My "Mom" Intuition

[5ft Diva]

I had a "Mom" moment this afternoon that kind of shook me up.

My son asked to go play at a boy's house. His friend lives far enough away that I needed to drive my son to his house. When I got there the father was there and said to me, "We've arranged for a babysitter to come for about an hour while we go do some shopping, is it alright if your son is here when the babysitter is here?" I was a little hesitant but ended up saying yes. I started heading home and the further I got from their house the more uncomfortable I felt about leaving my son there. So, like any of you would do, I prayed for courage and turned around and went back.

I went up to the door and the only words that could come out of my mouth were, "I'm a little uneasy w/ leaving him here w/ the babysitter, would it be okay if your son could come to my house instead?" The father is the one that answered the door and he said with a smile, "Oh, sure, let me go get them", and then his body language showed that he was clearly not okay w/ my request.

The mother came to the door a couple of minutes after and was totally understanding. She explained to me that her son didn't realize they had arranged for a babysitter to come over during the same time he had invited my son to come and play and so there was a little mix up. I appreciated her explanation.

I feel at peace about doing what was best for my child; there was no denying what I felt, yet, the feeling was so strong and so uncomfortable it shook me to my core, so peace didn't come instantaneously w/ my decision to go and get my son. I came home and got myself grounded because it was so unsettling. I feel much better inside now, I guess I just needed to "journal" it to deal w/ my feelings. I'm glad I followed the prompting even though I still don't understand the reasoning behind it. Ahhhh, the joy of parenting!

[PhillyGirl]

Good Job! I taught the lesson on Revelation to the YW this last week and encouraged them to listen to the spirit. It's not always easy to follow what the spirit prompts us to do but we should always listen and obey. Thanks for sharing your story. Aren't we so blessed to have revelation in our lives.

[5ft Diva]

Yes! It's funny because I considered ignoring it (due to not wanting to look stupid) but felt the impression of, "Okay, but don't be surprised if you're on your own next time. There's only so much I can do to help you if you won't accept it." Glad I listened!

[amberpatomo]

I am very proud of you. I have those moments as well and in fact when I read your post it brought up something that has been bothering me for a while.

Not to divert from your post but I wanted to ask you all a question. If you were caring for a child at your home who arrived very dirty and unkempt (wearing the same food crusted clothes from yesterday, dirty bottom, black feet, messy face, oily and dirty hair) almost all the time, would you bath her? Or would you leave her as she is?

The reason I ask this is because I have recently committed to caring for a sweet 3 year old girl. Her Mother brings her at 6 am and comes at 4:30 pm to pick her up. I feel like 10 1/2 hours is a long time to have your child so filthy and especially when sitting and sleeping on someone elses furniture.

I have been just bathing her but now I am starting to think that I shouldn't be. Should I talk to her mom? I can't bath her with my kids because to be honest she is so dirty that I worry my kids will get sick or something. So I usually bath seperately which uses a lot of water.

Would it be offensive to tell her? How would I say it if I did?

Any advice would be appreciated.

[mxmama]

Hey, at least they told you that info. about the sitter.

You know I think that is a big deal, when I bring my child to someones house to play, I am leaving the parents of that house in charge of my child. No one else.


About 7 yrs ago, I took my daughter to a distant "relatives" (on the husbands side) to spend the night. She was 6 or 7 yrs old at the time. Anyway, the next day when we went to pick her up, no adult was in sight, come to find out they were at the casino and had been there all night long. Just a teenager was left with the kids.

Me and my husband were so uncomfortable with that. We could not believe no one asked us how we felt about that,
before hand!

Then to top it off, when we mentioned our discomfort with the situation, people think I am weird.

Oh well, I dont need to get started with his family.

This is your thread
You did the right thing!!

[mxmama]

Originally Posted by amberpatomo

I am very proud of you. I have those moments as well and in fact when I read your post it brought up something that has been bothering me for a while.

Not to divert from your post but I wanted to ask you all a question. If you were caring for a child at your home who arrived very dirty and unkempt (wearing the same food crusted clothes from yesterday, dirty bottom, black feet, messy face, oily and dirty hair) almost all the time, would you bath her? Or would you leave her as she is?

The reason I ask this is because I have recently committed to caring for a sweet 3 year old girl. Her Mother brings her at 6 am and comes at 4:30 pm to pick her up. I feel like 10 1/2 hours is a long time to have your child so filthy and especially when sitting and sleeping on someone elses furniture.

I have been just bathing her but now I am starting to think that I shouldn't be. Should I talk to her mom? I can't bath her with my kids because to be honest she is so dirty that I worry my kids will get sick or something. So I usually bath seperately which uses a lot of water.

