Positive and uplifiting experiences for our kids

[5ft Diva]

On an earlier thread about violence in the media it was suggested that the way to combat violence was to provide our kids w/ positive and uplifting experiences. I have felt a gentle nudge in this direction for about nine months and haven't quite known what to do - simply because I kept "shelfing" the idea. I asked my kids, last night in fact, what they thought we should do over Memorial Day weekend and one of them said, "Let's go golfing! We've always wanted to try it and it'd be fun." Oddly enough, this happened to be one of the initial experiences I wanted to give to my kids. It won't be "cheap" but it's cheaper than the gas we'll spend on the motor home (and all of the snacky food one buys) if we were to go camping. Anyway, I realized that I don't have to come up w/ the ideas; we, as a family, will come up w/ them. I'm so excited. I don't have a clue how to golf and so it'll be fun to get on the internet w/ my kids and learn all about golfing and to go to the D.I. and purchase our own clubs and stuff and then to go. This is an experience that is new to us all. I can't wait to see how it's executed. We have one month! Yeah!

Sorry if I got carried away w/ my ideas. I just wanted to say something about the fact that positive and uplifting ideas come to the whole family, not just the parents and they can be as simple or as extravagant as you'd like them to be. (My kids don't know this but one day I'd love to take them to the symphony.)

[LostnFound]

Thats sounds like it will be so much fun for your family.

The last few nice weekends our family has taken a walk up Settlement Canyon and played on the playground. We all had a game of tag and red rover. My children loved playing tag with me and my husband and also red rover. Recently they have requested to go play these games again. My children aren't little anymore either. We also love to go play a game of base soccer or softball at the church. My children are fascinated for some reason when my husband and I play these outdoor games with them. I guess they think we are to old to be playing tag and just get a kick out of watching us run around.

[5ft Diva]

So I'm assuming that you park at the base of the canyon and walk up???? I hope so. That is a wonderful idea! My kids would love it. Not so sure BS would but that's okay.

[LostnFound]

Yeah, we just park at the parking lot by the gate where you pay. It does not cost if you are walking into the canyon only if you are driving. Let BS know it is a very easy walk or I don't think my hubby would be up for it either.

Also, my brother works at a local golf course. They have summer lessons for the youth that my boys took last year. I can't remember the cost. I think they are twice a week in the mornings. They have a flier at the golf course. I could pick one up for you if you are interested or just call them for more info. (Oquirrh Hills Golf Course) My boys loved golfing last year. It was finally a sport that they could play that wasn't so competive. Good luck!!

[5ft Diva]

I didn't even think about the parking lot outside the pay-gate. That makes more sense.

If you have access to the flier, I'd love one. Thanks for the heads up. I think my kids would enjoy it.

[Big_Sissy]

I can see I need to keep closer tabs on these threads just so I know what to expect the next time you want to talk... Golf eh... The only sport I know of that has less action and costs more then racing motocross. I do enjoy golf, but the cost to fun ratio just isn't there for me. But I'm not against the kids doing it.

[Erudite]

Would anyone like to help with some research and development in this area? I have put myself in charge of creating a BUNCH of educationally fun (or is it fun educational) activities for families to do in summer. This information will be emailed to parents of students at the school my kids attend. I would love some great ideas about anything that would prove to be a learning experience for kids. We could develop them here and then you all could have access to them for your own families. Anyone interested?

[Laundrygirl]

I would like to get some fun ideas that involve our family. We don't do alot of active sports, maybe because our son, Cameron is a "poor" sport, he will cry if he doesn't win, that is at everything. Is this his age, or will he ever grow out of it. Scott and I would love to play a basketball game or soccer, whatever, sometime if we want to play we do and Cameron sometimes just has to deal with it. We could really use some positive reinforcement in our home. I'm open to any suggestions. Sorry to get off the subject. Laundrygirl

[5ft Diva]

Erudite, I'm in.

LG, sorry to hear about your DS. I wish you luck in this area. As you know, I have 5 boys and our 6 yr old in particular has been like this. I can see that he's close to growing out of it. I think due to experience, encouragement, and maturity. Good luck!!!!

[Big_Sissy]

Getting them involved in a sport outside of the family will help him with this. I bet he doesn't cry on the playground. Nor will he in an organized sport. It's funny what being around your peers will do for you.

[Erudite]

Originally Posted by 5ft Diva

Erudite, I'm in.

5D would you create a new forum so we can categorize items under it? I think that'll be a good approach. A "sub" under this forum would be good.

[5ft Diva]

What would you like it called?

[Erudite]

Uh...I don't care. Kid's Summer Education ideas? Educational Fun? Activities for All Kids?

[Mamallama]

Laundrygirl, I have a child that has had this struggle as well. I feel for your frustration. It’s hard to have family fun when one family member gets SO upset over not winning a game. It spoils the fun for everyone. I wish I had a ‘perfect’ answer for you.
Our poor children are kind of like guinea pigs in the sense that we have to experiment on them basically to see what things will work to help them, and to see what things don’t work. And then as you know, what works for one, often times will not work for the other child. Laundrygirl, I know that as you stay prayerful about your son, the Lord will inspire you with ways to help him through this.

This isn't a suggestion for a family activity, but something you might try with just your son specifically to try and help him work through this problem. Try playing a lot of one on one games, like Uno---just the two of you with no one else around---where you can deal a lot of hands, and take turns winning and losing---that way he can see your example of how you handle ‘losing’ and then you can help him handle his feelings of losing a hand in private, so he isn’t ‘losing face’ in front of other family members or friends. While you are playing you can emphasize how fun it is to play even though sometimes you lose and sometimes he loses. I would do this over and over and over again as he is growing up, to try and help him to understand that sometimes we win games and sometimes we lose games and it’s okay to win and lose. And find ways to let him know that both of you are still smart, good, talented people, even when you don’t win every game, that you’re just playing for the fun of it.


