My Son Has a Friend That Is a Girl

[Dia Minha]

My nine year old son has recently made a new friend. He does not make friends easily nor does he really care to have friends so I was really excited for him. His new friend is a girl in his class. They work together in class a lot and play together at recess. Sometimes they even walk home together (by themselves).

Anyway today I saw them coming down the street together and it hit me, if this was a sixteen year old girl and a sixteen year old boy it would look an aweful lot like a date.

So, when is it not ok for boys and girls to "play" together anymore? What types of rules do I need to set now as to not have the "it is just a bunch of people getting together to go to a movie" argument with my son when he is 12-15 years old and not yet old enough to date? What exactly would be considered a date? What about rules regarding talking on the phone with members of the opposite sex?

[Big_Sissy]

You have a great question, and I'm not sure I have even thought about it (maybe similar to you at this point).

The only thought that come to mind is: Teach him correct principles and he'll govern himself.

I am a huge controller (though, I do not like to be controlled ). I know this, so rules to me really should be more like guidelines with ample solid/logical reasons why you and the Lord don't want him/her dating -- or being alone with the opposite sex.

As far as phone talking goes, my suggestion is to allow it, but limit the length of time they talk.

The good news is that the church is doing a wonderful job of helping on this front. The "for the strength of youth" pamphlet is awesome, and will be taught in church to them as well. I'd suggest reading it if you haven't because it will give you great ideas and reason's why it's a bad idea to date before it's time.

Hope that helps. I'm quite excited to see what other great ideas others have as well. Specifically from those that have been there and done this already.

[5ft Diva]

At about the same age our oldest son had a really good friend that was a girl. They understood one another and I thought their relationship was great. I was concerned a little bit about the same things you've expressed here in this thread. What I have found now that he's 12 is that boys and girls naturally separate one from another. There's just an age when they will want to be w/ friends of their same sex rather than those of the opposite sex. So, I guess what I'm saying is, don't worry about it. It'll work itself out. It's not a big deal. It is good to teach them your standards and all that stuff that BS said, but I have found that it'll just naturally work itself out. HTH

[bookworm]

I was going to say what Diva said- my 9 yo son has girls for friends, and I don't worry at all. We have an "open door" policy at our house already (if a friend is over, the bedroom door stays open), so no "doctor" games or anything like that is likely to happen. And like Diva said, they tend to naturally pull into separate groups around age 10-12 or so. My 13 yo son has a couple of girls that he and his guy friends hang with a little- but only at school. They don't socialize with girls outside of school, church and mutual, so it isn't a concern there, either.