Book: Ending Homework Hassle

[Erudite]

Full Title: Ending the Homework Hassle: Understanding, Preventing, and Solving School Performance Problems
Author: John Rosemond
Genre: Non-fiction
Pages: 165 (but I skimmed the last 65 or so because they didn't apply)

Ok first, I need to thank 5D for her good example in looking for answers in books. I love to read, but I like to read for my own enjoyment, you know? I have rarely gotten a book to find an answer to a problem I'm having.

Second, this book was SOOOO the answer to the problem we're having. Dr. Rosemond is a noted family psychologist with some fantastic, down-to-earth advice on this problem. The problem is that our 12yods is TERRIBLE about doing homework. It takes forever and stops completely unless I'm goading him on every step of the way....which is nearly how Dr. Rosemond starts his book. Here is the actual beginning:

"These days, I spend much of my professional time traveling around the country making presentations to and putting on workshops for various parent and professional groups. If I'm talking about school performance issues, I will at some point, ask for a show of hands from those parents who assist their children with homework on a regular, almost daily, basis. Typically, more than half of the people in the audience raise a hand. I then ask for a show of hands from those people whose parents assisted them with their homework as frequently. Very few hands ever go up. In my clinical practice, problems over homework -- and school work in general -- bring more parents to my office than any other single issue.....

And from there he gives a sampling of complaints that are exactly what I said above about my son. But that beginning totally had me hooked, because I can't tell you the number of times that I've said to my DH, "I never had my parents around for homework, why does DS need it????"

In this book he quickly runs through the history of homework in the last 40 years, then the current problem. Then he identifies seven hidden values of children doing their homework on their own. They learn skills in responsibility, autonomy, perserverence, time management, initiative, self-reliance, and resourcefulness.

In the second chapter, he outlines his "ABCs" of homework.
A = All by myself - kids need a place to do their homework AWAY from parents, especially Mothers. We tend to helicopter our kids' homework time and when we do that, they don't learn the 7 values.
B = Back off. Stay out of the homework process except on a consultant basis...that is being there if they actually ask for help.
C = Call it quits at a reasonable hour. Parents usually tell kids when to start homework, but don't tell them when to end. That creates the "homework marathon", an entire evening spent on this one child's homework rather than all the other things that should/could be happening.

Doing these things is supposed to get the child to begin taking responsibility for his own homework. He then goes on with a chapter called "When to motivate" for when the above doesn't work. It talks about daily plans with teachers and taking away privileges for unmet expectations. "When to remediate", "When to Retain", and "When to medicate" are the 3 chapters I skimmed through because they didn't apply. Our son is on grade level and capable of doing the work, which lets out the first two of these chapters. And he's already been diagnosed with ADD and is on medication, so now we just need to solve some behavioral issues.

Anyway, for those of you who are LDS, I paused in the middle of the book and ran through the concepts in my mind to make sure they were in line with what God would have us do and I believe they are. God requires that we take responsibility for our own actions and any consequences that come from poor choices. He's there for us if we need help, but asks that we come to Him when we want that help. He doesn't "hover" around us making sure that we don't drink wine and that we do read our scriptures every day, for example. Those have to be our choice.

So, we're going to try this in our house. I haven't always been a helicopter parent, but I've been doing so much hovering lately...it's ridiculus. I've nearly totally taken on the responsibility of my son's homework, but thinking I was teaching him responsibility in doing so. And it's not my homework, as this book points out. My son needs to take responsibility for his own choices in the homework department.

Good book. I can recommend it! (sorry so long!)

[natickgirl]

Sounds like a good book. I wonder if I can get a copy of it out here.....

[5ft Diva]

Would you recommend just getting a copy of the book from the library or purchasing a copy for one's own home library? Sounds like a great book! It was a wonderful review as well (seeing I was gun-shy to write one myself because I never had to for an audience).

[Erudite]

I found it in the library. It was published in 1990, so it's a trifle out of date with talking about computers and homework, but pretty much on the mark in everything else. I don't know if I'll need my own copy yet. I'm planning on keeping it the full 3 weeks from the library and if the ABCs work, I shouldn't need it again. If they don't, I'll need to re-read the "when to motivate" and involve his teachers in the process, but the book says to give the ABCs 2 to 3 weeks, so I need to wait that long.

Day 1 was pretty good though. My 12 yods came home reporting NO homework at all. He'd finished his math in class, something he rarely does and had already checked the long range project for his Science class and knew that he didn't have homework in that. Our declared homework time ends at 5pm (or 5:30pm if he needs it because he's older) and for that time, he got to work on a contest I'd picked up from our bank to make a short film on making wise financial decisions.

The younger ones also got right to the homework business and even though our 10yodd has play practice, she still finished by 5:30pm too. AND she asked me for her printed spelling list rather than me having to bug her to bug me to print it. So we're making some progress during this honeymoon stage.

Also, we had a family council about the homework hassle and explained the plan, including that we were going to be getting desks for their rooms if they wanted them. We went over the ABCs and what they mean, and I had them repeat twice: "Mom, my homework is my responsibility; you need to back off." And I've had them say that to me the 3 times I've asked about homework since Sunday night. I'm hoping saying it out loud will result in getting it into their heads. So far so good!

(FYI for those who are LDS - I have also fasted and prayed about this problem and am continuing to pray for my son to take over and work harder to get the good grades I know he can! Praying is about all the help I'm allowed to give...but it's a good way to give!!)

[bookworm]

excellent review, E- thanks so much- I will be looking around for a copy of this one, too- adding it to the growing list... Thanks!!