Keeping your Cool

[5ft Diva]

How do you keep your cool when your buttons have been pushed? How do you do this especially w/ your spouse and kids (as they are easy to get angry w/ the fastest)? What cool down methods do you use? How long did it take you before you were really able to abandon old habits after using these methods to feel like you really changed? Do you still slip up every once in a while? How do you move on rather than beat yourself up when you do do this?

[PhillyGirl]

Sometimes I just have to walk away. If it is my daughter than I will put her on timeout as calmly as possible and give us both some time to cool off. Of course, I still blowup sometimes; but that is life. I just know that I try my best and I will try harder tomorrow if I "failed" today.

[Erudite]

How about we "hide" the buttons? I don't know that I have a specific solution for me for all your questions, but as I read the questions again, I thought...we shouldn't have the buttons in the first place. By that I mean, it isn't "cooling down" time that we may need to work on, but "heating up" in the first place. If we know what our buttons are, perhaps it is those that need the work.

If the button is the fact that the kids drop their coats and boots and gloves at the front door so that everyone else has to trip over them coming or going (a common event at our house) make sure there is a place provided that those things can be put away. I find that my kids do that only when the coat hooks are full, so we put stuff away so that they can put stuff away. Thus the button itself is removed.

I guess what I'm saying is that if we search for solutions BEFORE we're mad, we're more likely to avoid being mad in the first place. And the more that works, the faster it takes effect. Hope that helps!

[5ft Diva]

I see your point, E, prevention is key. But sometimes there are people who choose to be difficult and you really can't get away from them so then what? Particularly for moms this happens. I was talking to my SIL last night who was saying that one of the reasons we, as mothers, sometimes struggle w/ disciplining is because we're already emotionally attached to the situation where as Dad can just walk in the room, spout off a command and they listen. When she said that it rung true to me because that has happened to me on many occasions. I guess the key here is learning how to separate my emotions from what is going on at the time. Boy, that's a big order!

[5ft Diva]

So, keeping your cool - or as has been suggested here, not getting heated up in the first place - has to do with staying objective. This is hard for me. I wonder what attaches me emotionally in the first place. Hmmm...this is a good question. I can see that if I could stay objective, I would be able to see from the outside-in.

[Erudite]

Well, one thought goes back to re-direction. You can do that to adults too. You do it when you can hear gossip coming. You pre-empt with a compliment so that the negative either won't come or will sound wrong when it does. Or you find a way to change the subject.

Another thought is hiding the buttons by putting a specific goal in place. (You SO need that book I'm getting your for your b-day!) If your goal is one that is right for the SITUATION, keep that in mind and work toward the goal without letting the buttons be worried about. Emotions are attached to a person, not a situation, but a situation has come up and you as the Mom now need to determine how you will bless your children with your response, whether that is snapping off a command or tickling a child who desperately needs it. But...I don't need to tell you this. No one is better at this than you...and I learned all this profound advice I'm dispensing from you too!

[5ft Diva]

Are you being serious? Who knew?! I seriously think you may have me mixed up with one of your other friends.

I was doing homeschooling w/ my son today and usually I get short-tempered w/ him because when he doesn't understand something or doesn't get the answer right, he always finds a way to blame me for it (running away from responsibility). Anyway, today I just kept a "tape recorder" playing in the back of my head, "My number one job is to teach him Math and it's not my fault if he doesn't understand it. All I can do is help him connect the dots, I can't make him." I said it over and over again. It really helped, not once did I get frustrated with him. In fact, there were many times he was avoiding responsibility and I just calmly redirected him to the matter at hand. Oh, how I wish I could do that all the time!

BTW, E. I can't wait to get that book! I'm reading one right now called Power vs. Force that I hope will help me and I'm sure it will be a stepping stone to the one you're giving me. It will be a good goal to have the one I'm reading now finished by my b-day and it may take that long to finish it; it's kind of a hard read because there's a lot of scientific mumbo jumbo in it. Hopefully that's all out of the way by the first chapter and doesn't go on and on til the end.

[Big_Sissy]

So you are reading power vs force eh? I thought you dug it out for me???

[5ft Diva]

I did, just don't lose my book mark. I would love it if you read this w/ me so we could discuss it together.

[Big_Sissy]

Hey now, that's just crazy talk We might could do that.

[5ft Diva]

Well, this discussion could certainly add to our other discussions regarding Wayne Dyer. Oh man, don't tease me w/ this whole idea of discussing this book together. You know how that turns me on!

[Big_Sissy]

Would you STOP it already!!! You're making me nervous!

[5ft Diva]

Originally Posted by Big_Sissy

Would you STOP it already!!! You're making me nervous!

Oh, c'mon. It's fun to watch you squirm. I'll stop, though. You can have your purse back.

[Big_Sissy]

Well, thank you. I missed it while it was gone

[Meticulous madness]

Oh...SSSSTOP!!! you guys are TOO CUTE (now I'm blushing)! ehehee.

BS - I love your ticker, btw.

[Big_Sissy]

Thanks and don't worry, I headed her off at the pass with my purse. I've got it safely back

[5ft Diva]

Originally Posted by Big_Sissy

Thanks and don't worry, I headed her off at the pass with my purse. I've got it safely back

Yep, just as he was rounding the corner on his Moped going at the top speed of 15mph. He was doing what you call "living on the edge".

Oh, man, if you could only see how big my smile is right now! Hope you enjoyed this one, BS!

[Big_Sissy]

I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't LOL, because I am.

See, that moped just isn't going to cut it. I NEED a motorcycle, then I won't have this trouble.

[5ft Diva]

I set myself up for that one!

[Big_Sissy]

Ahh, but we both know 2 things have to happen, it's got to be spring, and the snow needs to melt. Then I go shopping Unless I can talk myself into waiting until the fall (2009 bike instead).