The stress of an under weight child

[PhillyGirl]

I tried this thread once before but I don't think it worked but if for some reason it is up here twice; sorry. My daughter is 14 months old and is only in the 3rd % for weight. The doctor mentioned failure to thrive and it gets me all freaked out. I feel like I am at the end of my rope. Then there are all the moms at church who keep reminding me how little she is; like I had forgotten or something. They give advice like I haven't tried or something. That if they could take her for a week that they would fatten her up. Anyway, if you have any advice great, if not it is good just to vent.

[5ft Diva]

The first question I have is what's her appetite like?

[PhillyGirl]

She doesn't have much of an appetite. Well, I should say that it depend on the day. I think that I was getting so worried about it that I was putting more pressure on her to eat and she would resist even more making me worry more and the cycle would continue in downward spiral.

[crazyK]

Just hang in there and keep trying. Well, I know that is lame. We are also reading without offense. Some of the ladies in your ward should read this book. Not that I have finished or anything. Also, as you well know that both of my feet are usually in my mouth while I am trying to speak. I guess the only new thing is that these ladies will have some ideas for you to try or retry. Just keep on giving her options.: YA RIGHT! LOVE YA!

[runamyrun]

My children tend to be petite. When my three year old daughter was 18 months, she was in the 5%. Now she is in the 12%. My baby girl (who is also 14 months today!) and my 5 year old son are also quite thin. I used to really worry about it. I even asked the doctor how much I should be feeding them, because I was worried that it was my fault. He told me that they were progressing steadily, and that they are happy. Plus, he pointed out that my husband and I are on the small side. So, if she is healthy and progressing the way she should, don't worry so much. But, if she is not growing the way she should, there is still hope. My cousin's son wasn't growing well the first couple of years, so they had to really watch his diet. Now he is fine. Ignoring the comments can be really hard to do. People aren't trying to be mean, and they say stupid things (I say more than my fair share!). Whenever we visit my parents, my mom has plenty of junk food, and she says that she is trying to fatten up my kids! I hope that helps, if not, just ignore it!

[PhillyGirl]

Thank you so very much. It is always nice to hear that I am not the only one struggling with this. I think the less I worry the better she does so that is my plan for now. We are going back in a month for a weight check and that is when he will decide if she needs all the testing. The doctor thinks that she will need it but that it will come up normal. She is just small. The funny thing is neither me or my husband are very small. We aren't obese or anything but I would never say small Anyway, thanks for the support.

[amberpatomo]

I also have a daughter who is almost off the weight chart. I have been told that you can see her ribs and that must mean she's underweight. I was small and so was my husband so I am not worried. She does eat but not always as much as she should. They will eat when they get hungry so I have learned.

I have a couple of tricks I use to give more healthy fat in her diet. Most mornings I make her oatmeal. When it's cooling I will put a chunk of butter (about a tablespoon) in it to melt. Also when I drain and rinse the fat from my meat for dinners I will put a bit of sunflower or canola oil in her food to make up what I took out.

I agree with runamyrun. As long as she is progressing, even if it's not noticable to everyone around you. Is her color good? Does she play with energy? Does she undersleep/oversleep? Does her skin feel healthy? Is she pooping regularly? I have been told that if our children's bodies are doing the normal processes then usually there is no concern. I learned this when my daughter had a fever for almost 2 weeks. Sometimes children regress and sometimes they grow faster. It just depends.

[PhillyGirl]

Thanks, She is developmentally great. She has loads of energy and sleeps well. She is a happy playful child she is just small and has a small appetite. She poops daily and has plenty of wet diapers. I just need to relax .

[Erudite]

Have you read The Secret Garden? Its a lovely story in general, but also covers the normal growth of children from non-thriving to thriving as a part of the story. My kids are skinny too and I have worried my doctor about it from time to time but was told the same things everyone else has said...progress is good, development is reasonable, no worries.

Also, just recently, as a Webelos leader, I went to mypyramid.gov and they have a function that'll tell you how many calories a day a certain age should be eating. I have no idea if it would useful to such a young child, but it would give you a goal for how much to put in front of her. If she's eating anywhere near enough, you'd know it by the charts. I'm finding that my kids don't eat enough unless its pizza or pancakes and then they overeat. I'm working on a lot of healthy choices to get the calorie intake where it should be for them...and reduction of calorie intake for me. Fun, huh?

