Other people's kids who' won't listen to me

[5ft Diva]

How do you deal with children in your home (that aren't yours) who won't listen to you or respect your house rules?

I have this problem (only on occasion, thankfully) with children that are here to play and with ones I've been asked to watch. I am of the opinion that it's my house, my rules....if you don't like it you can go home. Just curious to know how everybody else deals with it.

[Erudite]

I haven't had that happen in awhile, but I take the same approach. Last summer, a friend of my DD kept coming to me to solve all the problems and "telling on" the other kids. I finally told her that I don't solve the problems, I expect my kids to work it out (which they do). Frankly, we don't have the type of problems she was describing until she comes over. That is a little frustrating.

I've also told kids who are disobeying their OWN mother that I don't let my kids play with kids who can't obey their own mother.

Here's a kinda funny one for you...when we first lived in Tooele, the neighbor kids (who've long since moved away, before us even...) came over and were calling each other and my kids names as a part of the playing process. I told them that we weren't allowed to call names in our house. They were dumbfounded, as if I'd taken away a personal liberty or something. They finally said, "well, we are" and fairly quickly went home again. I wonder if they ever told their parents about that weird family across the street who actually manage to play without calling each other names. To this day, I attempt to limit my kids' interaction with those kids who use name calling to coerce each other into something, because truly, my kids don't do that and I don't want them to learn that that is any kind of acceptable.

[5ft Diva]

Frankly, we don't have the type of problems she was describing until she comes over. That is a little frustrating.

I can't begin to tell you how validating this thought was! For a couple of weeks I have been in knots feeling like there was something wrong with the kind of mother I am. In knots until I started paying attention to the fact that these same children tell their own parents to go fly a kite whenever they are asked to do something. I know it sounds funny, but it just let me know that I'm okay and that I'm not so mean after all.

I've also told kids who are disobeying their OWN mother that I don't let my kids play with kids who can't obey their own mother.

This is an interesting thought. I can see it working with little kids! The mothers of those children probably adored you. Every mother needs back up!

[natickgirl]

Oooh! Disrespectful children are a big pet peeve of mine. I expect my children to show respect to others, especially when they are in someone else's home, at school, etc. (Still working on the "respect each other & Mom & Dad" issues, but that's another topic.) I also expect other children to respect me as an adult, and respect the rules of our home. I have let a few kids know that certain behavior is not OK in our home. I would not hesitate to send them home, or talk to their parents if necessary.

Interesting twist: My children sometimes become less respectful to me or to each other when they have friends over. If/when that happens, I let my kids and their friends know that family comes first, and if they can't treat family with respect, they don't get the privilege of having friends over. Does that happen at your house?

[5ft Diva]

Yes I have had this happen - on many occasions. The trick, I have yet to learn, is how to address this issue in front of their friends in a non-embarrassing way. Meaning I'm not embarrassing my kids because I am not tactful about this issue.