

My body is my own again. I can leave the kids home for an hour or two and know the are OK. We can take long road trips without constant whining, crying, or diaper changing. (We made it to St. George without stopping for the 1st time last November!) And, I can have interesting & intelligent conversations with them...at least with my 12 yr old. I am actually looking forward to the teenage years.

[runamyrun]

I understand how you felt about having "only" a certain number of kids. Sometimes I have felt that with with my four. We have one boy and 3 girls, and for a brief moment I thought about trying for one more boy, but I feel our family is complete. Also, I figure that we probably wouldn't end up with another boy with the first try anyway! I think it is great that we are all different, and that for some it is right to have a lot of kids, and for others it is right to have fewer.

I am so looking forward to being out of the diaper stage. I have recently realized that I have a year or less to go! Maybe I can buy a really cute purse, because I will no longer have to carry our bulky diaper bag!

Really, I think each stage of life has great moments. I am trying to enjoy each stage as we are in it, but at the same time I look forward to the next!

[5ft Diva]

Oh, my goodness! Can you imagine what would happen if we decided to try for another girl?!

[Erudite]

I felt we were done with me being pregnant after our 4th was born, but I have never quite given up the thought that we might have other children in our family, though I wouldn't be pregnant with them. Sometimes I intensely miss not having another baby and then I pull myself together and wonder how on Earth I could do the baby stage again. Fibromyalgia is so unpredictable, that babies would just be out of the question...plus, I can't physically have any more. But that doesn't mean that more children couldn't join our family in other ways. I have pushed Heavenly Father on that in the sense that I say "I'm totally open to that, Lord, but You'll have to tell DH" because DH is not open to that. I've mentioned adoption to him a couple of times and he just lets it float away.

Anyway, I'm like the rest of you...mostly enjoying my children in their different stages. Our youngest will turn 7 in two weeks. My goodness, time flies! I'm not enjoying our teenager as much as I'd hoped to, mostly because he seems to be trying to choose stuff that will make his life difficult. Is that just what they do? (new thread in that question!) And now I'm so busy I don't know how I'd handle any more children, especially children I hadn't raised; they'd come with habits and thoughts that I had nothing to do with, which would make things difficult at first, but not insurmountable. BUT this isn't the time for that; I know that. But that doesn't stop my heart from hurting to hear all the terrible stories of children in distress and wishing I could take on just a few more so they'd never be hurt anymore...you know?

[5ft Diva]

Yes, I do know! I'm still done, though. (Sorry....)

[natickgirl]

When I was a foster care caseworker, I always thought about taking in some of those kids when I quit working. However, now that I have children of my own, I would NEVER consider introducing them to the problems & issues facing foster children. Perhaps when all my children are grown and gone... Probably not, though, because then I'll be into the grandparenting years. I feel so bad for children in foster care, but I'm not Christian enough to bring their problems into my home.

My oldest will graduate in 5 years! Then college & mission. I know he will require a lot of guidance & attention as he navigates the teenage years, just because of his personality and penchant for testing limits. I think my middle child will do OK no matter what, but I don't want her to overlooked as I often was growing up. My youngest is already proving the need of much attention & direction. I think Heavenly Father knew me & my children well enough to know that adding even one more would have significant consequences on the others. At this point, I can't help but feel a little panicked that I only have 10 more years until I am an "empty nester." I need to make these next 10 years the best they can be for my children.