Mouthy Children

[5ft Diva]

I am dealing w/ very mouthy children (1 in particular) and am not quite sure how to handle it. I haven't felt like I'm ready to blow up yet, but I am afraid I will for lack of constructive ideas - especially since BS goes out of town on Sunday for a week. Can anyone help me see this in a different light so I can gain some perspective. I think my biggest problem is that I'm feeling like the victim (i.e., nobody listens to me, nobody does what I ask them to do). I know I need to pull myself out of this role and become something else - just not quite sure what that is - boy that sounds healthy!? I am very frustrated and I think this is one of those situations where I am so in the problem (possibly am the problem) that I can't see from the outside in right now and I know if I could I would not be so frustrated. Anyway, perspective would be great right about now. TIA!

[mxmama]

Well depending on the level of discipline you believe in for your children depends on how to handle them.

When it comes to listening and respecting you as a parent I believe it should not be ignored because in the long run it hurts the child.

Soap usually works for sassy or back talk.



I do believe in spanking, but hardly ever do it because I don't like to. I know people who NEVER got spanked, and they don't have ANY friends as adults or have a very hard time getting along with others in the work place.

Anyway, your probably looking for a better answer than what I'm talking about, but this is what crossed my mind.

Im sure others who know you better and know what you need to hear will chime in.

Good luck! I know sassy talk and back talk are hard to deal with. Stay strong

[runamyrun]

I think how you handle it depends on what age your child is. If it is one of your older kids, I'm sorry but I don't have any advice (my kids are younger). If it is one of your younger children, here are a few ideas of what we have done with our kids. For a while, our kids were being sassy. If I asked them to do something, sometimes they would say no, whine, or say "I don't have to do that!" I would get so frustrated that I would yell, and that didn't help at all. So we made up our rewards system. If I asked them to do something, and they did it without me having to tell them over and over to do it, and they weren't sassy about it, they got a dot drawn on a paper. Once they have 5 dots, they get to pick a small prize out of the treasure chest. This is the same system we use for them to be nice to each other. After doing this a couple of times (and I really watched for them to be good) it made a huge difference. The other thing we do is if they are being too sassy or disobedient, they go in the corner. After they get out, we discuss why they were put in there, and they have to apologize. I get the feeling that you are probably experiencing this with one of your older kids, so sorry I wrote this. Maybe it will spark some ideas for you, though. I understand that it is easy to feel like a victim (I feel that way too). Good luck!

[natickgirl]

Oh, man. I'm right there with you w/both my 11 yr old & 6 yr old. Some of it is age (they go through stages) and some of it is personality, but such lack of respect is still not acceptable. When you figure it out, let me know!

[5ft Diva]

Thanks for your ideas, ladies.

When it comes to listening and respecting you as a parent I believe it should not be ignored because in the long run it hurts the child.

I really appreciate this thought, mx. Thanks for the perspective. Tough love is hard sometimes, but it's easier when you understand why you're doing it!

[bookworm]

All I can think of is how my MIL always allowed her kids to treat her like crap, and most of them still yell at her or "sass" her- it makes me ill. I crack down when the kids get sassy- first I point it out to them, explain that I expect and deserve respect and that what they just said was not respectful. If it continues, I impose an immediate consequence. If it's sending a friend home, turning off a video game, sitting in a chair or putting their nose on the wall, whatever I feel will work for the child- my kids are a wide range of ages, so different things work for each of them. I think discipline or consequences have to be immediate and as much as possible, related to the misbehavior to be effective.

I see a lot of parents willing to let their kids get away with murder simply because they don't like to see their kids upset/sad (I've been guilty of this sometimes, too- I don't mean to be preachy). Anyway, sometimes my kid needs to feel bad when they've misbehaved, so they will associate said behavior with the unhappy feeling. It won't kill them to feel sorry for what they've done!

We haven't got a real sassy problem going on right now, but we have got plenty of bickering. I'm not looking forward to Christmas break- I need some new strategies to deal with it. I don't want to hijack this thread, but I'd appreciate hearing what works in others' households with kids near the ages of mine- 12, 11, 8, 5.

[5ft Diva]

Started a new thread for this topic, BW.

http://forums.bodynspirit.net/f-53/b...-705/#post8094

[5ft Diva]

Originally Posted by bookworm

All I can think of is how my MIL always allowed her kids to treat her like crap, and most of them still yell at her or "sass" her- it makes me ill. I crack down when the kids get sassy- first I point it out to them, explain that I expect and deserve respect and that what they just said was not respectful. If it continues, I impose an immediate consequence. If it's sending a friend home, turning off a video game, sitting in a chair or putting their nose on the wall, whatever I feel will work for the child- my kids are a wide range of ages, so different things work for each of them. I think discipline or consequences have to be immediate and as much as possible, related to the misbehavior to be effective.

I see a lot of parents willing to let their kids get away with murder simply because they don't like to see their kids upset/sad (I've been guilty of this sometimes, too- I don't mean to be preachy). Anyway, sometimes my kid needs to feel bad when they've misbehaved, so they will associate said behavior with the unhappy feeling. It won't kill them to feel sorry for what they've done!

That is an interesting perspective, BW. I never thought about the long term consequences of letting your children sass you now. Thanks for bringing that up. I think I could definitely work on the immediate consequences. I will call them on it right away, but don't really do anything about it because I think "the talk/lecture" is enough, but if I want what I'm saying to stick, they'll definitely need consequences that help them rethink their choices next time around.

--->> So....since I'm trying to get help for all of my children....for those of you who only have younger children and don't know what to do w/ older children quite yet, what consequence do you remember working most effectively for you as a kid (or your siblings) if/when you sassed your mom? (I'm not going to ask about sassing dad's because they are a totally different ball game.)

[bookworm]

Well, I got slapped in the face. All that did was make me rage inside at her. She was really really mean, though. I try to balance my disciplinary tactics with lots of physical affection on verbal praising to avoid appearing like that to my kids.

[runamyrun]

I don't really remember if my mom did anything about us being sassy or not. I do remember one time I was about 8 or so, and I was whining about having to help clean up. I feel really bad about this now (and I have apologized to my mom!), but I used to think that my mom sat and watched tv the whole time we were at school. I didn't think she did any work. This is why I was complaining about having to help. My dad ended up grabbing my arm and telling me that I needed to be nice to mom and that she did tons of things for me. He told me that when she asked to me do something, I needed to listen to her. This made a huge impact on me, because I got really tired of hearing my mom talk (telling us what to do or not to do). I don't think my dad told us to do anything very often, so when he did you listened. I was more of a Daddy's girl, so I really respected what he had to say.

[5ft Diva]

I hear you there, Amy! Dads seem to have that kind of affect on their children. I find that in our marriage my husband is the one who really sets the tone for how the kids should treat me. I don't mean that I don't stand up for myself or that he should have to solve all the problems when the kids sass, but he definitely decides how high the bar is set and reminds the kids of that when they get way out of line. (I suppose it isn't any different than our Heavenly Father.)