Would it be offensive to tell her? How would I say it if I did?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Well, I know exactly where you are coming from... I am a germaphobic!!! OCD BAD!!

I would have to bath her, or you could set up a sprinkler outside and make it a fun thing with the bottle of baby soap

Then all the kids can join in. Thats what I would do if possible.

Maybe just give her a good wiping down with some baby wipes or a rag. Use the sink instead of the tub.

If it REALLY bothers you, or its really inconvenient, you can bring it up to the mother as a"health" concern for hers and your children. Just say you have been noticing her sneezing more, and that maybe her immune system is running low. Any mommy that keeps there child that dirty all the time, needs a clue.

Mention the extra work involved to keep your place tidy and germ free. Also mention how important that sort of environment is.

Or you can just lie and say, " my child has asthma and the dirt on your child triggers it"


Good luck

[smed]

5D I am so proud of you, it's hard to be put in that situation. It's a good thing you listened and obeyed, won't you hate to be kicking yourself in the butt if something happened?

When it comes to my kids I listen to that still small voice very carefull.

MXM I loved what you said about the dirty kid and the asthma I laughted out loud.

Amber the first thing I thought about from your post was: is this little girl being neglected from her parents. She shouldn't be in the same outfit as when she left. She also shouldn't be dirty like that. To me this is a "BIG RED FLAG" that might be out of your control. I would Pray about it first and then talk to her mother. Find out what the deal is at home. And think and reflect about what she said. Use your first instinct and act on that instinct. It may be just the thing that little girl or the family needs at this time.

[5ft Diva]

Thanks guys for your encouragement. I feel I am among giants.

Amber, you need to explain just a little more. Is this girls' "dirty" to you the same thing as what "dirty" would be to me? I know you are a way more particular about your kids than I am w/ mine so I feel I need to be on the same page w/ you before I start telling you my thoughts.

[amberpatomo]

Originally Posted by amberpatomo

(wearing the same food crusted clothes from yesterday, dirty bottom, black feet, messy face, oily and dirty hair)

5fD - Just so you know I have never seen your children ever nearly close to how dirty this child gets.

Her Mother works at Sonic drive in and she takes her back to work after she picks her up from me. Sometimes until late. So I think she gets dirty from the floor and grease. She's a single mother who doesn't really clean herself up much either. So I think it's a priority thing for her.

I don't think she has much time to take care of her because of how much she works. She usually gets home late and goes right to bed.

Smed - Thanks for your advice! I get the feeling she is not neglected so much as she isn't being taught proper hygiene. Her mom is very loving but at times she's careless.

for example yesterday my baby broke out in big red spots all over her body. I didn't know what it was so I told her mother she may not want to bring her daughter over. Well, she didn't even blink an eye and just said well if she gets it then she gets it. And last week our kids were very sick and she now is sick and so is the Mom. I understand there is only so much you can do when other kids are sick but if someone tells you how bad it is then maybe you should consider taking her to a family member or somewhere else or stay home?

another thing is since I have bathed her a few times I think her Mom assumes I will just do it for her.

I will pray and think about what to say and will give you all an update.

[LostnFound]

I just wanted to give one perspective from being a single working Mom before I met my husband. I didn't have the luxury of staying home from work. Every day's earnings meant groceries or a utiity bill paid. Also I had nobody else to watch my son. Even if that meant him getting sick or getting a rash.

If it is just a difference between the two of you on standards of cleanliness. I would try and be like the good samaritan and care for the child. Maybe not necessarily bathe the child but clean her up with a couple of washrags and some soap. I am sure with the Mother's schedule she would truly appreciate anything you do for the child.

I had to work three jobs at one time, so fitting in baths was a tough thing to do on some days.

You have a big heart and I'm sure you will find the right thing to do.

[amberpatomo]

LnF - Thank you so much for saying that. I can understand how difficult it is to be a single mom and I can see that her Mother does need help. My husband actually mows her lawn for her because she doesn't have a husband to help her out or the time time to do it herself.

I do care for this child already and so I want her to be happy and learn good habits, even if it's from me.

[5ft Diva]

Amber, it sounds like you just needed a sound board. I think you already know what to do.

I agree w/ LnF, on the sponge bath. I don't know how you feel but my purpose for saying that is I think you put yourself in a compromising position giving her a bath. It sounds like from your posts that it's not really been talked about, just obvious to the mother when she came and picked her daughter up. I could be wrong, though. Good luck!

[Big_Sissy]

My suggestion since you are already helping her, is to

1) talk to the mother about your concern.
2) Tell her that you emphathise with her situation and would like to help.
3) Tell her that if she will bring clean clothes, you will get her cleaned up and ready for the day.

That is of course if you are willing to do that.