[teeny]

Well, this is just my two cents, but I think that a lot of Mom's underestimate their natural intuition when it comes to their children. I think that YOU know better than the doctor does, no matter what the "charts" say. And if you do think there is a problem (inside yourself, not because someone said there is) then listen to that and go with it. But, if deep down you know that your child is healthy, then embrace that! Give yourself more credit than you do! If you're worried about her not eating enough of the "right" foods then try giving her a yummy vitamin (like the gummy ones) or something, and then you will know that she's getting the vitamins and minerals that she needs. Then again, if you don't feel that she needs vitamins, don't give her any! You're Mom and that's a powerful and special role that no one else can fill.

[PhillyGirl]

Thanks everyone for all the support and good advice. She will be fine I just have to be patient and calm down. I just need to remember that every child is different and all I can do is offer a varied of good foods and it is up to her to eat. I cannot force her.

[5ft Diva]

Originally Posted by teeny

Well, this is just my two cents, but I think that a lot of Mom's underestimate their natural intuition when it comes to their children. I think that YOU know better than the doctor does, no matter what the "charts" say. And if you do think there is a problem (inside yourself, not because someone said there is) then listen to that and go with it. But, if deep down you know that your child is healthy, then embrace that! Give yourself more credit than you do! If you're worried about her not eating enough of the "right" foods then try giving her a yummy vitamin (like the gummy ones) or something, and then you will know that she's getting the vitamins and minerals that she needs. Then again, if you don't feel that she needs vitamins, don't give her any! You're Mom and that's a powerful and special role that no one else can fill.

Teeny, this is great advice!

[Big_Sissy]

Very solid advise here. I can't agree more with the "your the mom" advise. You really are, and you really do know a lot more then you give yourself credit for. I can tell that you love her and pay attention to her, so this tells me that you have a pretty good idea of what's going on. So use that God given intuition you are entitled to and run with it.

[PhillyGirl]

Thanks again for all the support. It makes the biggest differnce and means so much.

[5ft Diva]

Something else that I would add is that if you're not happy with what this doctor is saying or happy about what direction he's steering you in, choose another pediatrician. There is no rule that says once you pick a doctor you have to stick with them. It's so much easier to parent when you have a doctor that validates you and helps you as the parent rather than arguing and criticizing the choices you make. I was with a pediatrician (with child #4) and changed pediatricians because the things he said were very critical of me as a mother and I had already raised three children who were healthy and thriving up to that point. I decided that doctor was not for me and I'm so happy that I changed. I even changed to the pediatrician who shares the same office with him. I thought it would be weird but it's been fine. I kind of rambled but I hope it helps.

[teeny]

Yeah, I definitely agree 5ftd. Anyone that knows me knows that I am VERY picky with doctors. I will not choose a doctor that doesn't respect me as a patient and me as my child's mother. Doctor's are there for their knowledge and advice, not to tell you what to do. It is the patient, or guardian of the patient's job and right to make the big decisions in their care. Not to say that this is your doctor Phillygirl, just something that I've learned in my own experience.

[PhillyGirl]

Thanks, but my doctor is actually really good. I actually switched to him a few months ago from someone else in that office. He did make me concerned but I really put the pressure on myself. I liked his concern a lot better than the previous none action. He really does think that she is fine; that she is just small. He just wants to make sure that there isn't anything wrong with her body preventing her from putting on weight. I can see now that I had put so much pressure on myself because of what other moms would say or what I thought they would think. Who knew you had to keep up with the Jones' when it came to your child's weight. Anyway, it was my own fault for letting them into my head. But I really am doing much better now that I have relaxed; also she has been eating more now that I have stopped putting on the pressure. I think you all are right. I am Hailey's mom and I know what is best for her. I do want to be careful and try to get as many calories in her as possible. She is not starving, she just really is small.

[5ft Diva]

Way to go PG, sounds like you're on the right track! Keep listening to the feeling inside of you and you'll be just fine!

[missypoohsticks]

My daughter is also very small. She just barely got on the charts! I found that if I give her some options and let her choose, she is likely to eat more b/c she did get a choice.
On another note, if anyone has any ideas to put some weight on her that don't involve milk, eggs or nuts, since she is allergic to all three, I'm all ears!!

[teeny]

Two of my brothers are allergic to milk, eggs, and nuts. When we were growing up my Mom would just substitute for them. Like when we were having eggs and toast, they would have sausage and toast. And when we were all having ice-cream, they would have a soy, or rice milk substitute. I don't know if that helps at all.