CH3: Birth

[Big_Sissy]

Ok, so apparently I am the only one in my house that was rocked by chapter 3. 5ft Diva tells me that she already knew that stuff so it didn't really affect her like it did me.

Now I know the dramatization was exactly that. Quite dramatized, and quite possibly over the top, but still, I was in awe!

I did not know a child can feel practically at conception, and those things we do as parents creates feelings for them.

Anyway, for me that was a very interesting chapter.

[5ft Diva]

It was an interesting chapter for me as well, although I felt it was way over the top. I felt it was a bit fear based, and maybe that's my issue, but that's what I kept feeling from it. I kept thinking, "Oh, c'mon. Give me a break." I guess I was annoyed w/ how dramatic the chapter was towards the end. I think it was setting up the rest of the book. I'm excited to keep reading.

I think most mothers know that the way they feel toward the baby, others around them, and themselves affect how the baby feels. I think it's just a maternal instinct. Maybe I'm wrong here but I just always knew this. I had actually read a book that talks about this concept in a more scientific way so I really wasn't surprised by this.

The way I explained it to BS, ladies correct me if I'm wrong, is that women are more in tune to their feelings so the information in this book really isn't rocket science to us. It's like, we're reading along and all of a sudden we go, "Oh, I've always known that and now an expert has just confirmed it." I don't know, it's like we just know, there's something inside us that just already knows this information. I think it's cool. It makes me wonder how much more stuff is inside us that we "know".

So, BS, what do you mean it rocked your world? To me this information is empowering. It does make me wonder what happened at my birth. It'll be interesting if I ever find out.

[Big_Sissy]

Just a new concept that I had never even thought of before. Very new, and no something I had even expected.

[LostnFound]

I thought it was interesting on how powerful the impact of the Father was and how it affects the child in the womb. I am going to get a little personal here for a minute...
I saw a very good therapist about five years ago during my early years of marriage. Part of my session and therapy you could say was that she had me travel through my past. Way back to even conception.

My parents had never talked about my birth or I had never heard any stories related to my infancy. The therapist had me step out and look at my earliest time in life as if I was watching it on television. I had to tell her from my deepest feelings and try to assume what happenened. I dug deep into my core and I could honestly see in my soul what had happened even though I had never heard anything regarding this.

I am my Fathers oldest child. I could see that he was not ready for children. I could see that he was not affectionate towards me probably because he was nervous. I could see that I took away some of his independence. I could see that in a small way I was a burden.

Now in the rest of my childhood I would have never guessed that he felt this way during my first year of life. He was very affectionate and loving. He was very involved in all that I did. But when the therapist took me back in time the spirit spoke to me of my earliest part of life.

I had always thought that I was born after my parents had married but when discussing my thoughts with my Mother I had found out that in actuality I was born before my parents were ever married. I told my Mother of what I saw of my Father during my first year. She couldn't believe how correct my feelings were. She had told me that it was true that my Father had very mixed emotions when he had found out my Mother was pregnant. It was accidental obviousely, something I had never known.

I truly believe that some of my low self esteem stems from my infancy. Even though my childhood was very normal and my Father treated me very well.

This chapter just really was powerful to me. Like 5'D had mentioned I had already known the role of the Mother on infants, but I can testify that the role of the Father is just as important on the future of the children.

Thanks for letting me share. I am really enjoying this book. Sorry for all of the errors in my spelling.

[LostnFound]

I'm back already to post another thought I had as I was reading the end of the chapter.

My parents are part of the hippie era. I don't know if any more of you on the forum can relate to this, but I believe this era that was so called involved in peace and freedom have turned out very selfish. Maybe it just happens to be the handful of people this age that I know. My husbands parents and my parents are so caught up with themselves even now. They are so different as compared to what type of people my Grandparents are.

I have wonderful memories of sleeping over at my Grandmothers house and making cookies and working with her in her yard. This was a regular occurance to sleep over at my Grandparents homes. My children have many Grandparents and step Grandparents and they do not get to engage in the activities like I did. Our parents never invite them to sleep over or rarely spend time with them. They will come to our house for birthdays etc. but I have always been saddened that my daughters will not have the experiences of spending time with Grandma like I did. I can compare this to many of my friends and their parents as well. What happened to good old fashioned Grandparents? I know I shouldn't assume that the whole generation turned out this way. I'm sure many of you have wonderful parents.

Anyways it got me to thinking about how the birthing rooms have changed from the time that my Grandmother(born at home) to my parents (born in a very sterile "Surgical" type of room). My Grandmothers were even put out for the births of their children only to wake up at a later time and then finally get to spend time with the newborn.

I wonder if something emotionally could have happened to the newborns that did not get to immediately be close to their Mothers and be held. Who knows? My brain is just working to much today I guess. I just thought maybe, just maybe there could be some corelation between this and the difference from each generation.

I love how this day and age they have gone back to the importance of Mothers being close to their newborns immediately after birth. Each hospital is more and more trying to make a more comfortable home like setting for birth instead of a dreary surgical room. The birth process is much more personal now.

Just my crazy thoughts.

[Big_Sissy]

Well, I really enjoyed your crazy thoughts (BTW, those are not crazy thoughts).

I also did some "birth" therapy, however, my birth was pretty non-eventful. No drugs, my parents were glad to have me and it was a pretty normal birth.

Again, thanks for your thoughts. That was very cool.

[5ft Diva]

I'm just now getting around to reading this. WOW, LNF! This was really insightful. Thank you for sharing this experience with us. I felt I could connect some dots in my own life as you walked me through your experience. Thank you again for sharing. This was helpful to me.

I didn't know you battled a low self esteem....that surprises me. For the record, I think you're awesome.

I would agree w/ you about fathers having a great impact on their kids, even in the womb. I can see how some couples (who are aware of this concept) freak out when they start talking about starting a family.

[Mamallama]

What an amazing experience LnF!! Wow! Thanks so much for sharing this. I've been thinking and wondering about my own memories/feelings of when I was baby all day, after reading this. I too believe that a baby in the womb can sense and feel much more than we realize. Well, and your example proves this! Amazing!

That is an interesting correlation too you made between babies being born when mothers were knocked out and thus missed that first bonding experience and that of babies who are born to mothers who are awake and able to hold them right away----comparing their parenting and grandparenting methods..... This would make a very interesting study!

I really appreciate you sharing this LnF---I can't explain how enlightening this is!

[5ft Diva]

Hey, welcome back, ML. I heard you went out of town.

[Erudite]

Very interesting! It made me think about my possible birth experiences too. My Dad, to this day, claims to be unable to remember my birthday because I was born in the middle of his final work for his PhD. He was present at my birth, but does not remember much more than that. I am number 5 of 9 and have always felt a little lost in the shuffle. Likely I, in fact, was.

The chapter itself was interesting, though not earth shattering. I thought through each of my children's births and am glad that they were all wanted, held immediately, and loved immensely. I wonder if they are calm and well-behaved (which I get comments on, about once a month, from people sitting behind us in church), because their births and their lives are the same. It's interesting to consider.

[Big_Sissy]

Yes it is. All I know is a good start sure beats a poor one. And knowing what I know now, I would certainly put more effort in helping the little ones get a good start.