Manners

[5ft Diva]

Manners, it seems, is a thing of the past - generally speaking. People don't talk the way they used to talk and don't treat each other the way they used to treat each other. Why do you think that is? What has changed?

If you could, what good manners would you re-introduce into your family or society that have been lost from our grandparent's generation down to our children's generation? Which ones are you glad we (as a society) got rid of? Which manners, do you think, will last forever because they are based off of principle? I know this is kind of a weird thread, I'm just wondering what you think.

[PhillyGirl]

I think that respect is gone. I work with the YW in my ward and there is so little respect for me and the other leaders. I would have never said the kind of things that they say to us. They are not willing to help or contribute in any way. They are always making excuses about not fulfilling their responsibilities. I have to put this mostly on the parents shoulders. I think that the pendulum has swung so far in the opposite direction. Most of these parents were raised that you didn't question your parents. It was blind obedience and respect. Parents were much more strict. Now many parents let there kids get away with so much. They don't have to do there chores or listen to their parents. The children dictate their own lives too much. There is a happy medium of love and discipline. As parents we are responsible for the raising our children to be good adults that contribute to the society. We are raising the future leaders of the country and the church. If our children do respect us then they are not going to learn from us. They won't respect you if you force it of them; but they won't respect you if you let them get away with murder either. I hope this makes sense and I hope this went along with the original post. This is just what came to mind when I read it.

[5ft Diva]

I'm not looking for anything in particular, PG. I just wanted to know what other people thought regarding the subject of manners.

I would agree with you. I think a lot of our youth don't even know what "old fashioned" respect is because they've never seen it demonstrated. So how do parents teach their children respect when they don't even know what it is in the first place? You know what I mean? Which leads us to another question, what exactly is the definition of respect?

I think, on the other hand, that those who do demonstrate respect to others on a regular basis are the ones who end up being successful in life. You know what I mean? It's a pity not many people catch onto this idea.

[PhillyGirl]

I agree those that show respect to others and are just respectful people in general are more successful overall. I do however, think that most of the parents know how to be respectful they just haven't passed that teaching on to their children. They give into their children way too often and don't expect much out of them. I believe that parents have become lazy in their parenting making their children lazy in their manners. Respect is having common courtesy for another person. Not name calling or belittling. Respect is listening to an adult and not talking back. That doesn't mean that you have to agree with the other person but listening and trying to understand from their view point. That is part of what I think it means to be respectful. It is so sad to hear my YW call each other stupid or the ugly sister. They don't even think about how it will effect the other person. And when I say that they shouldn't say thing like that they don't listen and just keep doing it. They are not respecting me or their peers. The thinking is to do what you want when you want to. Well, there is my rant for the day. I don't mean to say that this is how every kid or parent is; but it does seem all too common these days.

[Big_Sissy]

Parents certainly have a role that's for sure.

Television programming where the parents are "servants" to the kids is really something to consider. Do your kids watch that type of stuff? I can't help but say that those programs are not helpful.

Entitlement seems to be a big problem as well. It's really quite scary to be raising kids in this day and age.

[Erudite]

I agree with what's been said. I don't have much to add really, but wanted to chime in somehow.

[PhillyGirl]

I agree with you BS; television sure plays a role in so many things. But I do have to say that it falls back onto the parents for letting their children watch certain shows or not being aware of what their children are watching.

[Big_Sissy]

Absolutely. We as parents should be on top of what our children watch.

Now having said that, we do not need to be controlling. If you control, they will eventually rebel, and you'll have a lot worse problems on your hands than a poor television show.

Teach them correct principals and they will govern themselves. Believe me you don't want the alternative.

[PhillyGirl]

I agree wholeheartedly that you don't want to control. The level of control you have with your children depends on their age. As they are young you have to be in control with most everything as they grow they gain more independence giving you less control.
I have seen many cases were the parents tried to hard to control and it backfired. You do just have to teach your children the best that you can and be involved in their lives as much as you should and then let them choose for themselves. And unfortunately they are not always going to follow your teachings.

[natickgirl]

Ditto to what has been said.

Society has become so much more casual. How many people actually greet each other with "Hello" anymore. It's usually "Hi. Howya doin?" Speaking respectfully is so much more formal. Our clothes are more casual & so are our manners. Ever notice that you behave more gentilly when you're better dressed?

A big problem is the detachment we have from one another (especially teens) because of technology. How do you teach a child to speak respectfully when they're constantly being fed less than desirable music, games, movies, & very gramatically incorrect text messages?

I think another issue is society's pull away from religion. The Bible--and many religions--teach us to love our neighbors & respect our parents/leaders. Fewer & fewer Americans are attending church meetings of any kind, often the only place some children are taught to be respectful of all of God's creations. And, of course, school teachers are very limited in the amount of ethics/morals/values they can teach. Kids just aren't being taught! [But they are being taught to be selfish. It's called the "me" generation for a reason.]

Finally, it is becoming politically incorrect to acknowledge someone is your elder, and therefore deserves respect. It is also PI to draw attention to the fact that there might be a woman present...men don't hold doors, stand up, refrain from sharing dirty jokes, etc. anymore. TV doesn't help. How can kids learn respect if society itself thinks it is unimportant?