Team Family

[Erudite]

I'd like to get some ideas on how to work toward the family pulling together as a team. I just feel like we're all pulling in different directions....I'm pulling toward a clean house; healthy, smart, strong, kind children, and a number of personal goals including my health, study, and work, and the kids are pulling toward seeing how much they can get away with (or without doing). (It's been one of THOSE days, you know?).

I just wonder if anyone out there has some good ideas for helping everyone work toward the same goals without having to be bugged by me. I know everyone gets tired of the "why do I have to tell you to brush your teeth?" when it should be a part of their habits BY NOW. I have tried helping them understand, but I'm still saying the same things day after day after day after...I know...they're kids and all that and I'll go on saying the same things because they're important, but there must be a better approach to help them begin to take accountability for making the team successful too.

Has anyone felt succesful at this? Share your successes!

THANKS!

[bookworm]

Well, Erudite, this is one thing I think about a lot! I wouldn't claim great success, just because the kids are still so young, but yesterday was a great bonding day for our family. We went to Lagoon and spent almost the whole time as a family- we split off here and there for roller coasters, as I still have two kids that are too short, but we kept coming back together- there is so much that all of us could do, we had a blast! I was commenting to my DH on the way home that taking a family vacation (or spending the day at Lagoon!) is very good for bonding. If it's just the 6 of us alone without friends, video games, etc. pulling us away from each other, we really bond well. I've been trying to plan a Disneyland trip for over a year now, and DH is very resistant, but I think if we set a goal, as a family, to set aside some money and maybe do certain things to prepare for the trip together, that might be a nice goal that all 6 of us will feel excited about.

We love to have "family late night"s where we rent a family movie, pop popcorn, send the friends home and laugh and enjoy together. One of our favorites was the "Planet Earth" series that aired on Discovery Channel- we don't have sattelite or cable, so my dear brother downloaded it once it became available, and put it on discs for us. We loved it. I'm going to buy it at Costco for Christmas- it was soooo good, and one that we could watch over and over with the kids. If my dh gets his wish (a bigger tv- we'll see...) for Christmas, they will be spectacular to watch that way.

But I digress...

I think a family goal to pull you all together needs to be something FUN. I appreciate your struggle with the tooth brushing, and such things. I have the same struggles with my kids. I have ONE who is faithful about brushing. I have ONE other who is good about showering regularly. I have yet another that regularly remembers to make his bed. And my dd is a walking hurricane, so we are still working on her good habits!

My sister's family has pictures of the temple in her hall with dates on them. I asked her what the dates were, and they were the date that they could all 5 be in the temple together. I thought that was a great goal!

I don't know if this has helped you in any way, but this is what your question made me think of. Thanks for the opportunity to share!

[5ft Diva]

This is a great question, E and those are great suggestions, BW. I'll have to use some of them. I agree w/ BW that we have to do something fun together. Doing something fun together is what reminds my children of what a family is all about. Trying to acheive "Mom's" goals and rules is not a family team effort. We had an experience, that I hope BS doesn't mind me sharing, that happened last Christmas. We were put in charge of the family Christmas Eve party last year. I felt like we needed to involve all of our kids in coming up w/ what to do so that this ended up being a fun family effort and I thought this would be a way to get to know their personalities in the process. I knew it wouldn't be perfect but it would certainly be creative since our oldest son is very creative and totally thinks outside the box and the sky is the limit w/ him (I love this about him...it's a lot like me in fact). Anyway, we started discussing what we'd do and my boys were very excited about participating in the planning part of it and BS was getting excited about his vision w/ re-enacting the Nativity and in the process kept cancelling out all of my kids' suggestions. It was hard to watch because my kids really wanted to work together w/ us (the parents) as a team but the captain was being a "ball hog". What happened as a result of all of this was my son stopped giving his ideas and totally checked out of the discussion and activity. I could see he felt his wings had been clipped. I think working together as a team is giving your kids wings to try things that they want to try in whatever you're taking on as a family whether it be vacation, a service project, or simply a movie night.

Something I've done w/ my kids in the past is get them to work together to clean a room and I designate one of them to be the supervisor of the project. This means that they manage how it's done. I would rotate this so they'd all get a turn to "be the boss". They really have to work on communicating and managerial skills and they learn really quick how and why a mutany will take place. When they come to me about their problems I tell them that "So and so is your supervisor, you'll have to take your complaints to him", unless hitting becomes involved and then I take care of that issue but then the communicating part is still their baby. It's taught my boys that everybody has a different way of doing things and there are effective and non effective ways to get people to work with you. They've also taught me a lot when I am in there helping them and they get to be the supervisor of me too. Kids really are just little people.

Sorry so long, hope this makes sense. I hope I didn't wander too much from the "team" concept. I don't necessarily have ideas for activities just what kinds of skills best work in our family to create the "team". I can't wait to hear other suggestions.