Mothering a son

[bookworm]

I have three sons. My first and third sons are very active boys, they like to run and rough house and play sports and are generally exactly what you expect from boys. My middle son, however, is much less active unless I force him out the door. Which he resents. How can I encourage him to be... a boy?

I keep reminding myself that he is a lot like my dad and my brothers. He likes to read and write and watch movies and create things on the computer and he LOVES video games (all my boys like them, but he's the most obsessed). My dad and my brothers are all very intelligent, wonderful men, who contribute to society and my dad and one married brother are excellent husbands.

I realize it isn't the end of the world if he's not really into sports, but I don't want him turning into a slug just because summer's here! He will sit and read after I pry the game paddle from his hand. Reading is my favorite pastime, too, so that's fine, but can't he also spend a few minutes riding his bike or chasing his brothers? He's so nervous about getting hurt that he doesn't go on any neighborhood adventures- he is ultra-sensitive and seems to get hurt easily, but I can't help but think that if he would just PLAY and suck it up a little that he would toughen up. Maybe I'm wrong, though...

Any ideas? Thoughts? Suggestions?

[5ft Diva]

My son did that for a couple of years. I was concerned about it because when he was little he couldn't wait to go outside. As he got older that changed and I noticed that he'd stay inside just like you've described w/ your son. I have since noticed that when my son stays inside it's because he's bored and when he reads and reads and reads it's his way of escaping from something. I have to be really careful about his reading as I've noticed he has the tendency to slip into a depression when he starts doing it too much. (Escaping, not the reading.)

Anyway, w/ my son the problem lied in interacting w/ other kids, not spending time outside. If he was hanging out w/ other kids he naturally went outside and yes, they do come in a lot to play video games, too. Anyway, I would just encourage the friendships. How would he respond if you were to invite him to throw a party w/ his friends at his house? Or taking a friend to the pool? I don't know....just some thoughts. Good luck!

[bookworm]

Diva, thanks for your input! I'm hoping it's a bit of a phase. Part of it may very well be that he doesn't have any friends except one over here in our immediate neighborhood, and that one is a lot bigger and sportier than him, thus leaving him in the dust when they do anything active together.

Thanks also for inviting him over tonight, the group of boys over there are who he really should be hanging out with- most of them are similar in stature to him as well as being nice boys like him

Funny you mention the pool- he actually called your son at my suggestion earlier today about going swimming but no one answered your phone. We will definitely try that again, though- he loves swimming.

I really appreciate your input. I don't think he's got any depression problems, I don't think he's reading to escape, he just loves to read. He will put the book down to go play if someone calls him. Maybe with your son's assistance, we'll get him on his bike and out the door!!

Anyone else, please feel free to comment, I appreciate any suggestions you might have!!

As I'm thinking this through tonight, I'm thinking more and more I should not worry too much, that some of this is very much a phase and will pass. I have always made it a point that my kids can make their own choices, think for themselves- use their brains, but this son tends to choose laziness and sloth, which I don't approve of! I need to relax and just nudge him in the right direction without trying too hard to control him... aaah the balance...

[5ft Diva]

I totally hear ya! Let me know when you find the secret to that balance.