I'm sidetracking here:

With our religion, we kind of live in a double standard world. In the church we are taught to seek for nothing less than perfection, but at the same time we are not to put ourselves above anyone else….we are not to declare that we have “won” over someone else for being more “spiritual than another.

Yet outside of our “churchworld” we live so competitively. We teach our children to develop talents in competitive ways----sports, pinewood derbys, competitive talent shows, competitive science fairs. “Let’s try and WIN WIN WIN. Let’s try and get first place!” I am bothered a bit by so much competitiveness in our lives. We are pushing to win, trying to be better than the next person at something---but everyone can’t win--- Striving for perfection spiritually in this physically competitive world, sends out mixed messages to kids..the feelings of I must be no good, I must be a bad person since I didn’t win the talent show. I didn’t reach perfection in this, so I am not worth anything. And then on the other hand, when one does win, how do you keep the ego in check so as not to put ourselves above others?

I think that all the competitiveness in our world is very confusing to our children. I wish we could find more ways to encourage our children and ourselves to do our best, without it being quite so competitive.

We wonder why our children are so upset when they don’t win, when they don’t get that first place trophy, but yet isn’t that the message they get from church in a way----not to settle for anything less than first place? I know the real message of the gospel isn’t for us to put ourselves above another, but I feel that that is sometimes the indirect message that we send to our children when we teach to seek for perfection. How do you teach them to differentiate the difference between spiritual perfection and worldly perfection? What a mixed message it is when we say now “it’s wrong to be arrogant”----“but go go go and win first place!” “You’re better than that team Let’s beat that team!” “Let’s make a project better than everyone else to WIN in the science fair!” ????

This has been such a dilemna in my mind of how to teach my children that it’s ok to not win first place----that you can be proud of yourself and feel good about yourself for simply doing your best----but living in this double standard world so to speak, it is SO hard for children and for myself even as an adult, to come to terms with------ “I am ok and am a good person” even when I'm not perfect."

Don’t know if you can follow my crazy line of thinking here….
Wish I had the answers though!

[Dia Minha]

I don't know if I am way off base here, however, something occurred to me while reading what LG and mama had to say about winning and losing and how to teach our children how to be both gracious winners and good loosers. Something we have always done in our house is whenever we play a game like candyland or uno or sorry we always play until everyone has won. In other words, if child number one gets all of his men in homebase first than he is the first winner. The rest of us continue to play until all the players get all their men in home base. The ones that finish always stick around and cheer the others until they make it. I don't know why or how this as works, but it does. I believe it is because we have somehow been able to actually teach them (not just tell them) that it is HOW you play the game, not who gets there first. And then of course that you always finish what you started even if your last.

As my children have started playing soccer and other "real life" games they have been able to use this knowledge they have gained and can be excited when they win, yet still realize that they can have fun just by playing and finishing even if they don't finish first.

Dia

[Mamallama]

Great ideas and example Dia! Thanks for sharing. I love the fact that you've taught your children to stay and cheer each other on to the finish.... And that fits right in, in the gospel sense of how we should cheer each other on to enduring to the end through our trials as well!!
I love your train of thinking Dia. Thanks!

[Big_Sissy]

Also, remember the gospel isn't a race or a competition, and we can ALL Win.

[Mamallama]

The beauty of the gospel isn't it!! Thanks BS--

[runamyrun]

We do the same kind of thing with games, as Dia Minha. I guess we play that way because I don't want my kids to feel bad, and I want everybody to have fun. One day we were playing a game (me, my kids, and one of their friends). My son's friend was tailing behind the rest of us, and was feeling really bad. The funny thing is, I don't think my kids understood why he was upset! Anyway, the game we were playing had pictures of mice having a picnic. So I started saying that we were going on a pretend picnic and that I would bring pizza. Then I would ask each child what they were bringing to our picnic. We would cheer for each other to finish so we could all have our pretend picnic together. This kids loved this idea!

[Mamallama]

I feel so much that way too RAR, I also don’t ever want anyone to feel bad and I'm always trying to think of ways that everyone can have fun and be a winner whether they come in first or last place. Some people will argue that the child won’t learn what “real life” is like if you don’t let them experience "the pain" of losing. My philosophy however is that there are plenty of disappointments that come in life, so there is no need to add to it with having terrible disappointments at times that should be group fun and games.

Maybe you’ll laugh or think I’m ridiculous, but I feel so much this way that when I was Cubscout Denleader and my DH was Cubmaster, for the Pinewood Derbies we bought trophies all the same size, for all 31 boys. We had 1st place, 2nd place 3rd place, but then we took down the barrier at the end and had a race to see whose car could roll the farthest not fastest, we raced the cars backwards to see whose would win and roll the farthest backwards, we had a trophy for best paint job, most original car, the most creative, most colorful….yes we came up with special awards for all 31 boys. Every boy went home happy with his ‘special’ trophy and the parents were all happy that their kids were happy. I just can’t stand to see anyone so sad and disappointed after working so hard to build cars, or other types of projects that are judged. I think anyone that trys, should go home feeling happy and successful.

Sorry I’ve been rambling so much about this today…just have had random thoughts on my mind after reading LG’s post….thanks for letting me vent out my thoughts and feelings here!