Why doesn't Father's day bug them?

[Erudite]

I thought the title of this forum made this the best place to put this thread. I haven't read the book...

So why is it that men are not bugged by Father's day? How come they're happy go-lucky at the brief "Happy Father's Day" they get in church? Is it BECAUSE they weren't plyed with plants or chocolate (in our case it was nasty cookies this year) coming out of Church that Father's day is more enjoyable? Is it because no one gives "how great my Dad is" talks that make them feel guilty? Or is it because we Mothers make the nice meal, make the yummy cake, make sure there are thoughtful presents....ALL the things we expect on our day...that makes them have a nice day? Or are they all just too big of men to show their disappointment that I couldn't remember the power tool they'd mentioned 3 weeks ago? (I asked yesterday and was told it really had been too big of a present for the current state of our finances.) Why is it that I would feel let-down by what I did for him for Fathers Day because it didn't include a power tool, so I feel like I haven't done enough for him?

What's the deal? Am I the only one who feels like this?

[bookworm]

Hmm... interesting POV, E. In our ward, the men get a little gift/treat on Father's day, which I think they enjoy but don't require, so I don't know about that end of things.

I was moderately disappointed on Mother's day, not because of my hubby not doing enough (he took me out to dinner the night before and that was it, but it was enough this year), but that my kids didn't do ANYTHING for me. I would have loved some hand-made cards, or homemade breakfast or... anything. That is where hubby comes in. I think next year I will kindly mention how nice it would be if the kids were taught about doing nice things for Mom on mother's day...

I also don't make a huge deal out of Father's day-- probably because I generally keep things equal to what happened on Mother's day. This year, DH said, "I don't want you spending money on gifts, just take me out on a date like I did you." That was all he wanted. I did encourage DD to make him a card, which turned into an adorable "Why I love my Daddy" book. So cute. And she and the youngest son made him breakfast. And I got a store-bought card and had them all write him a little note in it, and I wrote a longer note for him. He seemed perfectly happy with this, which I would have been, as well.

Maybe the men around you are just more easily satisfied than moms tend to be? Maybe they don't mind less than stellar gifts because they don't expect much? My dad told my my sibs and me to stop buying him gifts on Father's Day, that who we are and the way we behave, the fact that we're such "great people" is a gift to him every day, all year. Sweet, huh? Maybe more men feel this way than women-- happy, satisfied and just not feeling like they need/want a gift for doing their duty?

[runamyrun]

I think that as women, we are VERY hard on ourselves. We analyze everything that we do (at least I do) and sometimes think about how it could have been done better. This is just a thought, but I wonder if it partly has to do with validation. Our husbands get validated usually according to how they perform at their job, whether it is a bonus or a pat on the back by the boss. For my self-employed hubbie, he is validated by seeing his income increase the harder he works. For several of us, we do not have outside jobs. Our job is to be a mother and everything that comes with that. Mothers Day is the day that I get to hear that I am doing a good job. That sounds stupid, but it really helps to know that I am appreciated and that my hard work is not wasted.

Also, I think that we just have different likes. I used to celebrate Fathers Day the way I wanted Mothers Day to be celebrated. After a few years, I realized that my hubbie was not getting the hint, and that he really doesn't care about being celebrated. I still think it is important for the kids to show appreciation for their dad, but we try to do it in a way that DH likes better.

[Erudite]

BW and RAR, your comments both are about what I have been thinking. My questions above aren't just about the questions, but about the fact that I really didn't do that much and yet he seems so satisfied. It makes me ask me why I feel hurt that the same "didn't do much" that he does for me doesn't make me feel satisfied. I guess I am too hard on myself and have too high of expectations. We women are funny creatures, you know?

[bookworm]

We truly are!

[Dia Minha]

I feel like I failed Father's Day once again this year. I don't think I have ever felt like I succeeded in letting my DH know how much I appreciate him. I think my guilt or dissappointment of myself comes from the fact that my husband actually does a terrific job celebrating me on Mother's Day. He has the kids make me breakfast and takes them shopping. He tries so hard to remember things I have talked about wanting or needing. He doesn't always succeed in purchasing the right items, but he tries so hard.

I use to be an amazing girlfriend when it came to birthdays and holidays. Then I got married and had babies and now it just seems like I have lost everything I once had in creating special days for the ones I love. I get so frustrated with myself, because I know I have done better in the past with ones who never deserved it as much as the ones in my life now do.

Yesterday was a flop (whole another story, being without a vehicle on Saturday, husband being gone all day everyday for the last three weeks, etc.). I have plans to see what I can do today to make up for it. I'm not giving up this year, because I had plans. I just wasn't physically capable of pulling them off.

Amy, what you said really made since to me. I'm very grateful to have a husband that does validate me on a regular basis. Even when I feel dumb, because he will come home and tell me I did a good job on the kitchen or notices I finished a bigger project and praises me for it, I still love it. We talk all the time about the fact that it helps me to think of him as my "boss", the person to please and he is such a great, positive, boss to have.

[Big_Sissy]

You guys are way over thinking this. Think about what a man really wants? Then see if he is getting this (typically 2 things). If he is, chances are good he's very happy and Fathers day is just a nice perk -- Meaning anything is better than nothing, and No the expectation isn't high at all.

Besides we men don't place much stock in fathers day. It's a holiday made just so we're equal on holidays. I personally could care less about it. Yes it's nice, but I could take it or leave it. Mothers day however, is very important, and if we removed all but 2 holidays on the calendar, Mothers Day and Christmas would be what's left.

I find that Women care a lot about the stuff we men could care less about.

He is your Yin, You are his Yang, that's what makes men and woman so complete. One without the other is either just a yin or just a yang. Embrace the differences, they're what makes couples great.

---------- Post added at 03:13 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:09 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Erudite

BW and RAR, your comments both are about what I have been thinking. My questions above aren't just about the questions, but about the fact that I really didn't do that much and yet he seems so satisfied. It makes me ask me why I feel hurt that the same "didn't do much" that he does for me doesn't make me feel satisfied. I guess I am too hard on myself and have too high of expectations. We women are funny creatures, you know?

Yes, yes you are

[bookworm]

Well said, BS!

[Erudite]

Thanks, BS!

[5ft Diva]

Good points! My thoughts on this after thinking about it were that my nature is to nurture. I don't (at least not this year) do something on Father's Day to even the score. I do it because it is important to me to let my husband know how much I love and appreciate what he does for our family. It's the same way I treat my kids on their birthdays. I just want DH to know how much I love him being a part of our family and how much I appreciate the role he plays in our lives and it is no more than that.

My point: What I do on Father's Day has to do with my need/desire to nurture those father figures in my life. ....this actually answers a question I had about someone I did not go out of my way to recognize this year. Very interesting....